Experience description 6247NDE:   

Prior to the experience I had on Christmas day 2010, I had been practicing a certain form of meditation whereby my focus was on concentrating on what I call the "space" that is between my thoughts. What I was trying to accomplish was staying in that space with an attempt to reach a state of mindlessness. After many hours of practicing this, one day (prior to the experience), during one of my sessions I felt a very strong wave of energy go through my entire body. The first time that this happened it scared me, and as it was happening I immediately resisted the feeling and bounced back out of the deep state that I had reached during the meditation. After thinking about the experience I did not know what to make of it and I thought that I might have been at the threshold of death it self. Weeks later it happened again and I began to become very curious about what would happen if I did not resist the energy that was overtaking me. I began to work up the courage in preparation for the next time that this happens to surrender to the feeling without any resistance. On Christmas day 2010, I was experiencing some difficulties with my family and we were not speaking to each other.

I was single with no children and feeling very alone at that time. You might say that I was willing to explore where this state would take me because at the time I felt alone in the world and other than my belief in God, I was feeling very lonely (particularly because of the holidays) and unloved. This I guess helped me to have the courage to not resist this should it happen to me again. On the day that my experience happened I was laying down and I began to focus on my meditation when I felt what I would describe as walking through a door that led from being in a conscious state that included various attachments to what I would call a pure state of only awareness. Upon entering this state I remember having the feeling of being awe struck at the shear feeling of what I can only say is far beyond words. Trying to describe it would be pointless and very misleading to anyone who has not experienced this for themselves.

Subsequent to this experience, I have yet to be able to reach this state a second time, however I have not tried many times due to the fact that if I were to reach this state again, I might not choose to return. It is also very difficult (at least for me) to reach this state, as it takes a lot of concentration. Since then I have also decided that I am not ready to leave this earth or this body yet, however I feel that if I were, that it would be possible to do so via this path. This experience has shown me something that I would like to attempt to describe in words; what I believe is that while we are in this body, we are equipped with the consciousness that comes with it. The difference between how I view what this consciousness is, in relation to my view of what awareness is, are two different things. Awareness for me is what is behind the consciousness that comes with the functioning of mind and body. The awareness behind it however is of a much broader, infinite nature. The thoughts that we all have in our consciousness appear to be a constant stream that is continuous and linear in nature. However, upon intense concentration on what is an iota of time between our thoughts, I believe that what I have experienced was a gateway leading out of consciousness and into the hidden spectrum of pure awareness that lies beyond. While in this state, I have no memory of breathing, or any other bodily functions that would be obvious in a normal state of consciousness.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No  My life was not threatened, however I could have chose for it to end with regard to my physicality.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     How do you explain infinity in words? Here is a very feeble attempt; you are an individual ice cube and you are dropped into an infinite ocean of water. Upon entering the ocean you immediately become the entire ocean, including all of the life forms within it, aware of all that is going on all at the same time.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I was not experiencing consciousness but rather the state of awareness that lies beyond consciousness.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      Less consciousness and alertness than normal   I only chose an answer to question 4 because it is in red. None of those answers would actually be correct. The correct answer would be "no consciousness, complete awareness, and something far greater then alertness, more like a complete knowingness.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   Question 6 is wrong and only answered because it is in red. There were no thoughts. Question 7 is also wrong as there were no senses. The best way that I can describe it is that this state was beyond the need for thoughts or senses. Thoughts and senses are things that in my view pertain to consciousness. Where I was, it was a state of pure awareness-beyond consciousness and therefore the need of thoughts or senses.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I did not hear, think, or experience in any way anything that could be compared to my everyday experience. Awareness (or the state I was in) is beyond all of that.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No   The experience was void and yet all encompassing at the same time. It was a state of demanifestation with the seeming power to remanifest should I choose to introduce thought. It was kind of like this; I wasn't thinking but if I did think, I would become what I was thinking. Therefore, I dared not think about anything because that would have meant that I would have manifested out of total awareness and bliss. Being in this state was beyond bliss, you want to stay there and not do anything to disturb it.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   None. This was a state of infinite power that leaves all emotions way behind. When I think of emotions I think of feelings that are brought on by certain events or perceptions. Here, the state I was in was well beyond this. It was a state of total awareness and Knowingness. When you are already aware of everything that there is that pertains to you, there is nothing left to be emotional about.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No   I did not pass through a tunnel. It was more like letting go of something that I was stuck to. It was as if I was a balloon that was tied down and then suddenly released to begin floating. Like I was carrying a heavy weight on my back that was finally lifted. This was the feeling right at the point of entry. What followed was the state that I could never fully describe in words.

Did you see an unearthly light?   No   I did not see anything. What I became was essence.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
Essence, awareness without form.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no time. Time had no meaning here, in fact nothing really had any meaning, in the normal sense of the word.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about the universe
Questions 26 and 27 do not describe the state I was in. The words united and understand don't describe this state. I did not unite with the world or universe. I was the world and the universe, and everything else. There was not anything to understand. This state was beyond that. To "understand" is to imply that you understand this but you don't understand that. Here, there was nothing to understand, there was only everything to know.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No
I was in a void (for lack of a better term) yet I was aware that all that existed was available to me. There was a choice and it was this; either stay where I was and have infinity at my disposal, or go back to the consciousness that comes with being in my body.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No
When I returned to life, it was not a conscious decision. The consciousness did not resume until after my return. What brought me back was the love I had for the people in my life that would suffer from their perceived loss of me. I was pulled back out of love, I did not make a "conscious" decision to go back because I was out of the state of consciousness and in a total state of awareness.

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (�life after death�)?   Yes   As stated earlier, what I experienced was the passing through of the space between my thoughts, which led me from the state of consciousness that comes with being in my body to the state of infinite awareness that lies behind consciousness, a state in which the body, consciousness, and all other attachments are surrendered and seemingly left behind. When you ask if there is life "after" this life, the answer is no because there is no "before or after" there is just now. Now either exists in awareness with consciousness covering it up (consciousness imprinted on awareness), or awareness in its purest state beyond consciousness. There is no "before or after".

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   What I experienced was essence. How do I describe essence? I will try, but again this is a very feeble attempt that is only worth mentioning for the sake of writing something in this box; Essence: a continuous melting pot of unlimited unmanifested power, capable of becoming anything- ANYTHING!- at the spur of the moment, being aware and knowing at all times everything that ever was, and ever will be possible, including the seemingly impossible (there is no such thing as the impossible except that it is impossible for God to not be God) Essence: Pure love, for lack of a word that is beyond love.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   Yes   Two things come to mind here; First, what I learned is that there is nothing to seek, there is only plenty to discard. Second, there is nothing to seek because there is nothing that you don't already have. What we are is an incredible-unimaginable-boundless gift of infinity to our selves. The only thing we need to do to earn it is to just enjoy it. How much better does it get than that?

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   Awareness. I discovered the infinite awareness that lies behind my very limited (and ignorant) consciousness.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life�s meaning or purpose?   Yes   It is are attachment to illusions that cause our suffering. We are unable to tell the difference between what is real and what is not. We don't know what the truth is because our consciousness actually precludes us from the realization of what we actually are. We go through life ignorant of who we are and as a result, suffer as individuals rather then bask in the bliss that comes with being together as a whole. We don't trust in what we can't see, but will ultimately find out was there all along.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life�s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   It is are attachment to illusions that cause our suffering. We are unable to tell the difference between what is real and what is not. We don't know what the truth is because our consciousness actually precludes us from the realization of what we actually are. We go through life ignorant of who we are and as a result, suffer as individuals rather then bask in the bliss that comes with being together as a whole. We don't trust in what we can't see, but will ultimately find out was there all along.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   Love was the entire experience. It was beyond love.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Yes   We need to forget all that we think we know through consciousness. We can never know anything through consciousness. That is wisdom. We can be aware of all there is to know through awareness. That is love.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No   I realized in my experience that I knew nothing, yet I was aware of everything. Another way of putting it would be; I do not store any knowledge, I am only a device with which to receive it.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   In my experience, I had no beliefs. That is just what made the experience so different from the beliefs I had before it. All of my beliefs, thoughts, and attachments were surrendered going in.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at time   I answered I don't know to this question because the experience was so different that it's very hard to even compare. The main reason for this is that my memory in everyday experiences is based on my sensory perception whereas in the experience their was no perception. I was in a state of awareness without perception, thought, or consciousness as we understand it. here.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   My experience changed me in that I no longer see events that occur the same way. I am now living with the confirmation that there is far more going on then what I am capable of experiencing consciously. My life is now a function of trusting and allowing rather then doing and achieving. I have realized that belief in what I already have is my true nature rather then striving for what I perceive to not have.

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   I was greatly humbled in my realization of the following; all my life I have strived to acquire knowledge and attempt to retain that knowledge consciously. What the experience made me realize is that much of the knowledge that I thought I was retaining was in fact not knowledge at all, but only a concept of what I thought was knowledge. I realized that all true knowledge is a function of the Universe and it can be accessed only through awareness-not consciousness. Consciousness serves to only distort true knowledge because of the sensory perception that knowledge passes through in our everyday lives. This is why I stated earlier that my life has changed from striving to achieve (as perceived as necessary through consciousness) to trusting and allowing things to happen through the Universal forces that are available through awareness. This does not mean that I always "do nothing". It means that the actions that I do take are based on intuition and trust in the universe as a whole-not my individual intellect.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?   What I probably find the most significant and meaningful about the experience is what occurred at the point of entry into it. It was the surrendering of all thoughts, beliefs, and accumulated dogma, together with the willingness to trust in what I could not see or understand that had the most significant impact. I see the experience as a true gift and not something to take any credit for in any way. It was something that I had asked for and it was my willingness to surrender that allowed the passageway for me to receive this gift. To put it another way, I came to understand how much my consciousness prohibits me from realizing and positioning myself to be able to accept what is readily available, not just to me but to all of us. We have already been given all there is to have, but in our consciousness I find that we are ignorantly saying "we don't want or accept it". The gift of life is far greater then what we can see because you can't ever see it, you have to become "aware" of it. When that happens, the joy and the love, -the shear awe of it- is overwhelming and cannot be described in words. To even use the words joy or love, or any words for that matter, is an injustice. (There really is no such thing as injustice but I say this, again, as a feeble attempt to try and communicate. It is beyond communication in words.)

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   What I have now is greater awareness and less consciousness. This allows for my intuition to shine through far more easily then it did before. My "gut feelings" if you will are far more clear, and I have learned to recognize the meaning behind them and trust in the guidance that comes with that.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     What I probably find the most significant and meaningful about the experience is what occurred at the point of entry into it. It was the surrendering of all thoughts, beliefs, and accumulated dogma, together with the willingness to trust in what I could not see or understand that had the most significant impact. I see the experience as a true gift and not something to take any credit for in any way. It was something that I had asked for and it was my willingness to surrender that allowed the passageway for me to receive this gift. To put it another way, I came to understand how much my consciousness prohibits me from realizing and positioning myself to be able to accept what is readily available, not just to me but to all of us. We have already been given all there is to have, but in our consciousness I find that we are ignorantly saying "we don't want or accept it". The gift of life is far greater then what we can see because you can't ever see it, you have to become "aware" of it. When that happens, the joy and the love, -the shear awe of it- is overwhelming and cannot be described in words. To even use the words joy or love, or any words for that matter, is an injustice. (There really is no such thing as injustice but I say this, again, as a feeble attempt to try and communicate. It is beyond communication in words.)

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  I shared it with one or two friends. They thought it was interesting but unless you have experienced it yourself, it is very difficult to talk about due to the experience really being beyond verbal communication altogether.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   I had heard of these experiences before, yes. What I believe was a bit different in my case from some of the other experiences that I had heard about was that my experience was not brought on involuntarily by a severe illness or near fatal accident. My physical body was not approaching the inability to no longer function, thereby plunging me into this state. Instead, I was able to voluntarily find an open doorway (the space between thoughts), and muster the courage to walk through it. This is what inspired me to answer these questions, as I feel that it is important to know that it does not require a catastrophic event in order to experience awareness or "who we really are".

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   The experience was the most "real" experience that I had ever had. I realized that it is all that is not real that stood within everyday consciousness and the place of pure awareness that I was in.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   I reiterate what was said in question 56.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No   My relationships have not changed because I can not change anyone else. What has changed however is my level of awareness within my relationships. I find that I am no longer in as much conflict with my relationships as a result of accepting the fact that it is consciousness that we are all subjected to, which creates most of the conflict in the first place. Instead, I usually just come to the realization at the onset of a conflict that it is like two blind people arguing over what they both think that they see. The truth is-they both see nothing, so what is the point of arguing about it?

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   What has changed the most is that I no longer see anything as something that I have to "get". Rather, it is now a question of what I am willing and capable of allowing into my life based on my current needs and what is most beneficial to my soul's evolution. I may consciously think that I need more money, but what the deeper needs of my spirit may say could be something altogether different. The idea is to be in tune with your true needs, not the ones perceived by the ego/intellect. This is the key to staying with the flow of my purpose, and not against it. Any suffering that is derived from this process will dissipate once my true needs are realized and obtained.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No   The experience entailed being in the state of pure awareness, and I have not been back to that state since. My consciousness has decreased as a result but it is still present, unlike the state of pure awareness which has no consciousness.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   I hope that by my sharing this experience that it will lesson the overall suffering for us as a whole, and bring us closer to the realization that we are all connected and part of each other.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   No   There are no words to accurately describe my experience, but I did the best that I could. Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?  

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        Promote unity, and help to clarify the illusion of individualism.

Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?                    Spell check would be helpful, I'm sure there are lots of typos. Also, ask more questions about unity and how we can learn to love ourselves to the extent that there is nothing left but for that love to spill out onto others. Love is who we are, the rest is all just an illusion. Thanks for the opportunity to share this, and God Bless