Susan W's Experience
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Experience description:
O.K. After
writing an immaculate (sorry, personification), 40-page paper on a research
proposal using a naturalistic approach to find the meaning through my
grandfather's diary, of the near-death experience to him before he died of lung
cancer, this wild thing happened, and then happened several more times. At
first I found myself wide awake, looking at the wall that was about a foot from
my face--and then I suddenly woke up SHOCKED AND SCARED, because, how could I
see if I were sleeping and my eyes were shut? (You know, I had several of these
events-which one matches the writing of that long paper, I am not sure.) I
think, though, (OH MY--I ALMOST COMPLETELY FORGOT-the "golden girl").
The time
with the research paper, I saw a full body apparition, a hazy, see-through gold
being who was incredibly animated-I could see her studying me while I slept--I
woke up and looked at her and screamed at the top of my lungs (but that's not
the story you've asked for.) Anyhow,
another episode--I fall asleep and A DARK RIMMED-RING IS PRESENTED. I must have
gone through it. I was aware that I was completely awake, but about 6 feet over
my body sleeping in the bed below. I SCREAMED and it broke--I was in my body
awake. Another
time, after several of these, (and I remember seeing things like the sheets on
my bed, but that my cat was caught in them.) Always I would panic and scream and
wake up in bed. Anyhow, to combat this terror, I remembered that I had read
that Carlos Castaneda finds his hands in his dream and then he can control the
dream. So I'm ready. I find
myself several feet about my sleeping body, it was very dark, and the ring was
presented. I figured I was supposed to go through it but I was too scared too.
SO I RAISE MY HANDS UP IN FRONT OF MY FACE TO GAIN CONTROL OF THE EXPERIENCE AND
I LIFT MY HANDS IN FRONT OF MYSELF AND THERE ARE NO HANDS, THERE ARE JUST BLACK,
FILMY SHADOWS WHERE MY HANDS ARE (and of course, I scream and find myself in
bed.)
Any
associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the
experience?
Uncertain
I
hadn't slept for a really long time, and periodically I do this. My usual
bedtime routine is 150mg imiprimine (older generation antidepressant with
sedative properties)--don't know why this time was different except for the
prolonged reading over and over of computer sentences (careful, prolonged
proofreading-not particularly interesting, just typos, etc)
Was
the kind of experience difficult to express in words?
Yes
how
do you tell somebody you know you walked out of your body!! really!! It felt so
weird to be completely awake I COULD SEE BUT MY EYES WERE SHUT--it felt
completely real, but then strange things would happen
At
the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening
event?
Yes
yes-completion of a very difficult research class in graduate school!
What
was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?
Completely awake--absolutely awake and aware as during the day.
Was the
experience dream like in any way?
The only thing
dream like was the experience the one time seeing the cat tangled up in the
blankets--he wasn't really. Another oob experience I had about 3 years before
this, I traveled I suppose, to my parent's house that had been recently sold and
traced the pattern in the wallpaper of my old bedroom. I felt DROWSY during that
experience. But these others were not dream-like.
Did
you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Uncertain
I
figured I was in my body even though I was completely awake and way above the
bed--I bet my body in that form is a filmy "spiritual body"
What
emotions did you feel during the experience?
surprise, lots
of fear
Did
you hear any unusual sounds or noises?
no
LOCATION DESCRIPTION:
Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar
religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or
amazing creatures?
Uncertain
The
one, the bedroom of another house; the ring actually could be the inner ring of
a Native American Peace Shield, which represents God. (if you want to know more
about the Peace Shield, visit Rainbow Eagle's site (long, black braids--you
can't miss him)--Choctaw.
Did
you see a light?
No
Did
you meet or see any other beings?
Yes
The
"GOLDEN GIRL" I never saw any other time. BUT WHAT WAS FREAKY IS THAT SHE HAD
THE HEAD OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WITH LONG GOLDEN HAIR AND THE BODY OF AN 8-YEAR
OLD CHILD--SCARY!!!--SHE WAS STUDYING ME!
Did
you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?
Yes
Yep-I
looked at my hands and they were black filmy things, move kind of wispy exactly
where I was (moving my hands.)
Did
you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience
that could be verified later?
No
Did
you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they
different?
Yes
New
sight I guess--visual.
Did
you have any sense of altered space or time?
No
Did
you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or
purpose?
No
It
made me believe in one after, though. (I don't want to get lost out there.)
Did
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
No, I
just screamed every time and woke up in bed
Did
you become aware of future events?
Uncertain
saw a
volcano in a vivid, vivid dream "off the coast of the Pacific northwest"--still
waiting for that to happen (I've had such dreams and actually saw a ghost when I
was 7 years old, too.) The volcano dream was in about 1977.
Were
you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?
Yes
Yep-I
wanted back in
Did
you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience
that you did not have prior to the experience?
Uncertain
Well,
I can see filmy white spirits when I shut my eyes in the dark, and my "gut
instinct" has become a very definite message sender, but I think I had these
instincts purposely honed while at Spiritualist Church. They tell me things,
warn me, and really HELP me--they tell me things I wouldn't otherwise know.
Did
you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
Yes
I had
read in particular Jung's account of the NDE with his heart attack--really gave
me the sense that this is for real--this is a direct stage in the
afterworld--and that I had better prepare for it, and when, in conversation,
little openings are given, I plant seeds, if people are open (ie family's of the
dying at work--AND DO THEY SEE SOME NEAT STUFF--IE THEIR MOTHERS!!!!!)
How
has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices?
Career choices?
I thin people
need to know this stuff, but by God, you cannot tell anyone who hasn't had any
experience whatsoever, that this stuff is real. You simply acknowledge that if
the topic comes up and "I wouldn't expect you to believe this (they never do.)"
However, sometimes people need this stuff. I guess I feel I am supposed to do
something with this ability.
Has
your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?
No response
absolutely--I believe and it feels good--my life, well I may not be here without
the hope these experiences have given me
Have
you shared this experience with others?
Yes
They
listen and tell stories back sometimes. My brothers ride my about it. I save one
special story and tell it really well about a woman who saw her mother and went
all the way near the light ("my mother has the bluest eyes...I know that because
she's standing right next to you--70 year old woman with a fever of 105
degrees.) Remembering these stories gives my hope and happiness!!! (+ a ufo!)
What
emotions did you experience following your experience?
I felt very
curious, somewhat ashamed that I was scared--felt I was given an opportunity and
was too scared to take full advantage of it.
What
was the best and worst part of your experience?
the worst was
the "golden girl"--the best was the filmy hands BECAUSE I KNOW IT WAS FOR REAL
after seeing those hands
Is
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
yeah, a
ufo hovered over me for a long time in about 1976. I joke about all of this and
call myself "STARSEED"--I have a curved spine, extra bones in my thumbs and lots
of allergies--I think I (and many others) have a variant DNA strain that allows
for these experiences (the ufo-probably my dad checking up on me.)
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No
except the oob did lots of little start ups (nothing to do with medication),
before the full blown golden girl and filmy hands experiences
Did
the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively
describe your experience?
Yes
you
might ask what do I think about it all, but I guess you did
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this
questionnaire.
thanksthanksthanksthanksthanks