Unbeknownst to me, I became very seriously ill in that time and was dying but with no medical checks, I wasn't aware of this.

I went to sleep and had what I firmly believe to be a near death experience within a dream, which completely changed my life.

The dream started in a Victorian house where I used to work. It was very tranquil and quiet with a beautiful golden light; the most beautiful Spring, despite being Autumn.

In the corridor, next to a door was a man with an old wizened sort of face, who was sitting down. He turned to me and gave me the most beautiful, calm, gentle, safe, happy smile and turned away. I stood in the doorway and in front of me was a tall handsome tall man with dark hair. I know I'll know him in the future but I'm not sure how.

I walked through the doorway and the room changed into a little room above the Methodist church I used to attend.

There were two doorways and through one of them, God walked in.

He wasn't my expected view of God. He was extremely thin (like Jack Skellingthorpe in the Nightmare before Christmas film) and initially, his head was a skein of silver grey wool, elongated, with sparks shooting out like sparks. He was around 5ft 6.

Next to him was a young man, maybe early 20s, holding a clipboard. I have no idea who he was but he gave me a look of such warmth and compassion.

Then God told me in a very matter of fact way that Steven, my fiancé, was going to die the following day. And I totally lost it because I knew he was right.

I started screaming and swearing at him, telling him he couldn't die and using swear words I've never used in real life.

By this point, the scene had changed and we were in my local church, moving from what is now the remembrance corner, over to the altar. Steven was standing next to me but he was like a statue and took mo part in the experience.

I was ranting at God, pleading with him to let me die instead because I had cancer and to let Steven live.

The whole time I was screaming, God (who had now changed to a tall man in his mid thirties with brown hair and a strong, kind face was looking away from me and I could tell he was just giving me time to scream and waiting until I finished.

The scene changed again and we were outside a mellow colored sandstone building, like a castle at sunset and the air was beautifully warm and the light in the sunset was beautiful. Everywhere was really calm and beautiful.

Once I was calm, God said I knew Steven was only lent to me (which was true) and that it was his time. He showed me a beautiful blue sky; perfectly brilliantly blue and calm and perfect) and I was told intuitively that thus would be where Steven would be.

I said I'd 'allow' Steven to go there(as if I could stop it!) on condition I could talk yo him at any time, which God promised 

God then gave me a look which changed my life : a 'what are you doing wasting your life' look and I felt really ashamed because I knew at that moment I was only coasting in my life and could be doing much more.

The scene changed again and I was back in the church with the young man with the clipboard. He looked at me apologetically and asked if I wanted to know how Steven would die. I screamed at home and said I knew how; in a helicopter crash, as I'd always known he would. Steven was a pilot and I knew he would die young, in a helicopter crash.

The man looked apologetic (I still feel really guilty at the way I treated him when he was so kind to me) and before I could say anything else,  was shown how Stevens death would feel for him; a huge down rush of air, a massive drop and a very hard landing 

I woke up soon after this and realised I'd felt really well during the experience but as soon as I woke up, the illness and weakness immediately returned.

Steven took me back to the hospital and I just knew it was going to come true and he would die . But I'd been told not to tell him and shown what would happen to him if I did.

I think on sone level he knew, too.

I told him how much I loved him and all the things I wanted to say and he walked off the ward. I never saw him alive again.

I waited all day for news and after my intra thecal chemo, it came on breaking news that he had died. The police came yo my ward to confirm it later that evening.

More things occurred later, too which strengthened the experience.

I also made a promise to God and myself that I would change my life (I knew from experiences I'd had when I was younger that I would survive the cancer ; I'd been told the type I'd get and that I'd survive).

I did change my life. I am now a psychotherapist and write about my Near Death experiences.

There is more to say but the most important thing us that heaven is real and beautiful and, once it's your time, you won't want yo cone back.

Further, God isn't some ethereal being to be feared.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes  I was dying of cancer. Not expected to live beyond the end of the day.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     It just feels 'higher' than words. Spiritual, psychic, loving and heightened awareness. A feeling of being part of the universe and more. Being totally alive and in touch with earth and heaven and life and death. That has stayed with me. I feel half in heaven and half on earth now.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?         From the beginning.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I knew the answer to everything. Everything made perfect sense and life seemed ridiculously simple.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   The Colors during the experience were brighter: golden, like a European sunset color, with warm air.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   Heightened hearing. Also more intuition.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Calm, peace, then utter grief in 3D when I knew my fiancé would be killed.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   Just beautifully golden light everywhere, like a perfect sunset.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I saw God and also a man I can't identify, with a clipboard  who was with god. Perhaps an angel but he wore a suit. Hod also had a suit on : black with silver pinstripe.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   Uncertain   I'm not sure who the man was but perhaps an angel or done thing close to one.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Yes   My fiance, who stood next to me as I was told he would die the next day and why.

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   Yes   That I wasn't living the way I should. I needed to do more in my life and stop coasting.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
Just a beautiful place: quite European, or bethlehem-like and j St calm and quiet, with lovely warm air.

I didn't want yo live but know I couldn't stay.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time didn't mean anything. It was just slow and sedate or felt as if it just stopped altogether.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about the universe
Everything just made complete sense and was just easy and uncomplicated.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
I came to a sandstone building. God was sitting on a low wall near it and I knew I couldn't go into that building.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

Did scenes from the future come to you?  Scenes from my personal future 
That Steven would be killed and why he had to die and why I couldn't tell him.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   It was obvious. I was in heaven. Plus I was shown where Steven would be once he was killed.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   He does exist  I spoke to him- and swore at him profusely! He felt like an equal, though. The feeling of him being with me never ever leaves me now. I used to swear at him all the time after Stevens death but I've started yo warm towards him again recently, crazy as that sounds.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   Uncertain   It felt like a continuous existence of never beginning and never ending.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   We are all one and part of the universe and everything. No beginning or ending and so much love. War and hatred now seem ridiculous. There's way more to life!

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes   We're here to be happy  And to learn and move on. We have free will and we choose how and when we die.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   We choose what happens to us, to learn.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   Basically, love is all there is. Nothing else is important.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Yes   God is there for us all. We can change our lives whenever we want to become happy. We can talk to the dead anytime we like. They're right there, so talk to them!

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   That were each here for a specific reason. The world is do precious and we need to do more to heal it. Nothing else matters apart from that and loving each other. Kindness and live are all that matters.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I was bordering in atheist until my experience. I now firmly believe in God and heaven. I have no fear of death. Life is to be enjoyed.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.   It's left such a strong mark on me. I'm half in and half our of heaven now. I trust my intuition, I feel I've become psychic and more intuitive.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I know God exists. I talk to God and angels and rely on them in my daily life. I wish everyone could experience the sense of calm I've had since my experience

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   More compassionate (I'm now a psychotherapist ) and less stressed in life. No fear of death.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   I rely fully on intuition now and it never let's me down. I can dream of heaven and Steven when I want to.

I believe I am psychic now.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     If I hadn't been told Steven was going to die by God, is have stopped the chemo and died of the cancer. I think this is the reason for my experience : to make sure I continued to live because I know he's still there and there is a god who is keeping Steven safe . Also showed me the meaning if life, which in turn changed my life.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes 

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   I had heard of them but always thought you went through a tunnel, which wasn't my experience.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   I knew it was real because I was told how, when and why Steven would die and he did. Also I knew I'd beat the cancer completely, which I have

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   Because of Stevens death and also because of how I feel : calm and with one foot still in heaven. And cured of cancer.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I'm calmer and happier. Not stressed, don't worry about things and optimistic, which everyone seems yo react positively to.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I know know there's a god and we all have free will

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Yes   I've had a few experiences like this in my life.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   That it was wonderful and I'm only here and alive because of it. If I hadn't spoken to God, I couldn't have - and wouldn't hsvr- wanted to live with cancer and without Steven

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes   The questions all directly pertained to my experience.