Experience description:

It was just an ordinary night. My dreams are never boring and I usually remember them once I awake, but they fade quickly like dreams tend to do. It’s a shame that my dreams are mostly about possible events and timelines. I rarely get to experience a fun tour with the birds in the sky, with me flapping my very human arms as if flying is an actual thing we humans can do (but yes, once or twice I’ve had the honor and I cherish these fine moments). But while my dreams are easy on the whimsical, they are very exiting most of the time. I wouldn’t call them nightmares, but they would make for excellent action thriller scripts. When I wake from my dreams, I’m always bummed out that I don’t get to see the next episode.

So, my dreams are vivid (not lucid), but sometimes I experience a dream that is more than vivid. A dream that feels real (still not lucid), that had a certain sparkle to it. Waking up from these dreams, that I rarely have, is very disorienting and it is hard to let the dream go. They feel important.

The dream I’m about to describe is one of those dreams. It’s been a minute, but I think about it regularly. It was one of those dreams where you think you’re waking up as usual, but then it turns out it was just a dream and you have to do the whole waking up thing again (that always annoys me). In this dream, my alarm clock radio went off and tuned into the morning news. The news presenter started of with news that would leave the world in shock if it were for real. Michael Jackson, 50 years old, was found dead. Cause of death appeared to be cardiac arrest. His death took place right before he would start his highly anticipated This is it concerts. My reaction to the news was as to be expected. A huge star dies at a young age, it’ll get your attention, right? No snoozing, you’re wide awake!

And that’s when I woke up in real life. Maybe because of my radio clock, I don’t remember, but I do remember being very disoriented and my head was spinning, trying to process the dream. It felt BIG and I couldn’t let it go.

I’m not a Michael Jackson fan. Not even close. It was hard to miss the tour promotions, other than that I was unaware of anything Michael Jackson. Consciously anyway. Other than common knowledge. When I calmed down a bit, I was kind of disappointed that some details didn’t rhyme with reality (I know, I don’t wish harm to anyone, but dreams this vivid make you wonder…). Like his age. I’m not sure if I believed him to be way younger or far older than 50, but 50 didn’t seem right. And his tour (or not a tour, all at one location), that was already well on it’s way, right?

I went on with my day feeling weird and full of adrenaline. When I arrived at work, I immediately told my manager (and friend) about my dream. She wasn’t impressed, because, well, whatever. Someone else’s dream usually isn’t that interesting. The dream was on my mind all day and at the end of my shift, my very much so MJ super-fan co-worker arrived and I jumped at him with the joke I had been brewing on all day. ‘Such a shame, Michael Jackson dying, just when was about to perform here (The Netherlands, I was aware he didn’t perform in our country yet. I wasn’t aware he wouldn’t be performing here at all at that point)!’ He did not appreciate my joke. I am aware that my jokes can be awful. In hindsight, unfortunately. He actually got a bit mad at me, saying he managed to get tickets to one of the shows and he would finally get to see his hero perform in real life. My bad.

After that day, I let that silly dream go. Until I woke up from the sound of my alarm clock, a few months later. The distinctive click when the radio is turned on, the news presenter announcing the eight am news. The first item of the day, big news that would leave the world in shock. Michael Jackson had died at the age of 50. Right before hit This is it concerts would start. Presumable cardiac arrest. I don’t remember which tiny details, but there were tiny differences between this real announcement and the dream I had a few months before. But not a lot. It was almost exactly like my dream, the whole waking up thing, the radio, the everything. And my dream turned out to be more accurate than my consciousness believes about the concerts and Michael’s age. I do think that by the time I heard the news, the presenter shared more details about the suspected cause of death, but cardiac arrest was still mentioned.

I was in shock and again, after hearing this news, I was wide awake. In that moment, I truly believed that I had had knowledge of something big that did not happen yet and I couldn’t wrap my mind around what that meant. What that implies about life. About what else might be possible. I was in an amazed state for days! And I was so glad that I had shared my dream with a number of people!

When I got to work that day, I couldn’t wait to talk to my manager. I expected her to be as shocked by my ‘premonition’ as I was, but she was very unimpressed. That made me start to kind of doubt myself. I am an over-sharer (I’m sure you can tell by the way I use so many words to tell a short dream), so I shared my story with anyone who would listen that day and a few days after. Nothing but polite smiles and nods.

The shock and awe of my experience soon wore off and I went on with my life. But every once in a while it hits me. This was not nothing. And what does it imply? I don’t know and it amazes me that my brain is so willing to ignore the fact that sometimes I experience things in life that make no scientific sense. Things that should make me see new truths. But it’s like it’s too big to grasp for me.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?      No     

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          No     

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No     

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?    It felt normal, as if I were awake.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  In hindsight yes, but at the time it felt real.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   No     

What emotions did you feel during the experience?         In my dream, shocked by the news like you would be in real life, when it actually happend, shocked by my dream coming true, mind blown.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?         No

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?         No     

Did you see a light?        No     

Did you meet or see any other beings?         No     

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?         No     

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes    I dreamed something that didn’t happen. I’ve shared it with several people. And then it did happen.

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Yes    Same as if I were awake

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No     

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         No     

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?           No     

Did you become aware of future events?      Yes    I dreamed how I heard the news about Michael Jackson’s death

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?     Uncertain     I have always been drawn to the possibility that we might be a bit arrogant to think we know it all, and even though I did experience some things up to that point that made me go ‘huh…’, this one is harder to ignore. Whenever I feel a bit lost and start wondering if there is a point to it all, I think of this experience and find comfort in it. I may not understand it, but there might be more to this life. But to be honest, right after the real deal happened, I expected the awe to last. It did not.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?   I guess it makes me a bit more brave at times. Brave enough to look at my truth and be honest about how I feel and what I need. It makes me feel at times that that’s what’s important. But my goldfish brain has a hard time keeping that thought for long.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain     Not in a huge way, but I think it does effect some of the paths I take, at times more than a little.

Have you shared this experience with others?       Yes          Unimpressed. They thought it was funny, but nothing more than a coincidence. I do notice that when I share my story now, 16 years later, people are way more open to the possibility of this being more than a coincidence. Some share their own experiences.

What emotions did you experience following your experience? Shock, awe, happiness, I felt light, like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          The best part was being so sure that there was more to life than meets the eye. For a short while, my perspective shifted and all my worries seemed so small and not important. I guess the worst was life as I knew it, creeping back in. The heaviness of it. Everything felt so light and bright for a little while.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? As I mentioned before, it dawned on me many years later that this never felt like it was about the death of Michael Jackson. I used to wonder why I saw what I saw. Was I supposed to act on it? That never felt right to me. I didn’t see his future experience, I saw mine. It feels like a reminder to myself that life isn’t just the heavy stuff, the chaos, overwhelming (I have a very happy and great life, but my brain is a piece of work). In a weird way, considering the not so happy news item, it gives me hope.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       Yes    There have been a few before or after, but not like this one until two years ago. Another very vivid dream that made a big impression. I dreamed that I had cancer and the only treatment option was taking two pills. I would have to go away for a while, take the two pills (one for treatment, one for nausea). If this didn’t work, there would be no other treatment possible. This dream was very elaborate. Family stuff, lots of activities, I covered a few weeks or months in this dream. I saw how I wanted to spend as much time with my kids as possible, but that I kept letting myself be distracted by other things.

I woke up in the middle of the night. My son wanted to feed. Like the other dream, this one would NOT let me go. It felt very important. I decided to write it down, instead of getting some more of that much needed sleep. The intense feeling scared me a bit. I didn’t have cancer, right? I have two small children, I cannot leave. Not now! But as I wrote it down, I figured it must be a strong warning, stemming from my own guilty conscience, that I should spend way more time with my kids. The details were off too (again, according to my believes). You don’t treat cancer with a pill. You treat it with chemo. It had been a rough year with our beautiful newborn and it was time to bring back some balance.

Two days after this dream, I was writing in my journal (I do that a lot, helps me sort out my brain, see things a little more straight) and all of a sudden I kind of heard/felt ‘there will be a miracle this week’. Now this part is a bit hard to digest for me, to be honest, but let’s just include it for the sake of the complete story. My reaction to that ‘message’ was something like ‘whatever…’

What happened two days later (4 after the dream) - make of it whatever you want - but to me, in the moment, felt like the miracle. My son and I were cuddling in bed before getting up to get my daughter ready for school. My son is a wild one. His cuddles are the best and super dangerous. He kicked me hard in my throat. I yelped, grabbing my throat, and started to tell him to be more careful with his kicks. But as soon as I touched the spot where he hit me, I felt a large bump and said ‘never mind, thank you!’ I knew. I new that the dream I had four days ago was not about my guilty conscious (although it sure is an important message to take seriously), it really was about cancer. In that moment, I had no doubt about it. I felt this calm truth.

I went to see my gp that same morning and he wasn’t concerned at all. The bump was on my thyroid and 95% of these kind of bumps are benign. Because of the slim chances of it being cancer and the boring nature of thyroid cancer, doctors are not in a particular hurry to get the tests done. I did get an ultrasound that looked horrible and gave me an instant dry mouth and it clearly upset the us tech, but not to worry, it was still just moderately suspicious. But I knew. All this time I knew and I was surprisingly ok with it.