Experience description:

I have been trying to make sense of this experience since it happened.  In 2006, I died in an accidental overdose of a combination of medication while sick.  While I was not ever "pronounced dead"....I know that I died.  I went to sleep in my bed that night and woke up more alive than I have ever been, but without a body and I was in complete endless empty darkness.  I was pure consciousness and I was still me but completely alone. It felt like I was there forever, and I even had thoughts that I never really existed.  It also felt more real than even life itself.  I desperately tried to get back into my body for a very long time and by some miracle I felt my fingers and was back.  I immediately got up and didn't go back to sleep that night because I knew that I would die for good.  It was absolutely a terrifying experience and I haven't shared it because of the shame associated with the way if happened and not wanting to scare other people of death.   I am wondering if more people have had a similar experience.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Uncertain  After my experience when I got back into my body, I knew that if I didn't stay awake that it was certain that I would die for good.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No    

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?      During the whole experience.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I was pure thought and felt more alive.  It felt more real than this.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   My vision has always been good, but there was nothing to see there except endless black.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   My hearing has always been good, but there was nothing to hear besides my own thoughts.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   It was very distressful.  I was terrified, utterly alone, and I felt complete despair.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   No  

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   Some unfamiliar and strange place
I was in pure empty blackness.  Like being buried alive forever.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I had no concept of time while there.  It sometimes seemed like I had always and will always be there.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   I was aware that I was dead and still conscious.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No  

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I thought that I would be greeted by loved ones that had passed.  My mom had passed away 6 years prior, but she was not there.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   This experience is crystal clear to me.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I don't think that this experience impacted my current spirituality except for knowing that consciousness goes on in one form or the other.  I think other experiences have guided me to the place of knowing that I have today.  I would very much like to know about this dark place and make sense of it.

My experience directly resulted in:   Slight changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   Immediately after this experience, I was terrified of death.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   No  

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     Just the fact that I know that I existed beyond death.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   No 

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   I read Betty Eadie's book "Embraced by the Light" when I was a teenager.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   My experience was absolutely real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   I knew that I was dead, and I know that my experience was real.  More real in fact than my experiences in real life.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No  

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No  

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No  

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   I would like very much to make sense of this experience.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes   What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?  Connect me with people or research that have information about the experience that I had.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?              I think that your questionnaire was great.