Experience description:   

I will start with a little background.  I was 15 living at home with my mother, step father and younger sister.  My mother and step father (ken)  abused drugs and alcohol on a very frequent basis.  My step father was a very abusive, angry man.  He was physically abusive, mentally abusive and I believe sexually abusive.

He and my mother got together when I was about 10 years old. Living in my house was a world of tension and fear. By the time I was 15 I believed that death would be better than to keep living in the hell I was living in.  I felt so alone, isolated, scared and frankly just exhausted, emotionally and physically.

The night of my out of body experience I was trying to clean up before my mom and ken got home.  I was trying to get my sister to help me, but she was being difficult and I just couldn't get her to cooperate.  I was afraid that if everything wasn't perfect that there would be trouble.  I was a fixer and trying to fix everything that evening as well as arguing with my sister just pushed me over the edge. 

I grabbed a butcher knife and the knife sharpener and brought them both down to my bedroom in the basement.  I sat on the floor with my back leaning against the bed.  I was crying as I sharpened the knife and when I believed it was sharp enough I started cutting myself.  I remember being surprised that I felt no pain while I cut myself.  I was hysterical.  I remember that I was crying and laughing at the same time.  It doesn't make much sense, but I was. 

Then in a split second, I was no longer on the floor.  My body was, but I was in the right hand corner of the room behind myself, looking down at myself.  I don't know if I was still cutting at that point.  I do remember looking down at myself in hysterics.   

I believe that my true essence was up near the ceiling.  My spirit.  This is the part that I find hard to explain.  My spirit had no problems.  I felt such peace and love.  It was me, without the flaws and baggage of life.  I felt such love and compassion for the person down on the floor.  I felt detached, but linked.  I wish there was a better way to experience. 

When I found myself back in my body I was much calmer.  I put away the knife and went to bed.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No      

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     I find the feelings I was experiencing hard to articulate.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      I was attempting suicide.  I had a butcher knife and was trying to cut my arms.  Whether or not I would have succeeded... I don't know.  I believe, if I had not experienced what I had experienced there was a good possibility that I could have been seriously injured.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           I was wide awake.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes     I have no recollection of looking like anything. I don't believe I had a body.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Peace, love, wisdom.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           No

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    No           

Did you see a light?           No      

Did you meet or see any other beings?           No      

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Uncertain            I could see myself, but don't recall hearing myself.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     I remember that time didn't seem to be a factor.  It felt like a blink, but was at least a couple hours.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes            Just a peace and love that is unexplainable.  I had a no fears, I felt wise and knowing.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             No      

Did you become aware of future events?       Uncertain      I seemed to know that everything would be ok.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       No       Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?   Uncertain      I've been very sensitive since that time in my life, but I'm not sure if it came from that experience. I believe that my sensitivities come more from  survival instinct.  I have on several occasions been able to feel when something bad is about to happen.  I also think I'm slightly more empathic than the average person.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     After this experience I have no fear of death.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       Shortly after this experience I arranged to be removed from my home.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes     Not only did it open my eyes to true love and compassion, it enabled me to find help.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I haven't told many people.  I think for the most part peoples reactions are skeptical when I've told them.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  I knew I had to get out. I believed it was liberating.  It helped me feel more confident about my future.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part was getting a glimpse of my true self and just being able to know that one day I will be like that again.  I believe being able to experience this empowered me to change my circumstances.  I guess the worst part is that I haven't been able to experience this again.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes