They explained to me that living was my own choice. They would welcome me back with open arms but my life on earth was for a reason. There were other souls currently on earth that I had made promises, to live out experiences with and if I didn't keep these commitments, there would be *great* loss for us all. They said that the life I had chosen (and they had helped me choose it, too) was not going to be an easy one but they had the utmost confidence in me that I could do it. They said that I had also told them that I wanted to do this life on my own before I was born, that I didn't want too much help. They didn't think I would have the difficulties that I was having. But then again, it was my choice. They said that if I chose not to go back to earth that it would take several lifetimes to finish the work that I had started in this life. If I could go back to earth it really would be for the best, all concerned. They said that if I went back to earth they would promise me that they would always stay very near to me and that they would give me the tools that I needed to survive. I decided to return only if they promised that they would be very close with me on earth. As I went back to that dark tunnel a hand touched mine and I looked beside me and there was a figure of white light. This soul or what I would call an angel had decided to come to earth with me. Then I felt very happy about coming back. We leaped off into the tunnel hand in hand. 

The next thing that I knew, I felt like someone had kicked me in the head. I opened my eyes and was furious. (I hardly ever get furious :) I was just feeling these extreme emotions. Our group leader for the night was crouched down beside me. As I became aware of him. He said, "Oh thank God." I then started to yell at him. I think I actually swore at him! Rubbing my head and asking him why he kicked me in the head. He said, "I didn't kick you! I was worried. You took one long deep breath which I noticed. But then I looked over and you were not breathing. I waited and waited but you didn't breathe, so I got worried and shook you a bit, to wake you up." I assured him I was okay and they went on with the mediation. I just laid there on the floor feeling new :)

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain      some parts of it were

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      I don't know if I would have started breathing back on my own... but something happened because I was very angry when the leader shook me because I felt like he had kicked my in the head. It felt like I had been hit. Disoriented and had a bad headache.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    9 pm

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            9 pm

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     I usually wear glasses but everything was very clear and crisp.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     I seemed to hear internally and not through my ears. It was more like experiencing than hearing.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Unconditional love and acceptance, comfort, overwhelming trust and acceptance, felt that I was home there, concern for everyone and myself, responsibility.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     I noticed ahead of me a long grey/blue/black tunnel and there seemed to be a light at the end of it. As I thought about going to see what the light was I began to fly down it.

Did you see a light?           Yes     a bright white.. maybe with a golden hue to it

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     two figures there. They were men dressed in long robes bluish/white in color and had long white beards. They were in this entrance of sorts to the lighted area. It was a 'heavenly' area you could just feel it. Unconditional love and acceptance was oozing from this place and the two men. They talked to me like they had known me for ages and as if they knew me better than my own parents. I felt that they understood me completely and I trusted them completely, 

They explained to me that living was my own choice. They would welcome me back with open arms but my life on earth was for a reason. There were other souls currently on earth that I had made promises, to live out experiences with and if I didn't keep these commitments, there would be *great* loss for us all. They said that the life I had chosen (and they had helped me choose it, too) was not going to be an easy one but they had the utmost confidence in me that I could do it. They said that I had also told them that I wanted to do this life on my own before I was born, that I didn't want too much help. They didn't think I would have the difficulties that I was having. But then again, it was my choice. They said that if I chose not to go back to earth that it would take several lifetimes to finish the work that I had started in this life. If I could go back to earth it really would be for the best, all concerned. They said that if I went back to earth they would promise me that they would always stay very near to me and that they would give me the tools that I needed to survive.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Uncertain      At the end of the tunnel was where 'home' was. 

They explained to me that living was my own choice. They would welcome me back with open arms but my life on earth was for a reason. There were other souls currently on earth that I had made promises, to live out experiences with and if I didn't keep these commitments, there would be *great* loss for us all. They said that the life I had chosen (and they had helped me choose it, too) was not going to be an easy one but they had the utmost confidence in me that I could do it. They said that I had also told them that I wanted to do this life on my own before I was born, that I didn't want too much help. They didn't think I would have the difficulties that I was having. But then again, it was my choice. They said that if I chose not to go back to earth that it would take several lifetimes to finish the work that I had started in this life. If I could go back to earth it really would be for the best, all concerned. They said that if I went back to earth they would promise me that they would always stay very near to me and that they would give me the tools that I needed to survive.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     That I would be meeting and impacting many people in my lifetime.

I had a career as a PSW (nurses aide that did homecare.. I also specialized in palliative care) I'm now training to be a social worker. As a teen I was a shy isolated girl.

I could never have forseen that.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     The cave was a  boundary to the other side. I could not cross there.

The cave was lit and I didn't know where the lgith came from. Different than that light of the fire.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     In what I thought would have taken hours.. was only a matter of minutes in Earth time:)

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes     I now believe in reincarnation. I understand how we travel with other souls through lifetimes to experience. I truly believe everything that the two men/guardians told me about my purpose here on earth.

That we all come in to experience with each other. We form an agreement. If one party decides to cut their life short then the agreement still has to be played out in other lifetimes. We plan our lives good and bad. We pick our parents and situations that we live in.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     the cave had a front entrance that connected to the tunnel and then the back of the cave had a portal/door to beyond Earth and physicality.

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes
            Some general ideas but since then I have psychic visions of the future.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     I have had psychic abilities from a small child but I believe that it all has been amplified by this first experience and then still through other experiences.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     People find it very believable and they even seem to get understanding and peace from it. It took me some time to communicate it to others though. I felt very weird and different for a long time.. even now sometimes still

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Uncertain            I wasn't really interested in that aspect of my spirituality. I was more interested in dealing with life and typical teenage stuff:)

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    It was a life altering... bigger than life experience.

It also scared the leader of the group he never lead a group in meditating again.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?   

This part still helps me to this day:

They explained to me that living was my own choice. They would welcome me back with open arms but my life on earth was for a reason. There were other souls currently on earth that I had made promises, to live out experiences with and if I didn't keep these commitments, there would be *great* loss for us all. They said that the life I had chosen (and they had helped me choose it, too) was not going to be an easy one but they had the utmost confidence in me that I could do it. They said that I had also told them that I wanted to do this life on my own before I was born, that I didn't want too much help. They didn't think I would have the difficulties that I was having. But then again, it was my choice. They said that if I chose not to go back to earth that it would take several lifetimes to finish the work that I had started in this life. If I could go back to earth it really would be for the best, all concerned. They said that if I went back to earth they would promise me that they would always stay very near to me and that they would give me the tools that I needed to survive.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real            definitely real. It changed my life. I no longer was the depressed teen. I felt new and was never wanting to 'end it all' again:)

It helps me to understand who I am and who we all are.. and why the earth is here.

I feel I have answers where others may not.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Uncertain      I just feel that I am different and that some people, friends and family do not understand me as well as they used to.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes     I am totally a spiritual person. I gravitate towards the Native spiritual practices and pagan.

I don't believe in Hell and I feel that God is a male female energy that resides in all of us... or that we are a part of.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes     Another NDE during the birth of my first child.