Michael M's Experience
2580
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Experience description:
This was the fourth out
of six performances of the role of Hamlet, after an 8 week rehearsal period. I
considered the first three performances (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) to be
quite disappointing and was artistically frustrated.
On Monday I lashed
out at the director, a close personal friend, blaming her for my poor
performances. By Wednesday, filled with shame, I apologized to her, saying her
love was so much more important to me than the success of the show, that I
didn't care about it enough to let it destroy our friendship.
We hugged and,
following our acting instincts, spent that day, Thursday, and Friday re-reading
the script in hopes of finding some missing key to that Friday evening's
performance. The only real key I found was the sense of warmth and security I
had in re-affirming our love.
An hour before the
Friday curtain, I decided that, as Hamlet, I would simply try to love each of
the characters on stage, as simply and truthfully as I could. And THIS turned
out to be THE KEY!
Hamlet's first
lines, responding to his Mother's question about his melancholy, had always been
delivered in a petulant manner. But this time, trying to show love for his
Mother, the response was filled with sympathy; after all, Hamlet had lost a
Father but his Mother had lost a Husband.
And then, Hamlet's
Uncle addresses him. I, as Hamlet, was thrown into a great Dramatic Conflict;
how could I show love for the man who MURDERED my Father? In retrospect, I
surmised that the character of Hamlet I was performing became so caught up in
this dilemma that the character completely inhabited my brain and body. The
consciousness of Michael was no longer needed, and I floated up, out of my body
and above the stage.
I remember feeling
like a marionette puppeteer, looking down at the tops of the heads of the actors
on stage. I could suggest to Hamlet to make a gesture here or there for
emphasis, but he was in control of my body. As I remember it now, I could float
back into my body and back out again at will.
My most concrete
memory is of Hamlet's scene with Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern, in which he
delivers the "What a piece of work is a man" speech. We had it blocked out that
I walk downstage center and say the speech to the audience, while R&G remain
upstage with my back to them. The speech begins with the line, "Look you sir at
this great overhanging firmament". This night, I could plainly see from above
the stage, that Rosenkrantz was mocking me behind my back, mimicking my
gestures. So Hamlet said, "Look you, sirs" and then I had Hamlet turn quickly
around, catching Rosenkrantz in his mocking. I repeated the line directly to
them; "LOOK you, sirs". I then turned back to the audience to finish the speech.
The two actors were visibly amazed I had caught them and remarked about it to me
after the show.
I can't recall
exactly how long this OBE lasted, or how I eventually rejoined my physical body
again. I do recall a great euphoria over the incident. I had read Elizabeth
Kubler-Ross and knew this was similar, though not in any way end of life trauma.
Several Acting
writers have mentioned the problems of watching yourself acting on stage saying
it's only beneficial under certain circumstances. I'm curious if they are
referring to OBE occurrences? I have never had the experience, on or off stage,
again.
Did
you have any sense of altered space or time?
No
Any
associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the
experience?
No
Was
the kind of experience difficult to express in words?
No
At
the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening
event?
No
What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?
Extremely high level of both
Was the experience dream like in any way?
No.
it seemed very real and logical at the time.
Did
you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Yes I had no physical perception of my consciousness. I recall it as an
energy.
What emotions did you feel during the experience?
Joy,
euphoria, empathy
Did
you hear any unusual sounds or noises?
no.
LOCATION DESCRIPTION:
Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar
religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or
amazing creatures?
No
Did
you see a light?
No
Did
you meet or see any other beings?
No
Did
you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?
No
Did
you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience
that could be verified later?
No
Did
you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they
different?
No
Did
you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or
purpose?
No
Did
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
No
Did
you become aware of future events?
No
Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the
body?
Uncertain As described, I am uncertain as to when, how or why I returned.
But I have never regarded this as "Mystical"; I was not told to return.
Did
you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience
that you did not have prior to the experience?
No
Did
you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
Uncertain I don't attach any religious significance to this episode. For
me, it was a natural occurrence of which I have no explanation.
How
has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices?
Career choices?
I
pursued an MFA in Theatre and always looked to have the experience again, but
never did.
Has
your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?
No
Have you shared this experience with others?
Yes Either disbelief or incomprehension
What emotions did you experience following your experience?
Wonder , euphoria, elation
What was the best and worst part of your experience?
the
sense of freedom was the best part. the inability to recreate the phenomena the
worst.
Is
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
I'd
sure like to know what it was, how and why it occurred, and have others
experienced the same.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No
Did
the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively
describe your experience?
Yes