Experience description:

As stated elsewhere on this form, I'd practiced Zen meditation previously. During the six (or so) years I meditated I experienced transcendence (Satori type) on three occasions. I will come back to this later. Also note, about a month previous to my taking this weekend workshop on shamanic practice I had signed up to be a Hospice volunteer, this training would begin in September, about 3 months after the experience I'm about to describe.

So .. I attended a weekend workshop on shamanism at Eastern Oregon University in June of 1993. The workshop was being run by a Psychoanalyst named William Wise. (I have to chuckle at his last name! Today I would have asked him what flavor of Psychology he was involved with.) Mr. Wise had trained with Michael Harner, (author of "The Way of The Shaman," plus numerous other books on the subject) and he was teaching a method of shamanic journeying that Harner had developed. During the introduction, Mr. Wise did briefly mention 'active imagination' as is employed in Trans personal Psychology and also went briefly into Jungian Archetypes, though for the most part stayed with more traditional language involving 'Spirit Worlds, Upper and lower and middle world realms. The method is fairly simple. Essentially, the journey only STARTS with a conscious visualization - then the 'visualization' takes on a life of it's own. Intention is key to this method (no just tripping around for curiosity sake) and a drum is used.

The first day and a half of the workshop was directed towards our getting used to the method, journeying for others at the workshop (anonymously .. we didn't know who we were journeying for) plus some time to journey on our own intentions. The last journey of the weekend was a group journey however. Mr. Wise wanted all of us to journey on this question:  "What is the fate of the human soul."

I'm not going to go into great detail about what happened next and would have difficulty with that anyway, as I will explain at the end of this narrative. I chose a certain mountain to begin this journey, but before even really stating the intention, I found myself being pulled (or sucked) upwards with an unexpected force. At this point I was not able to hear the drum that Mr. Wise was beating, nor was I at all aware of my body.  I found myself on some type of salt or alkaline type plain with some white, low lying mountains in the distance. An androgynous person, clad and veiled in black was approaching. It was only when this 'person' was standing directly in front of me that she removed her veil. A woman, left side of face was smooth, in it's prime. The right side looked like a late 30'ish woman who'd had a very tough life .. too many drugs, or men or who knows what. Hair brittle and white. I asked my question: "what is the fate of the human soul" and she just pointed sky-ward. I was suddenly flying upwards, seeing various realms that included mountains, plains, oceans. At one point I found myself above the earth and two things occurred to me simultaneously: the first was that however fantastic, I wasn't learning anything so it was time to change my intention (question), the second was that I knew I had a choice, I could turn outwards towards the stars or come down to Earth. If I went towards the stars I felt that I wouldn't understand what I saw, so I came down (very suddenly) to Earth.

It was at this point where I met an old man carrying a large sack up a road, he didn't acknowledge my presence. Though I wasn't thinking in language I will translate my new intention as this question: "Since much of humanity believes in some type of heaven and much of humanity believes in re-incarnation, could both be somehow true?"  At this question the old man looked straight at me and seemed angry - I "heard" his voice, "That is NOT for you to know."

Wrong question .. but I remembered that I was joining a local hospice organization in a few months so I asked this: "What can I bring back from this place to help a dying person?" The man's attitude changed immediately, he smiled and pointed upwards. This is where this journey changed.

As I write this, I realize that what I've recounted so far just sounds like a bunch of new-age crap. Maybe it was, but what happened next wasn't. I again found myself above the Earth only this time I was moving outward and away from Earth. I was heading towards the band of the Milky-Way when I noticed I was approaching darkness. I didn't think this unusual until I realized I was being sucked into it at an increasing rate of speed, until I realized I was in a tunnel and moving at incredible  speed - and that there was no possible way to turn back.

OK, as my time working on this narrative is limited (working on a public PC) and since you have read - heard - watched this stuff before I am going to be brief. I encountered the 'veiled woman' at least twice more (especially at the end of this experience), encountered a white Light and a light of golden amber. Both lights were extremely brilliant, but being blinded was impossible and both lights were extremely well defined - not 'fuzzy' (I would encounter the 'fuzzy light' type 'entity' while shamanizing in later years. I consider such to be a collective thought form). I had no feelings for the White Light, nor it for myself. It acted like a type of portal and at one point elongated into a tunnel of light. The Golden Amber light was very different however. Yes it was engulfing me with unconditional love - forgiveness is not necessary as I'd never done anything wrong - but what really continues to surprise me all these years later is that somehow I had (and have) always known this being.

I finally ended up in an otherworldly environment that I've never heard any NDEr describe. It was like a moon - no atmosphere - the Golden Light was on a horizon, there was a sea of golden-LIQUID light. At the beach of this sea and at a small distance away, the Woman was there. I asked her what I could bring back from this place that could help a dying person. I heard hear voice -  a command - "Tell them to love THIS."

This was confusing as I didn't know what 'THIS' was. I looked down and noticed that I had a dream-like body and that I was standing thigh deep in this golden liquid light. I asked, "Tell them to love the Light?  "Yes ..tell them To Love The Light." I suddenly found myself standing right in front of her - the white light was directly behind her, framing her in brilliant light that should have obscured her features. Gone was the look of disease that seemed to be a part of her earlier. She seemed to be scanning my 'body' somehow.  She told me I'd been there long enough and I needed to go back. I had a confusing moment of return - but it wasn't until I found myself in my body that I could hear the drumming. I lay on my back while William Wise drummed for the other participants who were still journeying. I lay there for at least 10 minutes until the session ended.

OK .. here is what I find was different between my experience and those experiencers who have "flat-lined," so to speak. First, many experiencers describe their experience as being hyper-real. I did not; however, "hyper-reality" can be used to describe part of the experience of Satori, or other types of spiritual transcendence. I had previously experienced these types of transcendent experiences - so perhaps I didn't need this?? I ask myself this question as I feel that this NDE (or something like it) was meant to happen.

"Flatliners" (I know that sounds rude .. sorry.) also remember their experience in vivid detail and do not forget the sequence of events. By the next day I noticed that the sequence of events was becoming confused for me so I wrote down the experience. I didn't want to loose it.

So my NDE type experience had a more dream like quality. Yet for all of that, I had no awareness of my body, I could not hear a rather loud drum that was beating and I came back from my 'journey' 10 minutes ahead of everyone else. I will also share this about the workshop. At the end of every journey that we did, we were invited to share our experience if we wanted too. Out of the 15 or so people who journeyed on this question - "what is the fate of the human soul - only four of us remembered anything at all.  Sound familiar?

I will finish with this. I continued to shamanize for about four years.  I had a terrifying "dream" at one point that was similar to what some negative NDE'S present as. Unlike negative NDE's however,  the situation resolved itself in less than 24 hours. 

I've gone on to have another type of transcendent experience that is different than what Buddhism, Hinduism etc describe. This occurred in the summer of 2015 and I remained in this non-standard type of consciousness for 6 to 7 weeks. If interested call me. But the hallmark of that experience was that I felt "HOME." I call it "Tri-nary Consciousness, curiously an NDE'R named Tina Sweeny calls it Triune Consciousness. Her story can be found in PMH Atwaters book, "The Big Book of NDE'S" I think that's the title anyway.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?      No     

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          Yes    It is difficult to explain unconditional love such as I experienced it. It is also difficult to explain thinking without language plus how I sensed, or more precisely, how I later visualized the non-linear aspect to this experience. The whole event came as a package, a "bubble that looked like a dewdrop" wherein the contents of the event happened simultaneously - though I experienced it sequentially during the experience itself. I 'visualized' the non-linear nature of the event later that day in the evening

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No     

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?    I was very alert. How do you measure a level of consciousness?

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  Yes. But it was very intense and I was unaware of any external stimuli.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   Yes    OK.  I would not describe my experience as an OBE, but I was unaware I even had a body until the end of the experience. What body I had seemed to be a dream image. An accommodation for what I would ordinarily expect perhaps.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Curiosity, excitement awe. No fear.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?         NO. Just

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?         No     

Did you see a light?        Yes    White light - acted like a portal.  Golden amber light - a being that expressed unconditional love. A more diffuse, less bright light that might represent our physical sun.

Did you meet or see any other beings?         Yes    An old man who looked Native America. A woman, clad in black that represented both birth and death.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?         No     

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No     

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Yes    OK .. I was not even connected to my 5 senses. I could not hear a drum being beaten (loudly), I could not feel my body lying on the floor. I just wasn't noticing anything like that.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes          Time wasn't linear.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         No     

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?           No     

Did you become aware of future events?      No     

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?          Yes    I was told I'd been there long enough and needed to return.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?      Yes    Yes. Mostly just in the form of regular synchronicity, though some of these have been - shall I say - quite interesting. I've had a few dreams that I now know were prescient especially regarding where I would later live and regarding what I would later learn spiritually. But these type of dreams seem to be like being given a lesson plan in advance.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?     Yes    I could write a book - but won't. It took me decades to understand how "spiritual transcendence" is different from visionary (or soul based) transcendence.  Both are complimentary dualities. My attitude towards most so called spiritual teachers selling their special teachings these day's is one of .. disgust. (Eckhart Tolles is an example.) There is no such thing of "Non-Duality. That at best is just one third of what life is.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?   The experience affected my career. I left a job in public utilities for one in social services. Didn't really affect my relationships. Lead to my identifying as a non-traditional Taoist today.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes    See the above answer. Sorry folks I'm on a pubic PC right now so need cut this short.

Have you shared this experience with others?       Yes          I've had positive support from those I trust.

What emotions did you experience following your experience? Nothing to report on this.  I shamanized for about 4 years after my experience. I consider my NDE to have been a type of initiation.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          Nothing to report on this.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? Yes. Best? Worst? I do not separate my NDE type experience from my previous experiences involving meditation (which began with a transcendent 'Zen-type experience) or my later practice of shamanic journeying. I neither meditate or journey today

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       Yes    Yes.  Shamanic journeying can reproduce some of what I experienced, but not usually to the degree of intensity of what I experienced. I've never done hallucinogens to induce a shamanic trance BTW.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes    Comprehensive?

NO WAY.

Accurate?

YES.

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.       Suggestions .. Hmm. You could call me if you would like!  The NDE type experience I had has without question been the most important spiritual experience I've had. In fact I would say it was pivotal in turning my attention to soul. Previous spiritual practice was Zen (without the Buddhism), but 'spirit' is only one half (or less) of what makes us human. I would like to express more of what my NDE did for me.  But this format is limiting. But I know it needs to be this way. About the questionnaire. Not having my own PC to work through the questions was an issue.  I was hoping to be able to easily save my answers and come back to it.