Maggie E's Experience
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Experience description:
I was sitting on the
porch steps outside my house on a pleasant morning waiting for a co worker to
come pick me up for a meeting across town. I zoned out, staring off into space,
not deliberately meditating, although the effect was similar. At the time I had
no formal training in meditation.
Suddenly, for no
reason, I had a drastic internal shift in perspective. I perceived myself as
being equally a part of, and connected to, everything in the universe (words
really aren't doing this justice, or even coming close). I realized that my self
existed, and everything in the universe existed, but that my self perception was
an illusion. For a moment I could see this with total clarity, and understood it
completely. I was not separate from anything.
Later I explained it to
a friend like this: Here's your soul. Your soul is inside a glass mason jar.
Everything inside the glass you consider to be YOU, and everything outside the
mason jar (trees, cows, galaxies, light, energy) is NOT YOU. Now imagine all
that, without the glass jar. There is no jar. (I think there was a similar
analogy used in The Matrix or some other SF movie, but still, this is the best I
can do.)
This only lasted a
fraction of a second. I started to form a thought about what that meant for
the concept of distance: that anything a billion miles away was really part of
my fingertip, and that unnerved me so deeply that I snapped back to my usual
frame of reference.
Then the thought
appeared in my mind: "That's what the Buddhists are getting at."
I've done some study of
Buddhism and practiced meditation since then, but nothing remotely like it has
occurred again. I doubt I could reproduce the experience deliberately, and I
haven't tried.
Did you have any sense
of altered space or time?
Yes Space, as
distance, wasn't there anymore.
Also, I think that
whatever that state was that I visited, I'm there all the time, even though my
consciousness is too limited to pick up on it.
Any associated
medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?
No
Was the kind of
experience difficult to express in words?
Yes I could not
hold onto the full scope of the experience for very long, and there are no words
to adequately describe it anyway. Our language, and I think maybe our physical
brains, are too limited.
At the time of this
experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
No
What was your level
of consciousness and alertness during the experience?
It was different and
hugely expanded.
Was
the experience dream like in any way?
No
Did you experience
a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Uncertain Both Yes
and No are correct.
What emotions did
you feel during the experience?
As soon as I realized
how profoundly different this perspective was, I was afraid.
Did you hear any
unusual sounds or noises?
No.
LOCATION
DESCRIPTION:
Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar
religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or
amazing creatures?
Yes It was as the
concept of Nirvana was described to me: a state without boundaries or
identity. Except I wasn't exactly free of identity... I was free of self
perception, which is different.
Did you see a
light?
No
Did you meet or see
any other beings?
No
Did you experiment
while out of the body or in another, altered state?
No
Did you observe or
hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be
verified later?
No
Did you notice how
your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?
No
Did you have a
sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes Our concept of
ourselves as discrete, self contained entities interacting with an outside world
is illusory. I can't retain real understanding of what that means, but I accept
it.
Did you reach a
boundary or limiting physical structure?
No The opposite
occurred: boundaries all disappeared.
Did you become
aware of future events?
No
Were you involved
in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?
Uncertain I never
exactly left it, although I went beyond it, in a sense.
Did you have any
psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did
not have prior to the experience?
No
Did you have any
changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
Yes It did affect
my ideas regarding what constitutes soul or identity. I had been interested in
Buddhism prior to this experience, but I had a vague fear that the goal of
Buddhism was to lose one's self entirely. This experience showed me both my
misunderstanding, and the limitations of language when used to describe
spiritual concepts.
How has the
experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career
choices? I
did do some research into Buddhism and have practiced meditation a bit. It
hasn't affected my life directly.
Has your life
changed specifically as a result of your experience?
No
Have you shared
this experience with others?
Yes Shared once
with a friend who is a student of Buddhism. He took me at face value and was
pretty positive about it.
What emotions did
you experience following your experience?
Fear, then excitement.
What was the best
and worst part of your experience?
The worst part is that
if it was a lesson, it was too advanced! I wasn't ready. I have had other
spiritual experiences that have changed my life, but they were simpler and more
accessible.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No
Did
the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively
describe your experience?
Uncertain Not really, but there aren't any words for it. "I was sitting
there minding my own business and then suddenly I was a part of everything,
everywhere" covers it, but at the same time is totally inadequate.
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.
None, thanks for giving me the opportunity to share.