Kim's Experience
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Experience description:
This was my first ever
job, I had been working as a receptionist in the payroll department of some
company that offered janitor services for a little less than 3 months - My
immediate superior was a lady whom nobody at the office liked very much. Prior
to getting fired from that job she had made my life a living hell; she was
constantly on my back, looking over my shoulder and criticizing and belittling
me, screaming and calling me names (stupid, lazy, incompetent, etc...)
One Friday when I had
worked overtime to finish a rush job, my superior and I were the last ones left
at the office and she asked me in a calm voice to come see her in her office
after I was done with my work - When I went into her office, she told me to
close the door behind me, which I did, after what I asked for permission to sit
and she said "No" - At which point she started to scream at me in a way that,
seriously I never thought it was possible for a person to scream so loud. He
face was red, her eyes looked like they were going to pop-out of her head and
spit was coming out of her mouth as she screamed at me every insults in the
book.
I was so scared, I
wanted to run away but I couldn't move, I wanted to cry but I could barely
breathe. I don't remember much of what she said except for words like "stupid,
lazy, incompetent" everything sounded blur and with like an echo. Then I'm not
sure exactly when it occurred but I realized at one point that I was witnessing
her screaming at me at the third person. It felt like I was watching her from
the ceiling above and at the complete other end of the room, the furthest away
from her possible. I don't recall seeing my physical self although I did feel a
presence at the spot where my physical self should have been standing at but
somehow I felt completely dissociated from that being; it didn't occur to me at
the time that it might have been me and it didn't strike me as odd either.
I don't know how long
it lasted. It felt to me like she screamed at me for several hours but, I don't
know, It probably lasted just a few minutes. I don't recall how it ended and
neither do I remember how I got back home. All that I remember after was being
back at home, crying in my father's arms.
Did you have a sense
of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
No
Did you have any
psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did
not have prior to the experience?
No
Any associated
medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?
No
Was the kind of
experience difficult to express in words?
No
At the time of this
experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
Uncertain Not life
threatening but was traumatizing
What was your level
of consciousness and alertness during the experience?
I'm not sure. I think
that my conscious self didn't want to be there hence why it felt like I
witnessed being fired at the third person. I don't think that I was alert since
I was unable to escape.
Was
the experience dream like in any way?
Kind of. It didn't feel
like it was really happening.
Did you experience
a separation of your consciousness from your body?
No
What emotions did
you feel during the experience?
I was scared of her but
not of experiencing the situation at the third person. The later didn't strike
me as odd at all; there was kind of a sense of security to it.
Did you hear any
unusual sounds or noises?
As stated earlier
everything sounded blur and there was like an echo. Most of what she
said/screamed was incomprehensible except for words like stupid, lazy,
incompetent that I heard loud and clear.
Did you notice how
your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?
Yes I was unable to
speak, scream or cry and I was unable to move. My vision seemed fine despite the
fact that I was seeing this scene from the ceiling and my sense of hearing was
definitely altered (blurry and Echo)
Did you have any
sense of altered space or time?
Yes I don't recall
how long I been screamed at, it felt like hours but it probably would have been
less than that and I don't remember how I got home.
Did you reach a
boundary or limiting physical structure?
Uncertain When
witnessing from the ceiling of the room, I was aware of the ceiling and while I
was unable to leave the room physically, there is no reason why my conscience or
non-physical self couldn't have escaped the room, but it did stay within the
room after all. I didn't get a sense that something would happen if I'd cross
that boundary, in fact it didn't occurred to me to try to cross it.
Did you become
aware of future events?
No
Were you involved
in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?
No
Did you have any
changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
No
How has the
experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career
choices?
Witnessing myself getting fired at the third person didn't change any beliefs,
attitude, relationships or career choice but getting fired sure did affect my
trust in people, especially in employment situation and have left me wondering
for a long time why I got fired. I have been fired from 2 other jobs after this
one (no out of body or unusual experience though) which led me to
self-questioning and to seek answers for what happened which, in turn led me to
a neuropsychologist many years later. Turns out that I have dyscalculia and some
kind of a mild visual processing problem which explains why I was making so many
careless mistakes leading to frequent firings.
Has your life
changed specifically as a result of your experience?
No
Have you shared
this experience with others?
Uncertain I did
tell a few people about getting fired but never about watching the whole scene
at the third person from the ceiling.
What emotions did
you experience following your experience?
sadness, anger, guilt,
shame, etc... but those emotions were not the result of watching scene at the
third person from the ceiling. They were the results of getting fired for
reasons that seemed unfair.
What was the best
and worst part of your experience?
The best part was the
sensation that what was happening wasn't really happening, the sensation of not
really being there - My boss was screaming at me, the person standing in the
middle of her office, yet it didn't feel like I was that person as I was
watching this from a different perspective.
Is
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
Just
an observation: I got fired from 3 jobs in my life and also unfortunately was
the victim of 2 armed robberies where my life has been directly threatened.
Interestingly, It took me a few weeks to a month to get over the armed robberies
and years to get over getting fired. I don't hate the men that stuck a gun to my
head but I still resent, despise with a passion my bosses and co-worked that
made fun of and fired me. These people, I don't think I'll ever be able to
forgive completely what they did to me.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No
Did
the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively
describe your experience?
Yes