Experience description:

St John of the Cross describes it in the Dark Night of the Soul.

My depression made me lose all desires for this life, I became detached from everything and in my despair, I had no will to live left. A giant void had swallowed me up.

I cried out for help from the depths of my being. I asked God for proof that he existed. I didn’t know what to believe, the world confused me. All I knew for sure was that I didn’t like it here and I wanted god to come get me.

I said I couldn’t live in a universe without him. He was my last hope, I hated my existence. I clung to the hope that there was something out there.

Each day I put one foot in front of another and clung to my hope. It went on for a year. I was in group therapy and later individual therapy for depression, my therapist didn’t know I had started calling on god. We went on with the therapy as usual - a therapy that wasn’t working. We were talking medication.

One night I was watching NDE accounts on my laptop. I didn’t know what to make of it. We’re they crazy? I hoped not. I hoped these people were sane. This was the only proof I could think of, so I was watching

Then I was hit with a torrent of bliss and unconditional love coming out of my chest. It threw me back for 30 seconds. .

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Uncertain  Extreme depression and I had private therapist at the time. No will to live but no suicidal thoughts. Dark limbo.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     I can name 10 types of love that people can feel on earth, god feels millions of types and hat went through me.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The whole time

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      Normal consciousness and alertness   No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   Same

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   Same

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Bliss  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   No  

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   He answered my question by going through me. 'Yes, I exist.'

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   God is a force and the force is love

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No  

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience  

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   It’s fading. I read NDE books to help bring it back.  

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   Study spirituality and find a spiritual path. I used to chase guys and only wanted a relationship.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   No  

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     I realized that god hears us, he loves us and each are like him (in consciousness and love). We are also very primitive (fallen) beings and only god is perfect.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  The next day. My sister told me I didn’t have an experience and my friend didn’t really listen.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   I watched some NDE videos. When this happened I didn’t connect it to NDEs - I never died and didn’t go through a tunnel. I wrote IANDS on FB and asked them what it was. Someone told me it was an STE. I started reading about it. It was confirmed to me in an account I read that, yes, I had an STE.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   Bewildered

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   It was a near-death-like experience. The part where NDEs experience bliss.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No  

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I am a spiritual practitioner now. I have over 300 books in my world Religions library and I started a FB group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/208080063152040/

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No  

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes