Experience description:

I had been suffering mentally for months due to the death of one of my closest friends, a woman left me who I loved more than any before her or since and I have suffered for a long time before that thinking about my near non existent relationship to my heroin addicted mother. A friend invited me to his house, I hadn't seen him in over a year and wanted to try to cheer myself up. He had ketamine and I was in a ' F*** it ' kind of mood. I had taken my fair share of speed and MDMA before, plus my sister took it all the time so what's the big deal? that was my perspective back then. I got given a big line with a width and length on par with my index finger, I snorted it half down one nostril, half down another. and felt a feeling of comfort, the first release of the internal suffering I'd endured in silent isolation for months. As my friend left the room, I pulled my feet up onto the bed I was sat on and sat cross legged. my back was up against the wall and my mind emptied. Then I felt myself float upward out of my body and In the space of about 5 seconds I floated into the ceiling and instead of entering the next room up I was enveloped in a totally pink... space. it was void like with no objects, people or anything. It was a pale pink akin to cherry blossoms. To back track a sec, my dad had told me that Tibetan monks had been reporting astral intrusions by ketamine users and this gave me the feeling of wrongful intrusion the instant I hit the ceiling, I felt truly sorry in myself although my feelings did feel more potent than usual as I am usually a very conscious and empathetic person That feeling of apologetic energy was familiar to me. I was Told by an unknown voice that 'I was not ready to be here.' I could feel this will. like a second instinct. Another life will was within me. slightly offset to my right. I felt so sorry. but in the second after the unknown's statement I felt this accepting energy, like it accepted my apology. I was sent speeding forwards and a golden lotus outline came towards me. Like a ring it swept past me. I heard a faint vroom as it passed and in equal spacing another followed behind it as if the distance between each was perfect. countless of them before me swept passed and as I went forwards a Black dot appeared at the centre of this 'Lotus Road' and as we I went forwards towards it this blackness spread slightly. After what felt like 2 minutes I was enveloped in total black but had a feeling of still moving forwards. The golden lotus rings had disappeared from sight. I did not look back or try to change the direction of my sight as I felt like I was being lead somewhere by something. after a minute of being in that black void where I felt nothing I saw a red spec appear just as the blackness had but this was different, it was pulsating slightly, the diameter of this spec, as it grew showed a clear 2 steps out 1 step in pattern until it encompassed most of my sight. I could see this red cloud or blob of energy but never entered it. I saw an image in the centre suddenly appear. It was an Image of my mum when she must have been young. maybe how she looked around the time of my birth. I have never had much photos of her and most of from later in life. I could see her as if she was right in front of me with her eyes shut. I could only see the top half of her body and she was wearing a white jumper and her Krishna beads. her face was pointing as if she was looking at the floor to my left although and her body was also facing that direction and her arms were out of view. I appeared from nowhere in the same manner. Eyes shut as if I was leaning back on her (I would date the age of me in the image as 6 or 7) then My first sister Lizzy appeared in front of me in the same manner I did with my mum, she was leaning on me but I could still see every ones faces. this pattern continued until I could see my mum with me, Lizzy, Louise and Gemma all leaning on the older one before them. Then I saw my mothers arms rise and she placed them over my younger self's shoulders and reached to Gemma to hug us all on the neck slightly at the same time. As I watched her hands meet Gemma I started to feel the upper arms I could see on this younger me on my shoulders and neck and in the bat of an eyelid I was back in my friends room. In the first 5 seconds I felt a Huge surge of profoundly positive energy unlike anything I had felt, Even the Euphoria of MDMA wasn't it's equal. after that my stomach was overwhelmed and I had to vomit. I spent 2 to 3 hours vomiting. Although the experience helped me and was indeed profoundly life changing. I swore I wouldn't do ketamine again as the whole experience was an Intrusion. Even an accepted Intrusion is an intrusion.