Experience description:

In May of 1974, my husband Dick and I went on a Marriage Encounter weekend.  It was a very uplifting experience and completely renewed our lives, our outlook on life and God’s plan for us.  To change ourselves and consequently to change the world.  Our vision and dreams where limitless, God’s spirit had surely been poured on us.

On Friday, May 31st, a week after our M.E. weekend, I had just finished meditating on our Lord and decided to take a nap before going to work.   It was around 1:30 p.m.  (I was exhausted at the time, it had been a very exhilarating week) I remember as if it happened today.  Before falling asleep, I asked why my Dad, Marcel was so desolate in the last few years of his life and why people looked so sad and lonely?   During this sleep, the answer came to me like a revelation, a light that told me that it’s because they are hurting, that my Dad Marcel didn’t have anyone who really understood him.  At the same instance that this revelation came to me, my deceased step-father’s spirit, Marcel  touched me with a great love that I had never experienced before, in the next instance my real father, Alfred who is also deceased, (I was 2 years old), touched me with the same spirit of great love.  The next instance, there came over me the most powerful and wonderful experience of God’s love, our Father in heaven.  His great love enveloped me, like a warm blanket of love.  The three Fathers in one embrace.  There is absolutely no words that can describe this experience.  My whole body was being carried by this love and I was lifted up above the couch, that I was lying on.  I vaguely remember thinking that our 2 daughters (Donna & Joanne) would be coming home from school, and knew that it was approximately 2:55 p.m.  I tried to get myself off the couch, to see the time but I couldn’t get my body up, it was like something or someone holding me down.  Then I saw my own funeral procession pass right in front of my eyes, with the children there at the entrance of St. Edmond Church with a black hearse.  This really scared me and I wanted to wake up but I couldn’t.  Someone inside me was telling me that the reason I did not love enough was because of my deep self-centeredness and if you release your hurt and turn to love you will be free.

I told myself that I had to get up and take care of my daughter Lisa, she was not yet 2 and she needed me.  This self-giving act freed me and I was released. 

When I awoke it was exactly 2:55 p.m. and Donna and Joanne arrived home.

I got off the couch to see if Lisa was awake but was very very dizzy and felt faint (I have always associated fainting with dying), I became very frightened at this time and called Dick at work, he said he would be right over.  In the meantime I thought I might not make it until he got home, so I wanted to speak to a priest (with the kind of training that I had as a child you can understand why I did this, I wanted to confess my sins and also to talk to someone I thought might understand) finally I reached a priest who had given a Marriage Encounter but I must have sounded a little incoherent on the phone, I explained to him that I had just experienced what it was like to die and resurrect and come back to life, he couldn’t understand and offered me very little consolation.

Right after hanging up my Uncle Fern came in and noticed that I was a little shaken up, he didn’t fully understand my experience but did relate an incident in his life when he thought he was dying and how afraid he had become.  This made me feel a little better and I was able to get back to reality somewhat, but every time I started to think about death I would start to shiver.  That same night before going to sleep (which at this time I was terrified of sleeping) I started to shiver and shake so much that it made Dick so nervous that he started to shake.  I really was convinced at this point that if I had wanted to I could have transcended myself into the next dimension.  I was so convinced of this that I told Dick to call our parish priest.  This was around midnight and there wasn’t anyone there who could come.  I picked up the phone book (which I can’t believe I did at this point), I knew I was dying, and I wanted Dick to have                 

with him.  Dick dialed my Uncle Maurice’s number, he is a priest and he came over.  Upon arriving at our home he looked over the situation and noticed that I had lost a lot of weight, which I told him was due to the fact that I was dieting and was on some type of diet pill prescribed by the doctor.  I had not taken the pill since our encounter weekend.  I explained to him that we had been on a Marriage Encounter weekend and my experience on Friday May 31st.  He analyzed the situation in this way:  I had been on an encounter weekend, which deals very much with emotions and that I was physically and emotionally exhausted what with dieting and the diet pills.  I was on some kind of trip (which he added that maybe someone had drugged me).  I knew that some of what he said was true, I had just finished Spring cleaning our home and also dieting, he made sense and I told him that I would be alright.  I fell asleep that night and the next two days Dick was home and it was comforting.

On Monday, my Mom came over and asked if I would like to go and spend the day with her, I said yes, I stopped at my Uncle Maurice’s rectory to thank him for coming over that Friday night, I shared with him that I felt like I had just been confirmed and he nodded and said that it was like a new awareness of the Holy Spirit.  I accepted this explanation because it made sense to me.  To confirm my Uncle’s statement that same afternoon I was napping on the couch at my Mom’s and I had the same experience happen with the acknowledgment that it was indeed the acting of the Holy Spirit in my heart.  During the experience I cried out to my Mom, who was next to me watching TV and again I had a hard time to get my body up, until I agreed that I would become a less self-centered person. 

I was never more aware of my self-centeredness as during that summer of my life.  It seemed that every time I started to think about dying I would sink into despair, I couldn’t make myself die to this kind of thinking but when I did I would feel such great joy well up in me that I knew that God wanted to help me grow in this area of my life.  I had ups and downs, highs and lows, low, low down to the deepest, lowest part of my soul, where I thought and believed that if I had gone any lower I would have died.  The lowest time in my life was one evening when Dick and I had just written our love letters to one another (this technique that Marriage Encounter had introduced in our lives) before I started to read Dick’s letter, I was in so much despair that I still don’t know to this day how I ever picked ups Dick’s letter and read it.  I was like dead inside, so dead that I didn’t think or believe that anything or anyone would make it come alive again.  Reading Dick’s letter I realized that he really loved me and needed me and it was at this low point in my life that I made the decision to live and to love.  I started to believe that I was loved for who I was.

A few weeks later I had another beautiful dream, Dick and I were sleeping and in the dream Dick and I were in our bed together and I experienced God’s great love for Dick and I. 

It was a very spiritual and sexual ecstasy together.   In the dream God revealing to me that He wanted to be first in my life and to put Dick second.  I didn’t wake up until I was convinced of this in my inner most self and gave God my total self and promised to put Him first in my life.

I knew why God had given me this special dream.  In the last few weeks I had started to think that maybe sex shouldn’t play that much of a big part of our lives, that intimacy was the sole reason for being alive but in this dream the Lord revealed to me that sex is a beautiful gift from God and is just as important and beautiful as intimacy, the two integrated together is being with God.

It was a very exhausting summer, trying to grow inward and keep up with our Marriage Encounter commitments, because at this point we were both gun oh on this movement.  After a few more experiences I asked our Lord to please stop because I couldn’t take it anymore. 

That summer of 1974, our family went to the beach for a week and I had a hard time  trying to cover up my real feelings and at this point I was sick of myself and wanted so much to get out of these feelings.  I knew deep down that the only way to let go and believe, really believe that God loved me and wouldn’t let me down and let me die.  I even went to the point of actually challenging God and I did let myself go to physically die and nothing happened, as if you can test God that way, I realized it was a dumb thing to do.  I asked God to forgive such foolishness.

During our stay at the beach we had our handwriting analyzed, which at this point I didn’t believe in it, thinking it was against the will of God but I didn’t want to be a party pooper.  The physic read my handwriting and told me that she saw that I was in deep conflict and that there was no reason for it because she saw much joy in my life.  She told me that she saw a lot of the color blue and my number was 7.  I didn’t take too much of this for real but she had come out with 2 good points, my inner life and my favorite color blue and later on I read somewhere that 7 is a very good number in you spiritual journey, meaning perfection.

That same afternoon I was walking on the boardwalk and pushing Lisa in her baby stroller, when an overwhelming presence of peace came all over my whole being.  It was Jesus footsteps.  He was following me in back, I did not turn around, I knew it was Him. That evening president Nixon resigned from his office, August 9, 1974.

I really wanted to follow God’s direction for my life and didn’t want anything or anyone to come in the way.  I prayed, meditated (which at that time, I didn’t know the word for this experience.  I read many books (one of which left a deep impact “My Other Self by Clarence Enzler) but I was still much afraid of leaving my family and dying. 

To make matters worse three people that I knew very well died that summer.  One of which left a young widow married two years.  We had spoken to this couple about M.E. (we spoke to many couples about our M.E. experiences) and they were scheduled to go in July.  He had a motorcycle accident and stayed alive for two weeks in a Boston hospital, he was like a vegetable and I never prayed so much in my life for someone, it was as if I was inside of him and knew exactly what he was going through in his struggle within.  I prayed to God to give him strength to let go and make the right decision, if he really loved his wife.  During those two weeks a physic name Romona stayed with his wife and helped both of them to communicate spiritually together (he was in a deep coma), this physic perceived conflict in the room and suggested that his father leave the room, after he left, the room was peaceful again.  After her husband passed on to the next life, (which I believe was a great  act of love on his part, to let go of his physical presence), Rita his wife came over our home one evening and she suggested that I speak to Romona.  In calling Romona I first asked if she believed in the Holy Spirit and she said yes that she was spirit filled, in speaking to her for just a few minutes, she told me that I had experienced a rebirth, that I had been born again, this was the first time that I remember hearing this expression.  She told me to stop hurting, that Jesus Christ had died for me, and all the sins and hurts died on the cross with Him.  She said that I was in the infant stage (alpha) and before going to sleep at night, she suggested that I sit straight in a chair and think positive thoughts and to repeat the words, peaceful, happy dreams and I would sleep well.  This really worked for me and I thank God for sending her to me at this time.

Many months went by and through the grace of God, Dick and I had the opportunity to buy a Christian bookshop.  A this time in my spiritual journey I was convinced that this is what God had been leading us to.  The former owner of the shop Jackie Godbout knew in her heart that we were the people to take over the book shop.  Her husband (retired from the Post Office, her second husband, had been passing out for no apparent reason physically but she was perceptive enough to realize that she had to choose between the shop (10 years of her life) or her husband.  In April of 1975, she had just returned from a vacation in Florida and fell in love with the place and before they left, not knowing why, they purchased a mobile home.  On their return home she heard rumors that there was a couple who wanted to start a Christian bookshop.  She got a little upset and was worried that two of us in the same town wouldn’t make it.  She decided to sell her shop and contacted all the people she knew that had been interested.  Nobody at that time could take it over.  She finally gave it all to God and told Him it was in His hands, she called my Uncle Ben to tell him that he could notify us that the book shop was for sale.  The next day, friends of ours gave us $1,000 deposit and we were in business.  You have to understand that Dick and I had no business sense whatsoever.  We had deep belief in God and in ourselves and deep faith.  Dick and I both worked for the same grocery store.  Dick a meat cutter, myself a cashier.  We were good with the public and knew in our heart that God was calling us.  God has been good to us, in the last three years we have moved the entire store two times, we have enlarged and added another floor for music and a meditation prayer room.  We put our trust in God and His people and He hasn’t let us down.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     I explained the whole experience to a few people.  No one told me that I was delusional.  All listened and didn't ask me any questions.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?      There is no time in the next realm.  I feel into a deep sleep at 2:55 pm  and woke up at the same time.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   More aware of all thoughts and feelings within me, in others around me.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   It was an unexpected experience and I wasn't prepared for the answers to my questions.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   The same.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   I saw my 2 daughters coming into the doorway while I was still in the trance.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   I felt many emotions, fear, turmoil and most of all tremendous love.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   No  

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I encountered my Dad, Marcel who had died in October of 1973, I encountered my biological father, Alfred who died during WWII, 1944. Lastly, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  All enveloping me with a tremendous love.  Ineffable love.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   Yes   The Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  All enveloping me with a tremendous love.  Ineffable love.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Yes  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
Mystical encounter.  Love enveloping all around me.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about myself or others
I understood that I have to let go of my ego, of my self-centeredness in order to give love.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life
I returned to reality after I confessed of my self-centeredness.

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   Both my father's had died, 1944 and 1973. Both surrounded me with their great love.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   The Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  Surrounding me with their great love.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   When I had the spiritual experience I didn't label it as a mystical experience because I had not known the true meaning of the word.

My experience was a total connection of ALL.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes   My experience told me that my purpose was to love all, to give love and to let go of my self-centeredness.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   My experience told me that my purpose was to love all, to give love and to let go of my self-centeredness.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   My experience told me that my purpose was to love all, to give love and to let go of my self-centeredness.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   My experience told me that my purpose was to love all, to give love and to let go of my self-centeredness.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   At the time before the experience, I was living according to the teachings of the Catholic Church.  I had to obey the rules. However, after the experience I realized that LOVE is the answer to all questions and that in order to LOVE, I had to get rid of my controlling attitude and self-centeredness.   Something that I am still working on since 46 years ago but I have learnt that I have to trust the process.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of th   I have never had such a total revelation of my life's journey as I did in the summer of 1974.  It was a transition that was very dark and yet illuminating.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I realize that LOVE IS ALL.

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   I did not believe in HELL.  GOD OUR FATHER is LOVE and LOVE does not punish.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   I have the gifts of prophecy, sensitivity and compassion, inner healing.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     After encountering the greatest of gifts which is LOVE, I have tried to make this my life mission, to share this great LOVE with all that I meet.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  I immediately told my uncle, who just 'happened' to visit after the experience. My husband shortly after and  my Mom.  My uncle the Priest.  Some just listened, they had no answer, my uncle shared his own experience, my uncle the priest was accepting of my experience but offered no testimony from the Church.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   The reality of the experience immediately 'hit me like a ton of bricks'

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   This experience has made me a better person.  I understand people better.  I judge less and love more.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   Yes

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   I do not force myself to go to church.  It is now my own personal choice.

Every morning for about 1 hour, I meditate and contemplate and read scripture.  I keep a journal.   Yes

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Same experienced with different people in my life.   I realize that I was searching for truth the weekend that my husband and I went to the Marriage Encounter.

The very first question that Friday evening was:  Why did I come here?  My answer was:  To better understand myself, so that I can better understand others'.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   Yes

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Some of the questions were repeated.  I had also given a good description of my experience at the beginning of the questionnaire.  Hopefully you have a good sense of my experience.   I just came to this website after listening to Anita Moorjani today. I have shared my experience before many years ago, but I never saw it published anywhere. Of course, the internet has changed, so that many people can access our stories.