I slipped into bed, careful not to awaken my sleeping husband. Within minutes I fell asleep. At some point I woke up freezing, with much pain and too weak to pull up the blankets. My left arm felt as if a horse had kicked it; the crushing pain and weakness overpowered me. I rolled into my husband for warmth. As I did so, I remember whirling off into the blackness, not knowing the destination. Then, I arrived at this place . . . an awful place.

     The depressing, lifeless scenery reminded me of my first glimpse of a Pakistani landscape when we drove from the airport to the hotel: dirt encrusted trees dangled black plastic garbage bags from their leafless branches. Desert sand appeared everywhere in Karachi, creating a beige, muted impression which caused me to squint when I went outside. Here, too, I squinted to adjust my eyes to the dimness. Where was I?

     Thick, gooey mud was all around me. Then, just as I thought there was no life, I saw people in the distance. "How strange," I thought, "they're not wearing any clothes." Only their backs, not their faces were visible, but I sensed hopelessness in their bent heads and heavy steps. They all walked in the same direction with no apparent destination. In their slow procession to nowhere, they reminded me of scenes from the Holocaust where Jewish prisoners were marched off to the gas chambers.

     Unexpectedly, one of the men in the back row turned his head to the side. It was my husband.

     "Mike?" I thought. "What are you doing here? What is this place?"

     At that moment I became aware of my "guides," the ones who were giving the tour. Although there was one on each side of me, I was not able to see their faces.

     Steering my attention away from Mike and without them saying a word, the guides directed me to look at the densest part of the spongy quagmire. As one of the guides pointed to the mud pool that lay in front of me, the second stooped to pull off a net that was laden with inches of gooey earth and soaked, decaying leaves. As he threw back the net, a cat sprang from the detritus with the power of a gushing geyser. It was as though the cat had been waiting to be released. It was so quick that I only glimpsed it as I heard its frenetic squeal when it raced past me. I marveled that the cat emerged from the slimy mire perfectly clean. How had it survived? How had the cat remained fresh and alive, untouched by the soulless environment? Somehow the cat was determined to live. It didn't belong there.

     The guide on my left interrupted my thoughts as he motioned me to look inside the hole. Without stepping forward, I stooped over to peer inside. How strange. There lay a once beautiful woman, bloated from having been there for so long. "At least ten years," I thought to myself. Why hadn't the body decayed? Then, I noticed that the woman was wearing a one-piece denim jumpsuit that zipped up the front. It looked like the same one I had worn in Switzerland when I lived there but had abandoned years earlier. The woman's hairstyle was similar to my own, too.

     I shuddered as the reality became clear to me.

     Then, I squeezed my eyes shut and put my hands over my ears in an attempt to stop my thoughts, sensing the guides could read them.

     "Noooooooooooooo!  No Mooooooooooore!" I screamed to myself while pushing back any acknowledgement that would make it real. The fight within me was useless. There was no choice but to acknowledge the horrible truth.

     I was in Hell. The woman was me.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes   Initially it was believed that I had had a heart attack.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?....Uncertain....I expressed what had happened.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?....Normal consciousness and alertness    From the time that I had arrived at an "awful place" and the time that I woke up I believed that I was experiencing full consciousness.....

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    I wear glasses everyday. During my experience I did not wear glasses, but was still able to see details.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    Interesting, I don't remember any sound at all.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?    No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?....Uncertainty, fear.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?....Uncertain....I went whirling off into the blackness.

Did you see an unearthly light?....No....

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?....I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin    There were two guides with me who were "showing" me the place.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?....Yes    I saw beings who had lived on earth, but could only identify my husband, who was still living.

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?....Yes....The scenery reminded me of Karachi, Pakistan. The dead woman reminded me of myself, and the clothing she wore was the same clothing I had worn while living in Switzerland.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?....Some unfamiliar and strange place....Please see my description of dream above for details.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?....No....

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?....No....Quite the opposite. I was confused. When I awakened, I was angry and sad. Sad that I had gone to Hell and angry that my devotion to God/Christ seemed to have been a mockery.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?....No....

Did you come to a border or point of no return?....No....I'm not sure.

Did scenes from the future come to you?....No....

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?....No....

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:....Large changes in my life....At the time of my nde I had hit rock-bottom. The experience taught me to heal myself. I took charge of my life and began the climb back to self-love.....

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?    Yes     The importance of self-love. I had to love myself first, and disallow my husband from taking my energy and destroying my self-esteem. I learned to hold myself in a higher regard; to love myself.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?....Uncertain     I have always been aware of my angels or guides, and have been "haunted" by many entities or versions of entities. I belief that these things happened for a reason, which was to teach me about balance and the metaphysical sciences, specifically Feng Shui, BaZi (Chinese Astrology), I-Ching.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes   Immediately after the nde I shared it with a man who helped me to analyze the experience. Now I have written about it in my book and have been receiving wonderful reviews.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?....No    

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:....Experience was definitely real    From my book, page 195, Chapter 71, last paragraph . . .

     Francis shared my belief that I'd had a pre-death experience. Over the phone he took me through the dream step by step. Yes, I went to Hell in the "dream", but it was my personal hell, not necessarily the hell of another soul. "Hell is the absence of Divine Light or Life," made beige from the dust storms and lack of rain. To me, Karachi symbolized a place without light or hope which invited darkness.

     The hopeless looking people from the dream were just that, people without hope. If we do not have hope, we do not have life, which is death. To be alive physically but just going through the motions of an existence without joy or hope is a form of hell.

     My husband was in my dream because without realizing it I had assumed a role for his spirituality, which  impacted my own. Anxious to receive his compassion, support, understanding, and respect, I made continuous attempts to explain my thoughts and efforts to him, which were consistently rebuked. As a result, I was left feeling angry, even bitter. The constant rejection put me in a dark place emotionally, which translated into the spiritual equivalent of Hell. The dream indicated that Mike needed to go his own way spiritually, and that it was not up to me to assume responsibility for his choices or direction.

     "One's spiritual growth is a personal journey," Francis admonished. "Now it is time to heal, and to direct your attention and energy to loving yourself."

     The jumpsuit I wore in Switzerland symbolized my experience with Simone and her voodoo dolls and the first time I encountered my worst fear: Evil in the form of a devil.

     In one way or another, arrogance challenges the God within. The day I denounced the existence of God in the laboratory in favor of intellectual self-importance I created a Light vacuum. In so doing, I invited the Light to leave, which created the void where Darkness entered.

     The cat was my Soul, and the cat was alive. The dream represented a death of my physical body and the resurgence of spirit. The message I received from the dream was that I needed to put the past behind me. Indeed, my body had died, but my soul was alive and vibrant. A new beginning awaited me. Yes, I had been through hell, but now it was time to get on with my life.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:....Experience was definitely real....

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?....Yes....

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?....Yes    As mentioned earlier, I've incorporated metaphysical practices into my belief system, sifting my life through balance to achieve greater frequency/access to the Divine.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?....No   

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Uncertain    The greatest lesson was the connection between Love, Balance and Divinity. Metaphysical principles provide tools to achieve balance (frequency), and therefore a clearer channel to the divine.