My mother told me also, that I had been telling her, that I had had a lot of trouble, to get her together with my father. Seemingly both had been eating in the same restaurant for years - my mother at noon and my father in the evening.

At three and a half years I was diagnosed a tumor. Following that I was treated with chemotherapy. This was a very strenuous time for me. My body was very tired due to the treatment and it felt like lead. When I had to do something, I always first reflected long time, about how I could execute the task in the shortest possible time, with the least amount of movements. So for example when mounting stairs I took always at least two steps at once. This way I needed indeed more strength to execute the movement, but instead of needing 8 movements for the whole stairs, I only needed 4.

Shortly after my cancer was diagnosed, Andreas died of a pulmonary embolism. At that time he was 33 years old. Andreas was an 'in-law' uncle and so was not directly related to me. I only saw him once or twice, but I found that he was nice and funny.

Not very long time after Andreas' death, one night I woke up for the first time on the flower meadow. I'm able to remember, how at first I was slightly disoriented, because I couldn't understand, why I wasn't in my bed. But then I saw Andreas, who out of the expanse of the sky walked towards me in his white 'Jesus dress'. And then I felt that Love was poured over me. He looked beautiful as usual, had his three-day beard as usual.  He came towards me and smiled at me. I was standing up to welcome him with a hug. We were walking a bit through the meadow. It was beautiful. Somewhere further back a sparkling little brook, was meandering through the grass. This brook was the border to heaven. On the opposite side of the meadow there was a forest.

Walking here was easy for me. Actually, here I was not the little girl I was on earth. But a woman about his age. I was intelligent, beautiful and healthy. But I especially liked the way I could communicate with Andreas: I just needed to think a thought and immediately he knew exactly what I meant. He understood every facet of this thought, even including my corresponding feelings. And the answer came back in each case without delay.  To lie or hide a thought would have been impossible.

Then we were sitting face to face in the grass and started to tell each other things or to discuss things over. I can remember that, in order to obtain an answer for a question, I just had to ask the question. After that I just had to follow the thread � I had access upon all answers. I remember darkly a difficult mathematical task. I not only could get the answer, but I also understood very well, how everything was connected and was calculated with. This amazed me.

On the other side, there were no simple answers, about what was/or should happen in the world. About these issues we could discuss. And I have the feeling to remember, how we discussed certain structures of Power in middle east.

After some time, he usually stood up and told me, that it was time to go back. Then  always followed this ritual of forgetting, that I usually accepted with sadness:

�Now you have to forget everything what we discussed here! Only when you come back here again, you are allowed to remember it.�

�Yes..but I don't want this.� (In that situation I was again completely the small child.)

�You are allowed to remember, that you have been here and that you talked to me!�

�Thank you!�

I didn't like to go back in my bed. At the flower meadow, everything was like I would have wanted it on earth. My body was light, I could communicate my thoughts without problems. Everything was simple and logic, you couldn't be mistaken and the Love was so big, that you wanted to feel it for ever and ever.

But I had to go back.

Upon the question, why I couldn't stay, he always repeated, that there was a plan and that I was important for this plan. Even though I actually already knew that.

(I still don't know, what THE PLAN is/or includes. Since Franciscus is pope, I'm even quite sure, that THE PLAN is in process. But what my contribution to it should be, remains still incomprehensible for me.)

Once again on the flower meadow I said, that I would love sooo much to stay in heaven, and asked, if there wouldn't possibly exist  a 'speedier process' for me? Andreas promised me, to let me eventually decide myself. Of course I knew that it was a trick; that he would only let me decide when it would be clear, that I wanted to remain on earth. But nevertheless it comforted me.

In the beginning those encounters happened quite often, but the older I got, the rarer they happened.

Following one meeting, I was about eight years old, I told my mother, that I met Andreas, and that unfortunately I was not allowed to stay in heaven, as I still had a task to fulfill. I realized that she was slightly shocked, but at the time I didn't understand why.

She suggested I should ask him next time, what my task consisted of. I explained to her, that I was not allowed to do that.

�Why are you not allowed to do it?� I also didn't know this, and so I decided to ask him this question nevertheless.

I was still about 8 years old, when I saw Andreas for the last time:

As usual I woke up on the flower meadow, with perfect light and total love. Following the ritual of forgetting, I asked Andreas, what was my task on earth. He looked at me very very sadly:

�You know that you shouldn't ask this question! Now we can never again meet here.�

I started to be desperate. I would never again be allowed to come to this beautiful place? Because of a stupid question, that I even didn't want to ask? That could not be! I decided to stay there. I just had to jump to the other side of the brook! I took a run up and jumped....

Of course I didn't succeed to get to the other side. I jumped against a kind of plasma or rubber wall. It was soft/flexible, was glowing in a golden orange color and hurled me back. Also Andreas hat tried to catch me.

I spent a long time wishing to be allowed again on the flower meadow. On the flower meadow where everything is so easy, where I know everything, where there is so much beauty, and where love is so much bigger, as on earth. I felt the whole life like a pure plague and harassment. Everything was so exhausting. Every movement was  stringy like an old chewing gum, and every thought was dirty and small.

Even the idea of explaining a single one of my thoughts to a real person, made me shiver! Firstly I wouldn't find the words, and if I finally had found them, the other would only understand, what he wanted to understand. Then those endless explanations, that this actually was meant totally differently.

Words of lead. Hidden in archives, that are organizing themselves constantly anew. Listeners in cardboard boxes, who  cannot discern the echo of their own voice from the voice of someone else. That's the world.

A futile struggle, as I anyway hardly had to say something important. And so I just kept silent for most of the time.

One night I then decided that things couldn't go on like this. I simply could not be on the flower meadow, and just wishing still being there, didn't make it any better. No, it even made everything worse.

After this decision I felt much better!
_____________________________________________________________

When I was 17, I was invited by a teacher, to join a group traveling to Africa. I had always been fascinated by Africa, I absolutely wanted to go. But my parents didn't want to let me go. Or at least not let me go alone.

�No, you cannot come along! At most my sister, Kathrin.�

�Why not?�

�It wouldn't be good for you!�

�No we cannot let both of you go alone to Africa!�

And so it happened, that the whole family went to Africa.

In Africa there was a bus, that we - 27 swiss and 8 Africans - had to board, in order to get to our vacation place. I knew exactly, what my place should be in the bus: the one directly behind the front passenger seat! I would have fought with claws and teeth to get this seat, but it was left to me � I couldn't understand it � without any objection. A short time after departure I felt a strange connection to the African sitting on the seat before me. I felt an unbelievable desire, to put my hand on his back. I had the feeling, that there was something wrong with his lung. And I had a certainty that if I would place my hand on it, it would get better. Surreptitiously I placed my hand  on the back rest of his seat. After a while I even dared to touch him. Everybody would think it would just be accidental. And he himself wouldn't even notice at all. Immediately I was pervaded by a feeling of absolute peace. Now could come, what was to come. Night came fast.

I looked up. Through the front windshield I saw a dark car rushing towards us. On our side of the street!

The wheels of the car were sprinkling sparks. Like a dolphin jumping out of the water I was lifted over the seat in front of me. In slow motion I experienced how the right side door of our car opened, in a perfect roll my body was floating precisely through the gap, left in the door for the wheels. Then I somersaulted three times, in complete harmony with time and the earth and in  complete quietness, on the pebbles of the border of the street. Next to me the trunks, that we had fixed on the roof of the car, were rolling silently. So in the end I found myself curled, somewhere in the total void. In total silence. In total darkness. I only felt my body.

�So that's it when you are dead.�

�Hmmm.. I still can think!�

�Will I also be able to move? Do I want that?

I remained as I was.

After a certain time in total void I came to the conclusion, that it was worth, at least to try to get up. Finally the void was not very inspiring. I tried to move. At that moment I heard a child's scream behind me. I got up and ran back to the car.

My God, what a mess!

Here somebody was hanging over the steering wheel, there somebody was pulled out of the car, here somebody was yelling, there somebody with a thousand glass fragments in his face from the windshield, in the car my whole family. What was I supposed to do? How could I help?

I was later told, that I had been asking umpteen times, what I should do � until somebody told me I should take care of the African, who had been sitting in front of me.

He was sitting on the street breathing heavily. I sat myself behind him, so that he could lean on me, like in a deck chair. They said, that he broke some ribs. I tried to stabilize him at best in this painless position. He was speaking french. Even though I didn't understand much French, we still managed to tell us some things. His name was Elage and he was a tailor.

Eventually I wondered, that I could � without getting tired in keeping this quite uncomfortable position � support an adult man for so long.

After an eternity he was loaded in a car. I went with him. Although I didn't know him nor the driver. The many potholes were very painful for him. When we finally arrived at the hospital, he was put on a stretcher and wheeled away.

I spent the night on a bench outside the surgery theater. My parents and my sisters had also been taken to this hospital. My little brother was in another hospital. In time it turned out, that my sister Kathrin and I had been the two only people walking away unharmed by the accident. My mother had broken both knees, my father broke his pelvis, my little brother suffered a heavy shock and the little sister broke both underarms.

Five of the seven people sitting in the oncoming car, died in the accident.

The next day, the three most hurt Swiss people were transported back to Switzerland by air rescue: My mother, my sister, as well as another tourist, with a dislocated hip. Afterwards, the remaining travelers were taken to the hotel. I wanted absolutely say good bye to Elage. But being alone I could not find him, and also nobody wanted to help me. So it stayed with the intention.

10 days later we traveled back to Switzerland. I had the strong intention to visit Elage in hospital on the way back. But it was simply impossible. I had no money, and nobody should drive even one more meter on African streets as strictly necessary. Also that time it remained with the intention.

We flew back to Switzerland. Back in our old life, that had changed considerably. My mother was now in Hospital. She had to undergo several operations, to be able to walk again someday. I was taking up her place. I had to send my little brother to school, my father discussed problems with me, that he normally would have discussed with mother.

Two weeks later I woke up in a white chalked-up African hospital room. Far up in the high room there were two small windows, through which dawn came and immersed the room in blue light. The whole room was vibrating with total love. Elage was welcoming me cordially. He was healthy!

I sat with him at the little table and had to laugh for a start. This, had been well managed by them! Out of this prison I could not flee for sure. The windows were too high up, and the doors locked. Then we were talking, as if we had not seen each other for centuries, we laughed and giggled, reflected about the world and solved all problems that exist and ever existed or ever will exist.

Then he got up.

�You now have to forget all matters that we discussed here. But you are allowed to memorize the encounter with me and about your feelings.�

�I know.�

Furthermore I have two tasks for you. Will you accept them?�

�Yes.�

�....and I want that you tell the tour guide, that the accident was not his fault.�

Then we hugged again lovingly. Oh, that love - indescribable.

�So and now I must go.�

He went (he became light), and I got back into normal sleep. When I woke it was already half past ten. The family was sitting together around the breakfast table.

�Good morning. I just talked to Elage. He died this morning about four o'clock.�

Giggles, whispering. I ate my egg and the Sunday croissant. I wasn't mad at them. If you haven't experienced it by yourself, you will not believe it.

At eleven o clock the telephone was ringing. My father came back out of the office with a white face and sat at the table again: �Elage died this morning around 4 o'clock in hospital due to a pulmonary embolism.� Our tour guide from Africa just called.

A few days later I remembered one of the tasks. I had to tell the tour guide, that the accident was not his fault? Only now I realized, what I brought onto myself.

With my 17 years it was completely unimaginable for me, that somebody may feel guilty for such a random accident. I was scared the tour guide would laugh at me, when giving him the message. �Maybe he will even be annoyed, as he might think I would think that the accident was his fault???�

Eventually I brought myself to do it and, quite embarrassed, facing my teacher I said: �You know...hmm... I have with... Elage. Do you still remember? He charged me to tell you, that the accident was not your fault.�

At 27 � I just met my present husband � I suddenly felt a stabbing pain in my underbelly. It could not be the appendix, as I already had sacrificed it. It had to be a tubal pregnancy! Andreas! If I had to get surgery I clearly felt, that I would be dying. Dying! Now! That I just met my husband!!! My future had finally arrived! The pain was so intense, that I almost fainted. I desperately started to talk to the child, and to explain, that it would kill both of us, if it continued to grow and that the best would be to leave my tube. About a half hour later the pain disappeared as suddenly as it came. After that I had menstrual cramps for several weeks.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     There are no words for many things. Emotions for instance can only be expressed in a limited way. For example with the help of pictures.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?            From beginning to end.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I always valued the experiences on the flower meadow / in the hospital room as more real, as this reality.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   You can imagine it approximately as follows: We normally get consciousness about the visible world only through our body and some more thoughts. This is information, that is transferred via our body towards our brain, and from our brain towards the body (plus some inner brain actions). In order not to overburden the brain, much incoming information has to be switched off.

The brain is needed by the spirit, to be able to steer the body. But tragically we also use it to think and make decisions.

On the flower meadow/ in the hospital room the consciousness is not restricted to the body and the visible world. Impressions need not to be processed. They simply are there - which is a really magnificent experience. But it is not impossible to experience this 'over' bodily consciousness also in the middle of life. It can be learned!
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   1985-89: Bad hearing. During the experience: I have no awareness of auditory impressions

1999: Normal hearing. During the experience: I have no awareness of auditory impressions
Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   1985 - 1989: Absolute, all-encompassing Love.

1989: Absolute, all-encompassing Love, at the end complete sadness. Helplessness

1999: Absolute, all-encompassing Love.   

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   The light was all-encompassing. Every living being was radiating His light.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   No


Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Yes   1985-1989: Andreas was an 'in-law' uncle, not akin to me. I have only one memory of him, from this earth time. At the time I was three years old and I loved this man at first sight.

1999: Elage was a stranger, with whom I spent some fateful hours. But he felt like a very nice old friend. I also felt for him a great love - though a controlled love, as it is here on earth..

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
1985-89: The flower meadow for me, was definitely not on earth. Though I meanwhile believe, that the earth could have been reached through the wood, like heaven was accessible via the bridge.

1999: For me the hospital room was clearly not of this world, even if it probably looked exactly the same in reality. It was clear for me, that I simply was placed in a 'prison', so that I wouldn't try again, to get into heaven too early.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about the universe
There were no questions without an answer, there.

The challenge was not to find the answer, but to find the question!!

Everything I wanted to know, came to me as knowledge.

Though I didn't get any knowledge, that was not transferred to me by Andreas/Elage, or that I personally wasn't interested in.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
1985-89: The flower meadow was limited on one side by the forest (direction Earth?) and on the other side by the brook (heaven).

I illicitly tried to cross the river. But I bounced off a kind of luminous rubber-/plasma 'wall'. My impression was that the whole 'heaven' was made of this plasma, and I could not get in, because my 'body' wasn't subtle enough, to get into the plasma.

Like a balloon filled with air, cannot dive into a lake.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was "sent back" against my will
1985-1989: At the end of every meeting I was sent back against my will.

1999: I was wise enough not wanting to stay there.

Did scenes from the future come to you?  Scenes from the world's future 
But I'm not allowed to remember them... :-(

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (�life after death�)?   Yes   I could meet deceased people, so those still must have been 'alive', furthermore I could exist without a body, what wouldn't be possible if life was restricted to the body.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life�s meaning or purpose?   Yes   We discussed each time the different aspects of life and their sense. I unfortunately was forced to forget the contents of the discussions.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life�s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   We discussed each time the different aspects of life and their sense. I unfortunately was forced to forget the contents of the discussions.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   Love is omnipresent and unalterable.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   1985-1989: I came to the realization that heaven is my real home, and the earth a vacation place, that unfortunately just lost interest in entertaining me nicely.

1999: As a little encouragement, I was allowed to sniff a small piece of heaven.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   1985: As I still was very small, I had no belief and so I was not prejudiced

1999: I already knew how it worked.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   1985-1989: Even though the experiences partly merged, there are individual parts (jumping the plasma wall, hugs etc.) that are still extremely vivid.

1999: The experience is still very present.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   As I was so little at my first experience, I had not yet much 'personality', the difference can not be determined.

But when I compare myself to people in my surroundings, I realize that they

- Fear death. For a long time I looked forward to it. Today I'm neutral.

- Have trouble to accept/evaluate psychic experiences.

- Unfortunately have a wrong understanding about many passages of the Bible, Sura  etc.

- Let themselves be led by petty emotions.

- Have difficulties making changes in themselves

Besides: For me God definitely exists � not in the form of an old man, but in the form of light - that is in everything and everybody.

My experience directly resulted in:   No changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Uncertain   A before/after is not possible. I grew up with the effect of those experiences, and for sure they strongly shaped me.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Uncertain   A before/after is not possible.

I can perceive 'spirits' of unborn children, partly precognition and also can 'collect' information consciously.

Furthermore I can sense, see or 'know' certain things.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     The omnipresent love was very important for me. I also missed it a long time on earth. (I still miss it, but I now can live well this way.)

When my mother told me that adult people could 'make love', I was very eager to grow fast into an adult, in order to finally get the love back. Following the first sexual intercourse (love???) I was totally disillusioned.

Meanwhile I have a fulfilling 'love life'. But an orgasm could rather be compared to an intoxication, as to the love, that I was looking for.

Elages' death was proof for my surroundings, that I wasn't nuts- that the experiences were real, the more this experience helped me coming out of my personal middle ages: for a time I had been suppressing and negating all spiritual experiences.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  I always told my experiences immediately.

They listened. Actually there were no reactions. If they happened, then it came as a kind of shock, because I would have preferred to stay there/ or that the experience apparently was real.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real    During the experience I was more alert as in normal life.

The experience was even more real as reality, for me

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real    During the experience I was more alert as in normal life.

The experience was even more real as reality, for me

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   cannot be determined.

But I think that the experiences by all means had an influence on my relationships, as they affected my whole personality.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   cannot be determined.

Even as a small child I reflected for hours upon life and God, and constructed my own religion.

Furthermore I have a relatively keen serenity in relation with religions.

However I have little understanding for a priest, insisting that a baptismal verse originates from the BIBLE. After all, the most important is the message...

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No   But one part of the experience could be verified.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes  

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?    It could provide a summary, how to deal with NDEs, present a summary of the 'knowing' techniques  in dealing with the extended world.

--How can I perceive spirits, how could this manifest itself, should I communicate or not, dangers, advantages, release spirits.

--Are there lessons that can be got from NDEs?

--Information about the possibility how to obtain the 'knowledge'.

Admittedly these things also bear a certain risk.. as we don't want to create a new religion.

In this respect it is great, that you just can read the 'raw data' here, and can get a first hand picture by yourself!