Experience description:

I am sharing this event I experienced at my father's unexpected death in May of 1995 (I apologize for listing the wrong date at the beginning of the survey).

I've often times tried to find similar experiences to mine online and have yet to find one. This is why I've decided to come to this sight hoping it is of interest.

I was 20 years old at the time, in the US Air Force stationed in Altus, OK. Early one Sunday morning my mother phoned me to tell me my 59 year old father had had a stroke and I should come home immediately if I could. Arriving home the following day, Keene, New Hampshire, I visited my father in the hospital. He was on life support. At his bedside I took his hand and let him know I came home for him. He squeezed my hand, briefly opened his eyes and his heart rate increased. He could do no more. For about 3 days he was in the ICU and each day he became less responsive until the doctors finally told us he was now clinically brain dead and it was up to us if we wanted to keep him on life support or remove him from it. It was just my mother, my younger sister who was 17 at the time and myself. My mother and I decided he should be taken off life support because that's what we believed his wishes to be. We sat in the waiting room while they removed his life support then told us we could visit his bedside. Upon entering I believe the doctors had said his heart had already stopped and he had passed. My mother and father had been separated for a few years but had been married for almost 40 years. My sister and I were very close to my father, as well as being young at the time of his passing, so found his death extremely difficult to bare. So the three of us sobbed uncontrollably at his bedside all hugging together. This was the worst moment of me and my sister's life, losing our father so unexpectedly. In the midst of our sobbing I had an experience that has altered the way I view death and has completely altered my life. In a cloud of overwhelming grief and tears, at the worst moment of my life, it happened. It was as if something swept through the room and an unbelievable weight or burden, almost like a gravity I never knew had been pressing down on me my entire existence was lifted away and I was nearly breathless. Every ounce of negative emotion: doubt, sadness, despair, hurt, anger was lifted off me. It was an overwhelming and indescribable feeling of peace, as if anything negative that ever existed or had been felt or experienced disappeared from me. It was almost like a weightlessness but the weight that had been holding me down was negativity (is the only word I can come up with but does not do the feeling justice) and only an absolute and pure peace remained. It was an all encompassing feeling of 'Everything is OK.' That sounds ridiculous but I have no words to describe it. I cannot tell you how long it lasted, perhaps only a moment, but it was like nothing I had ever experienced before or since.

A little over a year ago my mother took her own life. She had some health issues and her mind had clearly started to lapse. I'd been having a feeling that she probably did not have much time left. So one evening we were sitting together on my couch watching television. I asked her if I had ever told her the story of what happened to me at my father's death. She said I hadn't. So I shared it with her. And I told her not to be afraid of death because either my father, or God, or I know not what shared something amazing with me that day that wanted me to know do not be afraid of death, or life and that everything is ok and that when death comes it will be something beautiful and not something to be feared. I could see that me sharing this story gave her a peace about her oncoming death.

I shared this story with one person at the time, an ex girlfriend. From that point on I didn't tell another person for almost 20 years and I have no idea why. It's only been the past few years that I've started to really reflect on that experience and am realizing how powerful and important a message it was. When I do share the story now I always cry. It's as if I cannot help myself. Speaking of the deaths of all my family members never makes me cry and I've lost both parents and an elder sister. But sharing this story the tears always start to fall.

This sight may not be the appropriate place to share this event because it was not my death or near death experience and if it is not welcomed I apologize.

As I said earlier I have yet to come across a similar story and did not know where else to go with it. I'm hoping I can help others by sharing.

Thank you,

Eric B

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Uncertain  It was not my death, but what I experienced during my father's death.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     There are no words in an earth bound language for experiencing something you are not meant to experience while living in the existence of the physical.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?         When I was in the deepest and most profound hurt and despair I had ever experienced in my life. that was when it occurred.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   All the negative that existed in or around me disappeared so I was left only with an overwhelming peace. This absolutely hightened my awareness.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   My vision was unchanged I believe

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   Unchanged I believe but unsure

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Not so much that I felt something new, absolute peace is the best way to explain, it was what I no longer felt that was incredible. The overwhelming weigh or burden of existence, or the negative, taken away.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   No  

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Uncertain   My experience occurred just after my father death so whether or not it was his presence or God's I am uncertain or if one or the other was sharing information with me about after death.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   I experienced that we, the living, are burdened by so much more than we can possibly imagine until it has been taken away from you. This is what I experienced. I experienced or was shown or shared with me that upon death all hardship's, difficulties, worries, burdens, etc. are taken away and you should no longer fear or be afraid.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   Everything is ok. Sounds absolutely inadequate but these are the only words I have to describe it. Everything is ok and will be ok.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   My father was a staunch athiest and even as children shared these thoughts with me. I definitely leaned towards atheism also. What I experienced completely flew in the face of both our beliefs.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of th   It was profound and incomparable so yes I remember it more accurately than other events around the same time because of the emotion attached to it.  

My experience directly resulted in:   Moderate changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   Not immediately. I was young. Over time the experience has grown inside my as my values toward life and death have changed.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   No  

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     The entire experience. To know for certain that there is nothing to fear in life or death is something incredible and profound.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  Within weeks I shared on one occasion in a letter to an ex girlfriend. 20 years on, in the past 5 years, I've shared it with about 6 or 7 close friends and family.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Uncertain   It was too long ago to remember if I had specific knowledge of NDE.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   It was the realest thing I had ever experienced so there was no doubt.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   The most profound experience of my life and when someone close to me dies I always wonder if I could experience it again but I have not very unfortunately.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No  

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I certainly believe in some sort of life after death and I practice a very personal relationship with God, relatives and even beloved pets who have passed because of this.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No  

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   What amazes me, besides the actual incredible experience, is that my father was VERY atheist. He hated church, religions and often told jokes about God. For example he told me this as I child, " Son, want to hear a hymn? (singing voice) Hymn, Hymn, Fuck Him!" And this experience happened to us! I can see if it was some very religious people. Perhaps their belief system influenced reality in some way. But certainly not him and I.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes