Experience Description

I was fourteen years of age. I was a deeply unhappy youth, due to vicious bullying at school, the suicide of my father a few years prior, and gender identity issues which seemed insurmountable at that age. Suicide was very strongly on my mind. I had previously taken steps to end my life, but I had been interrupted before I could do so.

I was lying in bed late at night, feeling utterly miserable about myself and my life. My thoughts changed to humor about my situation, “Wow, your goose is truly cooked, kid. What a mess!”

I started to laugh heartily, which made me feel differently. For some reason it felt right to cross my arms over my shoulders in a position of repose, a bit like how Ancient Egyptians sometimes used to lay a Pharaoh to rest.

Suddenly, I was No longer in my body. I slipped out and was looking down at my body lying in my bed. The world faded to black, and out of this void appeared a colossal golden yellow disc, an oblate spheroid thicker in the middle and tapering roundly at the side, a bit like an egg yolk on a frying pan. The disc oriented towards me face-on. Orbiting this golden disc were about forty white orbs, vertically oriented, all in a line which encircled the disc.

(I didn’t know it at the time, but the disc and orbs form seem similar to descriptions of Ophanim angels in the Bible as a ring, or concentric rings, surrounded by eyes).

I was not afraid, I felt safe somehow. If I felt anything it was simply curiosity.

I zoomed in towards the disc and orbs form and as I got very close, I saw that it was itself constructed out of the same form at a smaller scale. The zooming continued in, and recursively each sub-level was made from the same form.

Then, the zooming slowed, paused, and reversed. I zoomed outward further and further in the reverse process, where each of the smaller forms, which zoomed away from me into the distance, was replaced by a colossal version of the same form, which it constituted. This was clearly some kind of fractal structure.

Then, it faded to black again briefly, like a long, slow eye blink, and the scene changed. It was the disc again, but now I was looking up at it, and its orientation was oblique, partially angled away from me. I zoomed into the disc again, and now instead of smaller versions of the same form, I saw a dark rectangular ‘sector’ on the disc, a bit like one might see on a CD-ROM looking under a microscope.

Something told me telepathically that this space was reserved for me. “One day, your essence, your spirit, your experiences, will find a home there. Nothing is ever be lost or destroyed. I promise you; all will work out fine in the end. There’s No need to worry. But, you have plenty of things to be getting on with. So, go, live your life well.”

I felt so much incredible love from this entity. The intensity of the love I felt from it is indescribable, and the bliss that I felt in myself beholding that was beyond ecstasy.

Suddenly, I was back in my body again, still with incredibly intense feelings of love, joy, and acceptance. I looked at my alarm clock with a shining LED display. No time seemed to have gone by. I lay there, trying to take in my experience for a moment. I happened to glance back and saw that time had advanced by half an hour or so. Amazed, I looked away, and then looked back, and ten minutes or so had passed. I started blinking and darting my eyes around, and every time I the clock display advanced several minutes. Slowly the rate of time observed began to slow. Only a few minutes passed. Soon, only every other blink or glance only advanced time by a minute.

I basked in the afterglow of this experience, bewildered but deeply appreciative.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 01/05/1997

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Other Suicidal Despair Suicidal despair, with a recent serious suicide attempt, though interrupted.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness .

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? All through the experience I felt entirely lucid.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning When I returned to my body, time seemed to be operating in a different manner, either time was very fast or I was very slow.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. .

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. .

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm A void containing a golden disc orbited by forty white orbs, possibly an Ophanim angel.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Incredible love from a numinous entity.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of No return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian I believe in God, and try to follow the teachings of Jesus, though I am presently more a 'Jesus-ist' than a Christian per se.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was raised agnostic or atheist. This kind of experience was utterly incomprehensible to me, and against everything I thought I knew or could imagine.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I felt significantly less distress in relation to life events, and less fear of death.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin A telepathic communication rather than a heard voice per se.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Clearly, a divine entity, or several are collecting our essences with great love and care.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes I was told that every life is recorded indelibly and permanently and that nothing is lost of us when we die.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Yes, I was told not to worry. In the end that life events and life and death will come and go but it's all part of gaining experience of how to grow as a soul, which is in the end all that really matters.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I largely buried this experience for years, because I could not express it, or describe it without sounding like a lunatic. I kept it to myself, and largely tried to put it out of my mind.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The forms and feelings I saw are somewhat ineffable and words cannot do them justice.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience My memories of the experience are still quite vivid.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I initially shared it with my mother shortly afterwards, then kept it to myself for over 20 years.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain Some particularly intense experiences with Ayahuasca and Iboga were 10% as intense as the magnitude of this experience.