Denise F's Experience
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Experience description:
I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. My experience occurred during
surgery. I remember being taken into the surgical suite. Being in the medical
profession for years, I was aware of what was going to occur as far as the
procedure and the anesthesia. I was awake and fully alert in the operating room
when first arriving. This is not usually done, but my surgeon was sweet enough
to do that for me. My daughter walked with me to the door. I had been doing a
lot of introspection, etc. prior to the procedure and was at peace with the
decision to undergo the surgery. My papers were all in order and my children and
I had met and discussed what would happen if I died. I felt I needed to make a
covenant with heavenly father before I was put under. My covenant was difficult
for me as I was a single mother for many years who had difficulty trusting men
and was used to always being in charge, problem solving and making everything
happen. I was the matriarch. I suddenly knew I had to turn my life over,
unconditionally, with no doubt or question, to a male higher power and for the
first time, trust someone else with my very existence. It was the most
frightening and humbling experience ever. The truest test of my faith. Like
jumping off of a cliff and trusting that the person on the other side would
truly catch you or even care about you. My covenant was that I trusted and had
faith. I said to heavenly father, I will either wake up and be fine, wake up
with disabilities, or die and be sure you will answer everything for me then! At
the moment of the anesthesiologist placing the needle in my IV to put me under,
I spoke to God and said-so be it, I am yours. I gave myself over to heavenly
father for the first time. I did not expect anything but to be put to sleep.
I suddenly woke up
inside my mind in the darkness. I knew I was myself, my spirit, in my body but
separate from my body. I looked around and said "I am in my brain in the dark,
but why am I here? Am I dead? Aren't I supposed to see something like a light or
a tunnel? Dead people or something? Shouldn't I be out of my body floating above
or something? I was confused, but no fear. I felt safe, peaceful, alert. I
suddenly looked up and saw the knife cutting into my brain and saw the tumor. I
said, that's right, they are taking the tumor out. But why am I seeing this? And
why in the dark? Next I looked ahead and suddenly saw the most beautiful,
gorgeous woman with magnificent red hair, a stunningly perfect body and perfect
skin with an incredible, engaging smile. She emitted a brilliant, soft light
around her and had a euphoric feeling of complete joy. I cannot find words or
language to describe her. I was amazed that I saw the red color of her hair, as
I was always concerned and aware that I never dreamed in color before, only
shades of gray and white. I was surprised that I was able to see such brilliant
and beautiful colors. I looked at her and did not immediately know who she was
until she moved closer. I suddenly realized she was my mother! I was shocked. I
remembered my mother when she died. I was age 12. She was 38,overweight and
looked nothing like this. She was physically perfect in every way and elated at
seeing me. Her happiness was beyond joy, impossible to put into words but a
feeling that I could experience beyond anything possible here. I looked at her
and knew she had something to tell me. She had not yet spoken, but her presence
was astonishing to me. I saw her suddenly turn her face to acknowledge someone
else who was there. When I looked, I saw feet in sandals, a flawless man in
white robes with a beautiful smile who was slightly off to the side and above
her. He had a sense of complete pureness and serenity about him. He gently
chuckled," of course I want you to talk to her" and waved his hand at her with a
pleasant, innocent gesture for her to approach me. He looked at me, but although
I was allowed to see him, he did not speak to me and I was only allowed to
vaguely see his face but saw the detail of the rest of his body. I suddenly was
aware it was Jesus and found myself feeling like a silly little child who was
upset because he wouldn't talk to me!!! How dare he leave me! Was I not good
enough for him to speak to me too? My mother then approached me. I wanted so
badly to run and hug her, but I was aware somehow that I was not allowed to
cross what seemed to be an invisible veil that separated them from me. It was
like standing on the deck at your house in the dark and looking through the
window where your family is in the lighted room. You can see them and speak to
them, but you are not allowed or able to open the door and walk through.
She began to speak to
me. It was an incredible experience, because I found myself instantly
understanding her and speaking with her, but realized that we were not speaking
English or any other language known to man. It was as if we had a form of
telecommunication more sophisticated and beautiful than that. I suddenly knew
that we would all understand each other differently, more deeply and clearly
than we do now with all our languages.
My mother began to tell
me where she was and how I had helped her to be there. She told me what she
would be doing and how she would be with me when it was time ,for all eternity.
I began to ask her silly questions, like "will you and dad be together when he
dies". She told me no, and I clearly witnessed and experienced a change in her
affect and emotions as she described what would happen to him and when he would
die. After that, she continued on to tell me several things about myself and my
children that she said she was given permission by Jesus to tell me. She
described each of my children and what conditions there lives were in and some
events that would occur. She described my character and how my character flaw of
impatience would affect my recovery. She told me I would need to endure and
develop patience as learn that things happened in "his time", not mine. She told
me I was blessed and would survive my tumor but would have slight disabilities,
especially with my eyes. She also told me she would be allowed to be there for
me while I recovered. She and I spoke about my illness, my future life and
problems, blessings my children would experience and what I needed to do to be
there for them. It was an incredible conversation full of information and
answers and I found myself thirsting for more and not ever wanting to leave her
presence. It was as if only a few moments and not enough time to be with her. It
was also as if I suddenly understood the "mysteries of life" that I did not
understand before and was given answers to many of my questions about life and
death. Then suddenly, she told me she needed to go. She had to return and I
needed to go back to my life as intended for me. I felt her hug me somehow with
her arms around me and suddenly woke up in recovery room with the surgeon
flashing a light in my eyes and doing a neurological check. I was upset because
I did not want to leave her and I had many other questions I wanted to ask her.
I have many other
details of my vision that I would love to share with a researcher, however, it
is so difficult to write and much easier to express. I hope this is helpful to
someone, somewhere. It has totally changed my life. I am still very very human
and very imperfect in every way. But this experience was the defining point in
my life as far as my faith is concerned and has changed how I approach each day
and all my relationships. It was definitely not a hallucination, a delusion or
drug induced experience in any way. I am humbled as to why I was blessed to
receive it and can never deny it.
Was
the kind of experience difficult to express in words?
Yes Parts of the experience were so experiential that words in current
language were not adequate to fully describe or express them
At
the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
Yes Undergoing brain tumor removal surgery
At
what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness
and alertness?
During the vision-the time I was speaking to my mother
How
did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience
compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?
Normal consciousness and alertness
During the vision-the time I was speaking to my mother
Did
your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect,
such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of
solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
Yes
Did
your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any
aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness,
etc.)?
Yes I realized that I could understand what my mother was saying
to me and what Jesus said to her instantaneously. I also realized it was not in
any language we speak on earth, but rather an instant sense of
telecommunication, reading each others thoughts in a glorious, beautiful way of
understanding each other that was totally different than how we communicate here
on earth. Very difficult to put into words, but very experiential rather than
linguistic. We instantly understood each other.
Did
you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience?
very happy, surprised, inquisitive and a little "miffed" at one
point.
Did
you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
No
Did
you see a light?
Yes light in the sense that my mother and Jesus were in the light and I was
in the dark. The way I describe it is if you are standing on a deck outside your
house in the dark and see the others inside the house with the lights on. I was
not allowed to cross over "into the house" but had to stay in the dark while we
talked. Like an invisible veil that prohibited me from going through.
Did
you meet or see any other beings?
Yes My dead mother and Jesus. My mother was given permission by Jesus to
speak to me, however, he did not speak to me, only her.
Did
you experience a review of past events in your life?
No I learned incredible things as my mother spoke to me and told me things
that would happen to me and my children and my father and herself. I also saw
that she had a perfect body and perfect skin. Immortality was obvious. Age was
not as we know it. She was young and beautiful, but still everything she always
was emotionally, spiritually while I knew her here on earth. I learned that a
lot of biblical principles were true.
Did
you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience
that could be verified later?
Yes
Did
you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
dimensions?
Yes It was as if I knew I had to be out of body but still my spirit in order
to experience it. Time was different. It was not as we know it now. It was also
a different sense of dimension.
Did
you have any sense of altered space or time?
Yes It suddenly made sense that time was a man made concept. It was a
different feeling had to put into words. I realized when I awoke that although I
felt I had only spoken to my mother for a few minutes, hours had actually passed
by.
Did
you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes many biblical principles suddenly and surprisingly became
verified and understandable to me
Did
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
Yes It was as if an invisible veil was between me and my mother and I simply
was not allowed to cross it
Did
you become aware of future events?
Yes
Some has come true and some is still to come.
Did
you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience
you did not have prior to the experience?
No
Have you shared this experience with others?
Yes I shared it immediately after I awoke in ICU. I told my children and my
bishop and wrote it down. My daughter remembered the surgeon coming out of the
recovery asking her to get my mother because I was talking to her and was not
supposed to be. He was concerned . My daughter explained my mother died when I
was 12 years old and she never knew her. My children were all surprised . My
bishop was surprised but said he felt it was a genuine vision not due to
anesthesia, etc. We have all been deeply affected by it in many ways.
Did
you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
No
How
did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it
happened:
Experience was definitely real It was magnificently clear. I was aware and
all of it made sense. No confusion or doubts. Like a child who suddenly received
all the answers and knowledge that made sense, was accurate and complete.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or
significant to you?
Yes.
I was shocked that I saw Jesus speaking to my mother. I felt silly, like a
child, that he would not speak to me and felt incredibly happy to speak with my
mother. I was amazed at what I heard and saw. It has changed my life, my
understanding of life and death and answered all my doubts and questions. I was
a doubting Thomas and now I suddenly saw all the answers and the Truth. It was
surprising and wonderful. I also am not sure "why me".
How
do you currently view the reality of your experience:
Experience was definitely real It was definitely, absolutely real. I have had
a few surgeries since, with no experience. Just a simple "your out" with
anesthesia and then wake up. Nothing like it.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
Yes
I am
at peace about why we live, what our purpose is, what the eternal plan of the
universe is. No more unsettledness. No more doubt or fears. Especially no more
fear of death. Hope for the future and a greater understanding of what is
happening now on the earth and in my personal life.
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
Yes
I am
a true believer and am very active in church. I am also humbled by my
experience.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No
Is
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
many
other details I will share if asked to later.
Did
the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?
Yes I have many more details though.