Craig W's Experience
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Experience description:
I awoke about 2 am 11/28/01 with extreme pain and pressure across the tops of my
shoulders. Thinking that I had just been sleeping in a weird position I took an
Excedrin type pain pill to see if that would take care of it. I laid back down
and slept lightly for maybe another 30-45 minutes. Then I had to sit up and
figure out what to do as the pain had now increased and included my chest and
went down my arm. I was having increasing difficulty breathing. I didn't want
to have to wake up my wife and interrupt her sleep. So I thought if I could
just take some deep breaths it would help me out, but it didn't. At this point
I was feeling totally helpless, as no matter what I did there was nothing I
could do to help myself. I finally woke my wife up and told her she needed to
take me to the emergency room. On the way to the emergency room all I could do
was cry as I was scared or should I say frightened because I just had to
surrender my life to God. Once we
got to the emergency room the admitting nurse got me admitted, although I was
certainly feeling a sense of urgency to get in to the doctor quickly she didn't
seem to have that same sense of urgency. It was as if I knew on some level I
needed to get in there as fast as possible. They got me admitted, drew some
blood, had just got an IV started when I passed out and my heart stopped. It took me
a little time to finally realize where I was and what was or had happened. The
attending nurse told me what had happened physically once they got me
stabilized. I was pretty much in shock as I never thought this would be an
experience I would have. The biggest thing was that I wasn't afraid of dying,
but more terrified of what the medical personnel were doing or wanted to do.
Dying was nothing to be afraid of. My big
remaining question is what is it that I am supposed to learn from this
experience. Further testing since that episode has shown no medical reason for
me to have had a heart attack. Angiogram showed clear as well as all of the
other cardiac tests. Any
associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the
experience: Uncertain Was the
experience difficult to express in words?
Yes
What was it about the
experience that makes it hard to communicate?
Well I certainly didn't experience anything like I have heard or seen from
others. The only thing I knew is that I had been gone when I became aware that
I was back. I was very emotional about things to do with relationships and
people. For the first time in my life, other than my immediate family spouse,
children, parents, and siblings I became aware that others really did care about
me as a person. It was a bit overwhelming. At the
time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
Yes
Describe:
Heart Attack What was
your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?
While I was gone. None Was the
experience dream like in any way?
No Did you
experience a separation of consciousness from your body?
No What
emotions did you feel during the experience?
While my heart was stopped. None Did you
have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
No response
Describe:
Love is paramount and death is only a change in a state of consciousness. The
physical body is just a house for our consciousness on earth. Did you
have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
Yes
Describe:
A realization that most people really do care about others. Especially I
realized that included me being cared about by others than my own close family
members. Has the
experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices etc.?
Career choices? I seem to
take more time to develop and nurture relationships than I have in the past.
Relationships are a higher priority for me. Have you
shared this experience with others?
Yes
Describe:
More or less supportive. I don't know that they could really understand it as
it isn't something that I could adequately describe with our limited language
capabilities. I really don't know if or how they were influenced. What
emotions did you experience following your experience?
Crying. I am a little unclear what the emotions were, experiencing the
realization of the amount of love others had for me made me cry. What was
the best and worst part of your experience?
Best - Feeling the love and concern others have for me. Worst -
All of the medical procedures. Has your
life changed specifically as a result of your experience?
Yes Following
the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or
substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No Did the
questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively
describe your experience?
No
Explain:
I really don't think there are adequate words available to describe the
experience. It's kind of like trying to tell a person who has never tasted
chocolate what it tastes like. It just can't be done, short of the person
actually tasting the chocolate.
The next thing I remember happening is becoming aware of my surroundings. I
really had no idea where I had been or where I was when I came back. I have
passed out before, but apparently never had my heart stop because of it. And on
every occasion before when I had passed out when they brought me to I had always
been dreaming and I wished that I could have stayed with the dream. This time
however was different. I had absolutely no recall of any dream or any memory of
anything happening while I was gone. I just realized I had been gone when I
came back and had a profound sense of how important relationships and love were.