After my 2nd little one was born postpartum kicked in and I was really grieving my abortion...

I know am okay with my past and have forgiven myself... and now feel that my 2 are the ones meant to be, I had to go through what I went through to become nonjudgmental.  Because as a young teen know it all, I was prolife...I am not either now, it is not my position...I was very judgmental, if you get pregnant you have it, that was that....black and white for me, no grey areas.  One mentally and sexually abusive first "love" and I found myself pregnant.  I feel that I was meant to go through this traumatic time to teach me compassion to people who find themselves in a situation that I have no right in judging.

I never ever forgave myself and saw myself going to hell.  I also wished that I had backbone to have it and give it up for adoption, but the truth is I was scared.

Fast forward to finding a wonderful husband who treasures me and 2 beautiful children later, I count my blessings EVERYDAY. 

But after my daughter was born, I hit rock bottom with the depression that I never dealt with.  I was always spiritual and new things happened for a reason.  I also always was praying....mostly conversations I had in my head to my angels.  And when I was at my lowest I was in between sleep  and wakefulness when I concentrated on a small pin point light....you know when your a kid and you play with light while blinking your eyes.  Well after pleading god to give me a sign everything was going to be ok....I was in a meditative "sleep" and the pinpoint got a little bigger, and little more bigger.  It was mesmerizing and I couldn't stop "looking" at it.  It reminds me of the good witch in the wizard of oz when she appears and it is a small bubble getting bigger.

The light was softly blinding, but beautiful.  I cannot put into words the peacefulness I felt and calm.  When the light was washing over me I was a little afraid.  But it let me know I was ok.  and I felt a veil like a cross between mist and light veil fabric come between me and a being.  I don't know if there was one or two, but I was talking to a specific being.  I was able to "talk" to this being about anything.  It was patient and loving, yet I was afraid of it...I asked it I was condemned and it said no...I can't remember the exact wording but it was instant and came through a feeling of communication.   It let me know that everything was going to be ok....that I was forgiven and all there is is love.  I was doubtful that this wasn't a hallucination and yet it was more real then anything I ever encountered.  I asked about religion and which was correct.  It said none and all.  What I got from it was the only thing that mattered was love.   Love is the key to the universe.  Sounds so corny, but the emotions were extreme.  So I asked about why I had to go through such a hard decision with the abortion, I feel like I got an answer but I don't remember it.    I had already been forgiven and needed to move on with my life.  I asked but how do I know, what do I do...it radiated back to me with love...."Faith" and because I never trust myself and the being realized this, before I could ask again...but how do I know this is real and I am talking to you.....a world of words, feeling, love and emotion poured over me as "Faith" was echoing over and over until I felt calm.  Now faith is my mantra....and I have gone to confession about the abortion, I have moved on and forgiven myself...I feel it is not fair to my children to be stuck in the past...or my husband.  Now, I cannot say I am prochoice, but I am not prolife either...I am pro love I just try not to judge people what they have been through.  I was let known that we can all jump back on the way to heaven no matter what you have done, through choice.  That you need to learn from your mistakes and of course do what you can to be the best you can.  We are here to help one another and love like god loves us.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     it is a spiritual awakening that unless it has happened to you, it is hard to believe.  There once was a time that I would of read me story and thought....crack pot

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When the light felt like it was going to burn my eyes, but it was so soft and beautiful....also when the being kept echoing faith over and over.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   you just felt so at peace...the kind of love and peace that life has never ever given to me before.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   things just seemed clear, in my head that is...when you are trying to figure things out in your head in everyday life, the more you think the more it can get muddled.  But in this state you didn't need to work things out, it was crystal clear.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   same as 8

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   felt like forever but in a second....time was not a reality

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   love, joy, patients, acceptance, relief, and a little scared  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   soft like a small pinpoint that grew larger and glowed intensely.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I felt like a veil was upon us and I wasn't allowed to see anything...just have a talk

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   Some unfamiliar and strange place

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about myself or others

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
I was veiled

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (�life after death�)?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I gotta say faith....I know it by faith

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life�s meaning or purpose?   Yes   We all have life lessons and we need to learn from them and move on, not to be stuck in the past.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life�s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   We all have life lessons and we need to learn from them and move on, not to be stuck in the past.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   Love is all we need....lol, Beatles too funny

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No   

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   That it's our job to work together and get along and accept each other, because God does.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I feel at peace with who I have always been.  I just need to love more and try not to get grumpy when people get annoying ....   lollllol

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience  
 
My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   I don't doubt

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Uncertain  

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     the light, the love and acceptance...the echoing of faith over and over

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  some people believe...my husband and my mom.  Others aren't sure and some don't.  Because I have a faith I have one friend who told me that she would still love me if I found religion...but she didn't want me pushing faith...I don't....and I don't like it when pple do that either, so I figure she is not a real friend or she would know that already.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   when my mom was little...4 or 5 she was more ill then her parents knew.  The dr. came to the house and gave her meds and let her sleep.  she remembers a tunnel (like cotton candy) and she would go fast and slow through it.   pple were dressed up in "olden" day clothes telling her it is not her time to go back.  They knew her but she didn't know them.  Everytime I doubt, her story always pulls me back to undoubting, because she and my husband are the ones i trust the most.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   once you have an experience like this one, you don't ever forget what it felt like

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   same

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No   I have always been compassionate and caring....almost too much where I really get too empathtic.  I do try and help pple as much as I can.  When I catch myself angry at pple while driving etc, I practice trying to let it go.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   more certain of God

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Yes   I have learned that your conscience that "talks" to you everyday is really part of you God and your angels talking.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   Everyones journey is unique,  and that we need to accept pple as they are.  We have no business interrupting another person experience in a negative manner.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes