Experience description:

I've spent the last few days in a very strange state and I would love some help unpacking exactly what I experienced. Some of what I've been going through is consistent with NDEs, other parts are not.

I'm sharing my story to maybe gain some perspective and understanding.

I was in Kona, HI at a place called the End of The World on Monday 7/5. It's a popular cliff diving spot, and I had some friends who wanted to possibly give it a shot. The waves were wild in some spots, but were calm enough to the point where one of my friends (strong swimmer) wanted to jump. I stepped down around 6 feet to a dry spot on the rocks below to try and help him if he needed it. 30 seconds later, my legs were hit by a wave and I was spooked enough to try and get back up. By the time I took a steps towards the spot where my friends were, I was fully engulfed by a 12 foot (or so) wave.

The force that hit me was extremely strong, stronger than everything I've ever felt. I believe I may have lost consciousness for a second or so as everything went black and quiet. I began to experience the 'life reel' and had strange snapshots of mostly seemingly inconsequential things from my life: A trip to Alaska, cafeteria memories from middle school, baseball with my friends, a fight with my dad, fishing with my brother, then meeting my wife. I then saw the light- but not in the sense I've seen it described elsewhere. It was a white, fist-sized orb to the right of me. It began to get bigger and I punched through it to find a (perfectly lined up) rock hand hold that I grabbed on to. The wave then attempted to pull me back out, and did a pretty good job of it. But, I somehow held on to that rock and was able to climb up to safety.

I felt an overwhelming sense of relief, but also significant fear and panic for what had almost just happened. 2 separate friends were watching as this happened and confirmed my order of events, before I told them mine. They were both shocked and confused that I was still standing. By the time I was out of wave, the swimmer friend had begun to run to the top to try and jump in and try and save me.

I also sustained significant cuts and bruises that are consistent with what I remember happening. Notably: cuts on my hands and arm from where I was hanging on, deep cuts on my feet from where they were knocked against the rocks and I tried to regain footing, and cuts on my legs from where rocks in the wave hit me,

The day of, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for being alive, a knowledge that if I hadn't followed (or in my case punched) the light that I would have died, and a feeling that something intervened in this incident.

The days following have been filled with confusion, questioning, and over 30 extremely vivid dreams. Mostly resulting in me wondering, what's next for me? Why am I here? Am I wasting time? Was I brought back, or offered a road back, for a purpose?

I have had very little knowledge of NDEs up until I started doing research a few days ago which ultimately landed me here. I was kind of astounded when I saw how consistent my experience was with others, but also confused by the inconsistensies. Most notably: unless I was 'dead' for a second or so, I don't believe that I was actually 'dead.' I do believe that the force of the wave would have been strong enough to knock me out, but I don't remember the impact of the wave reaching my head, and I haven't had any lingering concussion symptoms.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes  A 12 foot (or so) wave engulfed be while I was standing on a rock, knocked me into rocks walls, then tried to pull me out to the ocean. I may have lost consciousness. Because of the location, and activity in the water, I'm nearly certain I would have died had I continued to fall backwards.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No    

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?      Just before the wave hit me, then again upon 'waking up' inside the wave.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   During the 'awake' moments, I was fully aware of everything happening. I knew I was underwater, that I couldn't move because of the force of that water, and most importantly, that the light orb was my way to safety.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   The water looked random and sporadic before but when I was inside the wave, I understood the water and the rocks better, even when things were dark and my 'awake' vision started underwater.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I was able to hear the second waving coming in behind me, and knew when it was going to hit me. I generally don't have that level of audio awareness, especially with other waves around me.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   I heard a scream from one of my male friends (my name) / and a gasp from my female friend. Then it went quiet.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Panic, fear, acceptance, fear, determination, panic, relief, fear, acceptance. In that order.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   Uncertain   I punched a white orb to get to my handhold. The orb was getting bigger when I knew I had to punch through.

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   A white, glowing circle to the right of me.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?      

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   Yes   Mostly inconsequential childhood memories leading up to meeting my wife at age 21, which is when I punched through the orb.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
The wave couldn't have been on top of me for more than a second or so, but it like at least 30 seconds. The impact, the life reel, the orb, the punch, and the grab of the rock all felt like singular events.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Uncertain
Im not sure if I understand this question, but the orb itself felt like a boundary to the rock hand hold.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Uncertain   I knew the orb was not of this world, and felt that something or someone was trying to show me the path forward.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No   I knew that I hadn't found my answer yet.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   Yes, a fight with my dad when I was 16 or so. We have a great relationship and have so for most of our lives.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   My wife and I were just married in September and it felt like I would be breaking the commitment if I left.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No  

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I believe there is a 'God Force' but that the specifics and details are often misinterpreted by religion. That was one of my associated thoughts when I saw the light.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of th   The level of detail I remember from this relatively short experience is not comparable to any other 'moments' in my life.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I have an overwhelming sense that I have yet to discover what my true purpose is, and that I need to actively find it. Before, I felt that my purpose would find me.

My experience directly resulted in:   Slight changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   Before the experience, I was ready to go with the flow. Now I want to actively process and identify my values and beliefs.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Uncertain   I've always felt deeply in tune with the thoughts and feelings of others. I am unsure if this has waned, remained the same, or had  been strengthened.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     The orb was special, and the fact that my understanding of it was heightened by the memory of meeting my wife felt extremely significant.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  36 hours before a full detail explanation. One of my friends (the swimmer) was not, because he assumed something like this had happened. His wife was deeply impacted, especially by the butterfly effect of if the swimmer had jumped in after/before me.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Uncertain   I've read about going towards the light in books and seen it in movies/tv, but had never explored the subject until now.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   The vividness made me believe it was real. The physical cuts and bruises validated that belief. The conversations with my two friends who witnessed the incident strengthened my belief.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   Still days after, but again, extremely vivid details about every aspect.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   Time will tell I believe.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   My religious beliefs haven't changed, my belief in the spiritual world have been strengthened.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No  

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   I think this has covered off on my thoughts for now.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes   This helped me break down each individual aspect.