Over the next days and weeks, a short improvement was noted, only to be followed with big set backs. I couldn't remember more and more each day.

I would speak sentences backwards and couldn't understand humor.  This affected my speech, eye movement, jaw, and my neck always hurt.  Memory would continue to diminish and I didnt see it, but the people around me did. One day my turning point was that I was standing in the driveway with my daughter and had car kes in my hand and remember feeling fear becuase I didnt know if we were coming home or leaving or where we were going.  I asked her and she looked concerned.  

The amnesia would be a problem for more than 2 years and to this day, I know that the only way I survived that was because I had a higher sensitivity and could 'know' things.  Deja Vu was daily and I would see things (what I refer to as) behind the veil.  I could see the colors. I didn't tell anyone. In the beginning, I thought it was that my mind was gone, but before I could hold that thought, they made me 'know' they were there to help me. I dreamed of a silver cord for months and one day, the cord broke and I woke up crying harder than I ever have in my life. My dreams always have visitors, yet I never see them.

I came to 'know' a bigger picture of things that before I would not have seen. Like living with a parascope, I now can see above the things that once hung me up. Things that still hang a lot of people up.

I am unable to see things in the minds eye as a result of the loss of CSF, but it was replaced with an ability to feel the vibrational speed of things around me.  In the last 2 years, I came to realize that depending on the blurryness of the picture in my minds eye, will determine the health of the person I am viewing. I feel fairly confident that what I am actually 'seeing' is the cardiac energy output because when a person I knew was taking three different medications for high blood pressure, he was not viewable at all.  Like a walking dead (that scared me). I now know that gift can assist them and me.

I had a Reiki session done a few months ago and was very comforted to once again be with the very angelic beings that had comforted me before (a recognition, though I had no visual memory of them)

I went through a period of time of anger. Extreme anger at being frustrated. But in my prayer for death, it was like a hole sucked the anger out and was replaced with an incredible sense of feeling what others feel.  This hurt me like nothing else. The person who holds your greatest amount of anger towards, is the person who you feel the most pain for. People, all of us, are the same, and we are all trying to do the same thing, in the end. No one sets out to be bad or be selfish; they do not know. But I know that if anything can fit into a pocket, you cannot take it with you. In this isolation of my dreams, I seen who truly loved me and who did not, and who I loved and did not. Actually, to express it more clearly, I seen the love only, and because some people and things were not there, I knew it was because only the TRUE was there. If it is not true, it is not real; period. Truth is that love. That is a sad reality to know that in this solo journey, blood lines mean nothing. Love is love, and it is boundless and endless.  I cannot make myself love anyone anymore than they can, but I can set my intention, and be willing, and that's all I can do. 

I never carry grudges anymore.  I am always forced (kind of I guess) to see things from the other persons view point and it doesnt allow me to waste time on trivial things.  People spend an enormous amount of precious time living like they have forever to waste and I never miss an opportunity to tell them what a gift their life is. Not what it could be, what it IS. I have not been sick ever since that day 5 years ago, not even a cold.

I continue to have difficulty with things and might always, I'm not sure, but the replacements are what I depend on.  I may forget what I went to the store for, but they will help me to remember vital things that I need. I have left my aviation career and am now a Massage Therapist.   

I feel that whatever was taken from me in the physical body was replaced with an understanding that we really have no clue as to our own true intentions and we need constant guidance to be effective receptors.

Life is lessons, not mistakes and we are wise to accept those lessons and grow so we can move forward.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No      

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes    

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     massive blood loss and loss of CSF

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           During this, I was (I think) fully conscious

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   at that time, no, but in the coming months of recovery, yes

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No      
not that I'm aware of

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            at that time, I felt like I was leaving me. I know my veins collapsed and my BP went below 40/20, but I was (I think) fully there, hearing everything, but I know that what my body went through, I should be dead or far more challenged

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           no

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    Yes            but I did not remember them at the time, only until later in later dreams and a Reiki session did I see them and think HEY, I remember them! It is a comfort to me.  We are never alone, and they bring the knowledge that they are sent by God, and I am as I am meant to be, not anything less

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     the ER staff was discussing that I am bleeding out and I wondered why they were discussing my impending death while I'm wide awake

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Yes     No speech, no smell, everything was higher sensory, a 'knowing'

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     linear time was a problem for months       I would scare people by telling them things that hadnt happened yet    I didnt know

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes    

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             No      

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes     I lost friends because they couldnt understand I was not a witch

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Uncertain      Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     I can feel and see people in a way that helps me know

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes    

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       I lost my marriage and friendships   I lost most everyone I ever had

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes     re-careered

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     few, very few.   I met only two others and told them.  One helps me understand and one thought he was abnormal after his own events of visions & dreams, so I'm sure thats why he doesnt speak to me now that he knows

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  everything humanly imaginable

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      I lost everything I ever had and came to realize I got more that I ever deserved. I wouldnt change it for anything because I got the lesson

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        It can be a curse or a gift.  The difference is only how you choose to perceive it, and I have physical challenges, so I know what I'm talking about

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               No