Experience description:

I simply remember the brightest white light ( my closest description of it is when sun hits fresh untouched snow and it has that sparkle to it )  the incredibly wonderful peaceful, loving feeling I felt and then being very agitated at the fact that I had to 'come here'. I desperately did not want to but for whatever reason I was put here. It is indescribable how mad I remember being that I had to come back.

When I was only a few years old my brother walked in when I was taking a bath and said I was laying underwater with my eyes open. He had to call my mom in to come and lift me out of the water. I was not thinking I was trying to commit suicide, although I kind of was because I just wanted to go back. I did not realize at that age that suicide was 'bad'. A few more times in the next year or two I did the same thing. Once we lived in Edmonton and it was bitterly cold. I found a playground pipe and crawled in it. I just sat there and was starting to get extremely tired but then my brother found me and got me out.

To this day I am pissed that I have to be here. I cannot shake the wonderful feeling before I came here and I just want to feel that again. No human emotion even comes close to how great it was. I look forward to going back to that but I know I cannot commit suicide or I will have to come back again! I do have a 12 year old son and am enjoying life but have been suffering from severe depression my entire life. The depression has taken me close to suicide at one point but I believe my grandmother came to me the day I decided to do something about it. I had been so depressed after she passed away I could not get out of bed for a month, I just slept. I finally decided to kill myself and actually felt relieved, so I started to read and when I looked up from my book she was standing at the end of my bed. Her mouth did not move but in my mind I heard her say 'Go get a bible'. Just those 4 words. So I went to a church not far from my house and got a bible.I met nice people and began to feel better. I still have the bible.

This may sound crazy, but unless it really is all made up in my head ( I assure you I know the difference) then this all did happen to me.  Because I have depression does not mean that I cannot tell fact from fiction. People often stereotype mental disorders yet many famous people have had the disorder and achieved greatness.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?      No     

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          No     

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No     

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?    It was a memory that I remember greatly to this day.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  The white light and wonderful euphoric feeling was slightly dream like

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   Yes    I did not see a body only light

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Euphoria ecstasy the best feeling imaginable

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?         No

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?         No     

Did you see a light?        Yes    The most brilliant beautiful white light

Did you meet or see any other beings?         Uncertain     I do not really recall seeing anybody/thing except the light but I could feel peace around me like my family was surrounding  me

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?         No     

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No     

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Uncertain     I was not touching anything I was floating I saw the light I felt the beautiful feeling of love

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No     

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         Yes    I don't remember now.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?           No     

Did you become aware of future events?      No     

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?          Yes    I was against coming back here to my body with every ounce of being I had. I remember being so angry

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?      Uncertain    

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?     Uncertain     I have always known we do not die we go on as energy light and then to what I don't know

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?   It has caused severe depression I have never wanted to be here

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes    I have always had a small amount if psychic ability in some areas and have lived in a place I believe was 'haunted' when I was young. I saw and heard ghosts

Have you shared this experience with others?       Yes          Surprised, amazed, possibly not really believing me I am uncertain

What emotions did you experience following your experience? Anger, acceptance, longing

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          Worst- knowing what I am missing out on