Experience description:

To explain my first memory is to tap into something the human mind cannot grasp in it's current vessel. Yet the memory of it has been burned into my mind even from the first day of being conscious of life as a child. To even pass it off as a dream of an imaginative child would be denial of myself. For my dreams are as random and fleeting as the morning dew. Yet this fragment I've held onto all my life is as vivid as it was experienced and has never waned from my memories.

For the sake of research, this memory occurred at an early age of three and more accurately the very first day I became aware of life and myself.

In the beginning, there was no awareness in this memory. Literally nothing. No thoughts, no time, no self, no existence. Suddenly consciousness began in darkness. The transition between the two shakes me to my very core. Terrifying as it is amazing. I know nothing in existence, in this life or the next, that would be true death as going back to non-existence. A place I hope to never again return to.

The darkness itself, I was aware of but myself I was not. It seemed as though nothing more than a transitional stage if anything. Nothing worth noting in this particular place or void as others may describe as.

The next scene in my memory takes place in a blue sky. Again there's nothing overly significant about it. There are some clouds and light in the foreground. Other than that, nothing worth noting.

The last part of the memory is far more interesting than the last two.

The scene shows what seems to be some elaborately decorated room which I would as close to describe it as a pub or dive. There are at least two levels to this place which are just a few feet in height in separation. The floor has a green carpet like a casino rug and there are a small set of steps between the two levels. There are railings made of fine wood which also adorn the walls. I can only see the right of the room from where the scene begins. On the right of the room are two booths, covered in a ornate red leather for the seats. The roof slightly dips just above them in a rectangular design. I can also see the windows as finely ornate as the rest of the room. Some black paneling forming a rectangle and foggy like window panes.

Then the scene moves towards the booth in the back as I see at least three dark shadow figures, two on the left and one on the right. While I can't see what they are, I felt like they were people chatting and enjoying themselves. They seemed to be discussing a story of some sort. One figure near the window then points out the window, at which the scene begins turn and focus on the other side of the window.

I then realized what I am looking at is my first home as a child at night. It's not just any view though. It's a view of the house from above the roof as though as the scene was shot from the air. I can see all the details of not only the house but things around the house: The street, part of the next door neighbors house, my parents car, the porch, and even the neighborhood just behind it.  

And then I woke up, conscious of life for the first time as a child. I remember get up from my race car bed, walking on my brown shag carpet to the living room and turning on the TV to watch cartoons.  

After that, I would recall time and again throughout my life about this memory. I never really talked about with anyone because I felt incapable of describing to anyone with any coherence nor the likely hood of it being passed as nonsense. Since the internet was invented I've occasionally looked to see if anyone had even remotely similar experiences, mostly searching it as the concept of non-existence. But I've never found anything close to a satisfying answer until reading about NDE just recently in October 2018 due to suffering from injuries and illness. Nothing serious mind you.

The thing that caught my attention was the information about what is coined as the void. A lot of experiences seem to describe it almost like my experience, as some kind of transitory position. I only just discovered pre-birth memories a few days ago on January 2019, so I decided to make a contribution before reading more to avoid some bias.

This experience has influenced my life greatly and has lead me to contemplated our place in existence.

I do believe in God. We were called from nothingness into existence by His will.

I don't believe people are suppose to remember what I remember for good reason. It takes a strong mind and spirit to take such an experience as part of themselves without going insane. And even more so to use it as a stepping stone towards wisdom.

It also brings me some sort of peace, knowing life is not just happenstance of chemicals and biology popping up on a flying rock hurling through space around a star in the ass middle of nowhere of an ever expanding universe.

There's also one more thing.

I've always felt that there's some sort of purpose or reason why I am here. I somehow feel that the "pub" in my memory is some sort of place I'm suppose to find or some place that exist on the Earth somewhere. Though only time will tell if this place even exist. There must be plenty of pubs that look like what I'm describing. Though I doubt a child would be visiting many of those as a baby. Neither have I ever been in a place even close to that.

However as far as the feeling of purpose, there was something revealed to me in my early twenties that are family has connection to, which I cannot describe here for legal reason.

So maybe there's more to our human spirit than we give credit for.

Thank God you're here though, I know what you came from and you DO NOT want to feel what that was.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No     

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          No     

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No     

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?      Aware of the occurrence but not of myself during it.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  Not in anyway. My dreams are random and I am unable to retain any memory of them. What I do dream is mostly due to environment. My experience has no basis on consciousness.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?  No     

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          There were none. It was more factual, if anything.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?         No.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?   No     

Did you see a light?        Yes    It was just a light. If it was God, I must have not remembered.

Did you meet or see any other beings?         Yes    I saw shadow figures in the pub and knew they were people. But they did not interact with me. I was more of observer on my part.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?         No     

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         No         

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? No      Did you have any sense of altered space or time?     No     

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         Yes    I have knowledge that cannot be describe between non-existence and existence.