Experience description:

1) This was not an NDE. However it was a profound experience which shares some of the hallmarks of the spiritual awareness provided by an NDE, hence why I am sharing it here.

2) I will omit specifics primarily for the sake of simplifying the message I wish to share.

PRIOR: I had recently recovered from a very abusive situation in my life which spanned some 8-10 years. My upbringing was very troubled. There was a time where I lost the ability to speak due to the abuse I knew. I tell this to few people in my real life as they cannot possibly comprehend the abuse I knew. It was so phenomenal I had to learn how to paint in order to say what was to painful to even utter.

IMMEDIATELY PRIOR: I was more or less at a point of exhaustion beyond what I have ever known. Physically and mentally depleted. I could barely stay awake most days and I worried that I would soon succumb to a type of chronic fatigue.

THE EXPERIENCE: For a long time I had been very consumed by a type of anxiety for those people who I left behind in the church that I was born into. They were not bad people. However due to many corruptions within their history, the membership are more or less helpless to help themselves. I was pondering upon the fact that I should probably do something. As I was able to break free of the mindset and system that they likely never would be able to. Most members become extremely suicidal and have severe psychological trauma when they try to leave or confront what is taught by the church.

I prayed about helping these people. And then I fell into a very deep sleep. I saw myself helping them. It was very vivid. The dream had been so vivid that I was barely able to stand when I woke up. After falling over several times I was then able to walk to my desk where I started to write down what I saw. As I was writing... an incredible spiritual force took over my body and I watched, whilst quite literally paralyzed, my own hand write out a message, where I was told that the people from the church had prayed for help and that I would give them that help. (The message even addressed me as 'you'. I have never once in my life written anything to myself like that. I would simply say 'I will do X Y Z, and this is how I will do it'. I never even considered the possibility of writing as though I were an identity outside myself. So I know this message did not originate from a construed part of my mind, subconscious or otherwise.)

I then regained control of my body and wept.

It felt like my flesh itself was crying. Because there had been an overlap between the divine and my waking, conscious life. This was not like an NDE or a Vision, etc, where there is some separation of consciousness. This was a waking experience. Like witnessing some sort of miracle. In fact, I suppose it was a miracle, in hindsight.

Now this is a minor detail, I suppose.

Since the most incredible thing is a lingering side effect that I have had since.

Following the experience I noticed that I felt as though the center of each of my palms was slightly numb. I knew this was a reference to Christ but I sort of ignored it. I was too amazed by all I had experienced to really process anything. I just knew what it meant and that was enough for now.

A good way to think of how I felt, is to consider how it feels when it is your birthday or Christmas, where you receive many wonderful gifts on the same day. There is a sensation of being overwhelmed. You know what you have received, however you have not had time to fully process it yet as it is all so incredible, more than you can take in one sitting.

That is exactly how I felt.

After a few days I began to be able to feel the nail prints properly. I was surprised that they had not left. I thought it would be a temporary thing. I began to inspect the 'wounds'. When I say inspect, I mean that I am able to feel the 'wounds' and I am able to trace the outline of the 'wounds'. It feels like a very faint sting when I do. Which then immediately feels healed in the same moment, somehow. As I write this, I have a cut on my finger from a knife - and it hurts quite a bit. But the 'wounds' in my hands do not hurt.. yet they also feel like cuts.

Anyway, I made a peculiar discovery. I found that I had assumed that the wounds were circular, since that is where I felt them. But as I traced the 'wounds', I found that in reality they extended to form a sort of T shape on my palm. Where the center of my palm was clearly a focus point, however there was also a numb feeling which extended across my palm vertically but also across the top of my palm, just a centimeter below where the fingers connect.

This shocked me to be truthful. And then I began to think how this sort of wound could occur. And I found myself considering that Christ must have been crucified by nails which had a large head. Where the head of the nail had pressed into the top of the palm, causing the topmost line. And the vertical print would have been caused by the core of the nail impaling the center of the palm but also bruising the palm where it would have pressed into the hand due to gravity.

I then began looking at various spiritual materials. And I found myself guided to a certain book describing what sounded like someone very similar to Christ. And in the book it describes that this man had T shaped prints on his hands. And that there is a part of the world that has many pieces of pottery that shows this specific T shape on an open palm.

I then became aware that the T shape was also by design as it is the last letter of the alphabet. I feel that the print was deliberate as a way to mock Christ. That he was the Eternal God, yet he was now 'over' (Tau = the end). I do not find it far fetched that there may have been this level of nuance possible in an execution. There are entire manuals dedicated to exact methods of hanging, perhaps this extended also to crucifixion.

Anyway it has been a year now. And the prints are still there.

Whenever I stop and focus on them.. I feel.. peace. No matter what grief I feel, the prints are able to take away the pain. It heals my grief, presently. Note that I still experience the grief, and I can choose for it to not be healed, but when I focus on the prints, it is almost like a healing salve is applied to whatever I am feeling.

Thanks for listening.

:)

Inspecting the shape of the prints, I became aware that they were not circular.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Uncertain  I knew my body was failing on some level. I was having serious trouble staying awake  most days and I would fall asleep despite my best efforts otherwise, regardless of how rested I was or whatever nutrition I took. And it was getting worse.

However in relative terms I would not say it was the most ill I have ever felt. It was more so - the most drained, both psychologically and physically.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     It is difficult to express exactly how incredible and powerful it felt. The words feel like they are not enough. It's like describing a rainbow. Any sort of representation won't do the real thing justice. Although it will definitely give an accurate depiction.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?      I was alert as I prayed, I then was drowsy when I slept but I was quite lucid. Then when I awoke it was like I was experiencing some sort of extreme whiplash where I was adjusting to being awake again.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      Less consciousness and alertness than normal   I was both more and less alert. It is difficult to describe. Imagine drinking coffee and alcohol at the same time.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   No change (not an NDE)

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   No change.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   There was a point where my body was moved by a force external to my own will.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Grief followed by intense wonder/emotion.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   No  

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   Yes   I know I have the spirit of Christ with me in a very tangible way.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   Well, I was made directly aware of a life force outside of what I would consider the mortal 'realm'. The wounds in my hands are also somehow between mortality and immortality. It is difficult to describe.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I literally felt the spirit of God whilst wide awake and I feel the wounds of Christ on a moment to moment basis without any effort, i.e., I am not 'trying' to feel these wounds, it is present like a wound itself is. I go to sleep and I feel it. I wake up and I feel it. It is always there. I lose awareness of it much in the same way Tinnitus sufferers might simply become accustomed to the ringing in their ears. But it is always there regardless.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I felt the spirit of God whilst very conscious and awake. It moved my arm whilst I was paralysed and wrote a message for me with my own arm using words and terms that were nothing like what I myself would come up with.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes   I was told I had a mission to perform.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   I feel Christ's love on a moment to moment basis and I feel the literal power of his resurrection.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   Again, I felt the spirit of God extremely vividly. Imagine being held by someone else. It was more present than that.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I did not previously know that Christs prints were not circular but rather T shaped. I never even thought that they would not be circular. But it makes entire logical sense in retrospect. Information is available regarding the T shaped prints however I will not direct people to it, I feel if it is important then others will find it like I was shown. I do not want to interfere with others spiritual development and beliefs.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of th   It was beautiful. And I couldn't stop smiling despite what hell I had known otherwise.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I... am in a constant state of wonder and awe. Even now. I can stop and there it is. The prints. And it is not like some overly-zealous stigmata that I am conjuring up. I very literally feel these wounds which do not feel painful. I am quite confused in fact, I feel as though my physical reality is somehow compromised after this. I was quite cynical regarding Jesus and so on, for a while. And following this experience I literally... embody one of his most defining physical characterstics. It is very perplexing.

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   I have a better knowledge of Christ.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   I... very literally feel Christ's prints and I am aware of their exact form/shape, by feeling them very literally and very presently.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     All of it. My life is quite confounding now. I am quite a skeptical person by nature, and perhaps that is why I have such literal and conscious spiritual encounters as opposed to the NDE approach.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  I have only told one family member. I have told others anonymously. I have no idea how to even begin to tell anyone else in my life.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   I've known about NDE's for at least 10 years. Although this was not an NDE.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   Experience was 100% real. If it was not real then life itself is not real. I am not sure how to emphasize this more.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   I presently feel the same aftermath I felt from the moment I had the experience.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   I am still processing the experience. It has taken me a year to even understand that what I experienced was a phenomenal thing.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   I simply have more clarity. But my spiritual approach is more or less unchanged. Although I feel as though it may shift slightly soon as I come to terms with what I experienced, properly.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Yes   Right now I can feel prints in my hands. A soft numbness which includes three features. 1) A vertical line dividing my palm, which is slightly numb and slightly 'stings' when touched as though that part of the hand had been crushed. 2) A horizontal line across the top of my palm which is moreso numb than the vertical line. It doesn't 'sting' as much, it feels as though a slightly desensitized wound. 3) A central focus point which feels entirely numb and as though impaled.

These features are present in both my hands.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   I am perplexed by it. I am not as though some enlightened being. I feel as though I am an imposter upon reality. I wasn't particularly obsessive about Christ before the experience. I was very spiritual however. So to feel his prints feels like I am being spoilt a bit. I know there are many others who would give anything to have such a thing. I know I was given it due to the abuse I suffered. It is a constant comfort.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Uncertain   Obviously the questions are more appropriate for an NDE, which this was not.