Audun M's Experience
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Experience description:
Instead of viewing
death as simply loss and failure, is it possible that death can actually offer
an opportunity for growth? This is a question that has intrigued me ever since I
was given an opportunity for new life � my life � on the road to death.
My own �near death
experience� happened in 1974 when I was 21, after years of crises and illness. I
was on the brink of an academic career after graduating from high school with
top grades � all As. But I didn�t want it: A future in an office inside a hall
at an institute, spending all my time on academic subjects that had very little
meaning for anyone else. I didn�t see the point in a life like that. Instead, I
wanted to do something to create a better world. I had worked for a humanitarian
organization doing practical aid work throughout Europe, on biodynamic farms.
These experiences made
it clear to both me and others that I probably wasn�t a very good farmer, and
that I didn�t fit into all the ranks and hierarchies in a workplace. A difficult
person, in other words.
I had worked with
intellectually disabled people on a biodynamic farm associated with the
anthroposophist Camphill movement in Ireland, in order to take a break and find
some direction in life. I wasn�t able to do either one. I worked and lived with
intellectually disabled people, carried out farm chores with them and
participated in anthroposophist activities on evenings and weekends.
The strict routine
exacerbated my health problems, triggered by a long-term anoxrexia nervosa, at a
time when not much was known about the condition and so it was not generally
treated. The couple that ran the place had taken me in without meeting me first,
and they didn�t like what they saw. They misinterpreted my health problems as
poor behavior and they tried to cure me by dragging me out of bed and forcing me
to work when I was sick. There was no one I could ask for help, and I couldn�t
and didn�t want to run back home with my tail between my legs.
In many ways my
anorexic and bulimic behavior made me a non-person, an outcast, since I wasn�t
able to eat with others and instead stole food at night. The couple that ran the
farm had complete power. They were the first ones to react to my behavior.
Although I worked as hard as I could, by the time autumn arrived my anorexic
body gradually had become so weak I wasn�t able to carry out my duties
satisfactorily. People reacted with disgust and rejection. Children just sniffed
and turned away when I said hello. The intellectually disabled noticed the
reactions of others and instinctively pulled away from me. Even the dog growled
at me. Often when I entered a room I noticed that the conversation suddenly
stopped. It was obvious from peoples� faces what they were talking about.
Throughout the autumn
my stomachaches grew worse � a cutting, burning pain. It got so bad I couldn�t
sleep and had trouble carrying out even the simplest jobs. I was seen by the
local doctor. He felt my stomach and said: �It�s an ulcer�, without doing any
other tests. So now my condition had a name. Even though the name didn�t lead to
any changes, it seemed as though the others accepted me lying in bed with an
�ulcer�. That way they didn�t have to deal with it any longer. I retreated
further and further. The stomachaches often made me curl up in pain during group
meetings, and they no doubt attracted a lot of negative attention. On the farm
in Ireland my condition was a kind of non-subject. Earlier in the fall they had
emphasized that I had to participate in all the meetings. Now it seemed that my
absence was a relief for everyone. I grew weaker and bed-ridden, but the
problem, to others, was gone. No one understood how serious it was.
The days passed and no
one looked in on me. I neither ate nor drank. I�m about 6 feet tall, but my body
weight was down to 99 pounds. My stomachaches grew worse and I had no appetite.
In the middle of December, during the busy days before Christmas, no one had
time or energy to look in on me. I lay in bed day after day, alone, unable to
get up. My energy evaporated. I had the feeling that life was draining from my
body. I had finally come to an end after a long period of confusion, poor
nutrition and self-destruction.
Looking back I see that
this was a textbook case of entering into a death process. I grew weaker. All of
the bulimic behavior and eating at night disappeared. My appetite for food and
drink dissipated by the middle of December. The weakness in my limbs grew worse.
After a while it was a huge undertaking just to go to the bathroom � something I
seldom had to do since I hardly ever ate or drank. My interest in my
surroundings disappeared and I just lay dozing most of the time. The few times
someone did come to see me it was as though I was looking at them through a
blurry filter and it was difficult to speak. When I lay in bed, I had a feeling
I was sinking slowly into a deep, deep darkness. The darkness held no fear.
Finally I had a thought:
If this is death, I�m
not afraid.
A friend of mine wrote
to me a few years back and described me in this way: �You were both braver and
more frightened than the rest of us.� He may have been right. I was afraid of
most things. Strangely though, when death approached I felt no fear. No
depression. None of K�bler-Ross� stages � the ones I�ve read about in books �
except the final stage, acceptance. Maybe I had gone through all the other
emotional stages in earlier years? The only stage I can remember now is
acceptance. In this feeling of acceptance was a kind of sadness about the
thoughts and pictures running through my head. Sadness about what could have
been, what should have been � what didn�t happen.
My clinical condition
worsened quickly in the days and weeks before Christmas. I was an outcast in the
little society and the others were too busy preparing for Christmas to even
notice my existence, apart from a passing thought.
My symptoms increased
and my immune system began to fail. All attempts to take in food or drink were
stopped by the stomach pains � which seemed to get worse when I drank water. I
was bed-ridden. After a while I had a lot of trouble just taking a few steps to
the toilet. My arms and legs wouldn�t move � as though they were made of clay. I
gave up, in a way. Gave up wanting to live, gave up fighting the pain and
weakness. The thought �I�m going to die� arose more and more in my
consciousness, until it was the only thought I had.
I sank into a deep
resignation, accompanied by an acceptance of what was about to happen. I found a
clear parallel to this condition in a poem by Karin Boye:
I listen, I hear life
escaping
steadily faster now.
The calm steps beyond -
death, it is you.
Before you were far
away -
I held you all too
dear.
Now, when I no longer
yearn,
now you are there.
Dear death, there is in
your essence
something which
comforts: mildly,
what you ask for if one
has grown up
or lost all of life!
Dear death, there is in
your essence
something which
purifies clearly:
that which is not with
good or evil
you lay bare and naked.
Follow me and let me
hold your hand,
it is deeply
comforting.
You make what is
beautiful bearing and large,
you make the ugly
small.
It is as if you wanted
something from me.
A present is certainly
what you want:
a curious little key -
the little word yes.
Yes, Yes, I wanted to!
Yes, Yes, I want to!
I lay down my piety
before your feet -
so that life will go
on.
This �Yes� came from
somewhere deep inside � a feeling that all my struggles had been for nothing.
There was no use in fighting. I had to give up and drop into the current, away
from the life I knew. The current carried me to an unfamiliar destination �
�death�. I gave myself up to the growing current of pain and weakness that
increased to a point where the pain was so strong it filled my whole mind. I
noticed that �I� and my body split apart. The pain became more abstract � it
didn�t bother me in the same way.
The dying process was
not a dramatic transition. I just became completely bed-ridden, lost all use of
my body and my mind and body split. There was no feeling of going away or dying.
It was more a feeling that my body was dying. That my spirit was leaving my
body. This is why I�ve never been able to understand life after death as a
philosophical subject or debate. It was so obvious to me that �I� who was
witnessing it all was not dying. The most essential part of me was leaving the
body. I think this is why the Indian wise man Ramana Maharsi has been so
important to me � his description of a near death experience he had at the age
of 16. It was fundamentally exactly like mine.
The thoughts that came
were: �I�m letting go now�, �I�m on my way toward something else.� The physical
world slowly disappeared. It was a gradual transition. Another thought was how
few things really matter! In my state I could travel through the universe. A
feeling of sinking and rising at the same time. The great velvet darkness,
nebulas. Everything was present and available, but nothing was more important
than my own mind, my attitude, my closeness, my senses. What was most striking
in this state was the absence of regular emotions. It was more a feeling of mind
meets mind, being meets being. A new thought came to me: �Nothing can take
existence away from me. I am. From eternity to eternity. Nothing that happens in
any world can change that. This is how it is. �
A few years later I was
to find an odd echoing of this state and phase of my existence in a poem written
by Tor Jonsson, a kind of last testament before he took his own life at the age
of 37:
My loneliness storms
toward the edge
My life was a dream
without clear knowledge
Therefore I no longer
own the earth �
But life I shall never,
never lose.
He knew, just as I knew
in that moment: I am. The source of life will never be lost. This source is not
created. It cannot die. After this experience I was left with a number of
realizations that have never left me. In many ways it has made a materialistic
perspective impossible. It was as though this stage in the death process
represented a kind of overview. The basis for all of it. Then I entered into
more specific levels, like meeting myself layer by layer.
Suddenly it was as
though I�d reached a point where pain, weakness and despair all turned. Perhaps
this was because of the loss of body awareness: First I experienced rising and
sinking at the same time, so that I was outside my normal body and inside
another body where I could observe my familiar body. From this point on I sank
and rose aware from my usual awareness of body and mind, time and place.
Something unfamiliar took hold of me. Slowly I settled into a series of levels
that had no end, contours or depth.
Yet there was level
after level, like deeper, quieter and softer twirls in a spiral. It was as
though each of these levels had their own specific content: I went through all I
had lived, all I had sought, my triumphs and failures, dreams, hope and
disappointments. All the episodes were clear to me like a multidimensional
panorama. But what was important or unimportant had little to do with
appearances. Each level I slid through had its own state of consciousness. The
first levels were more about outward things, episodes and events in a chaos,
like a kaleidoscope. After a while I sank deeper and clearer pictures and
realizations arose, and I was shown what was truly important. Earlier in the
fall I had gone through some extreme emotions related to what I felt had been
unfair treatment by the couple who were running the farm. Even when seriously
ill I was dragged out of bed and beaten by the father of the house, in order to
get me to work. He kept on with this for a while until he realized there was no
point. He didn�t understand what was wrong, but he saw that force and violence
wasn�t working.
Luckily he did
understand that something was wrong. He couldn�t deal with it there and then. My
anger over what I experienced as injustice, not just toward me but also toward
the intellectually disabled who were often subjected to random acts of power and
violence, was now gone. Since looking into the face of death, it was as though
all emotions disappeared, apart from the conciliatory sadness that was a sort of
backdrop for everything. The basic atmosphere was reflected in a line I had
heard in a play by August Strindberg: �Pity the people.� A new perspective sunk
in, a kind of conciliatory feeling about it all. It was as though I could see
for the first time, through new eyes. I saw why and how my parents had done what
they�d done, and also the teachers who had reprimanded me in front of the whole
class with false accusations. All the anger and disappointment was gone. I saw
how they had tried, in their own way, to do the right thing. Their methods
hadn�t been very good for me. In fact they had misunderstood the whole
situation. But it no longer mattered. There was a conciliatory and forgiving
feeling permeating everything I saw.
The deeper I went, the
less I noticed distinct episodes � but rather the meaning or source of each �
those that mattered, relating to what and whom had awoken my deeper emotions.
It seemed there was an intimate connection between that which awoke inner
emotions, that which held meaning and that which made life progress and gave it
importance. Those moments that others thought were important to me were merely
random moments, while small, hidden experiences which no one had noticed lit up
as meaningful. Parties and family gatherings seemed trivial.
But there were clear
recollections from one summer when my parents had rented a farm. My three
younger siblings were 4, 2 and 0 years old and my parents had left me to my own
devices. Their sense of guilt made me wonder. There were no children my own age
nearby, and I was left to my own devices most of the day. In my solitude I took
long walks and explored the landscape. I had a series of experiences that formed
my perspective on life forever. These experiences I later found described in
books by and about mystical topics like Master Eckhart. In short, my life, the
way it was shown to me now, seemed completely different � often the opposite of
the way I was taught to live. Reality seemed different than what I had been
taught or heard about. I saw my own hidden intentions in the actions I had
undertaken. Many of the episodes where I had seemed kind and good presented
themselves as episodes where I hid my true motives and had therefore manipulated
both myself and others. Other episodes where �the difficult Audun� was in
charge, held something real and true, something that would last, even though the
result was chaos and negativity.
I understood why I had
retreated from everything and no longer wanted to live, because what I needed in
order to survive did not exist anywhere. And at the same time I realized that
this was the fundamental experience that had led me to this point, to my death
day, when I left this life on December 20th 1974. It was the thirst
for something, a spring I could not find. A couple of years following this
experience I found a few lines from a poem by Karin Boye which reflects my �near
death experience�:
I am sick from poison.
I am sick from thirst,
For which Nature
Never created drink.
Karin Boye took her own
life. Was it because she was never able to quench that thirst? Was there a
spring that could quench my own thirst? I slid further into deeper levels, but
the questions remained unanswered.
On the next level I
experienced a feeling that I recognized from when I started working with the
dying: Whatever had mattered to me disappeared and lost its meaning. Ambition,
drama. What remained when everything else was gone were the people I met that
had meant something to me, the relationships that had influenced me. And what I
felt, in encountering these episodes that had been my life, was that I had
something to give, but no one was there to receive. I had loved and been loved,
but I had not really been there. Something was missing. The core, what I call �I
am who I am�.
Something became clear,
something I�d never had the opportunity to discover � that no one had done
anything wrong. Neither me nor anyone else. But I was a person who had not fit
in anywhere. What I had inside me, the contribution I might make, had never
emerged. That which gave life meaning, purpose and value had never become
visible. My grades from school and sport achievements were of little value. I
understood that I was a person who would never be able to continue without
finding his own voice in the world. Many people can live a life without meaning.
I could not.
When I stand before a
gathering of people who have come to hear my voice, these stages in my death
experience force their way into my consciousness. The lecture comes to a halt. A
gratitude that has no words and that knows no boundaries overwhelms me: The fact
that I�ve been allowed to live in a world as myself, as who I am. That I�ve had
the opportunity to find my own form of expression, unrestricted, flowing from
the source. And last but not least � That my true expression has found
reception, in the people listening to me in the room. I will never get used to
to. It will never become routine. I have gone too far into death, and the odds
that I would ever experience this have been too poor. Nearly every time I awake
with this feeling, in this life I live here and now, I am in awe.
The next stage I
entered I have given the name forgiveness or reconciliation. This stage is also
with me in my current life. I can be temperamental and difficult, and have a
tendency to develop conflict filled relationships with other people. But over
time this has changed. Even with those people with whom I have had difficult
relationships, we hug when we meet. I am no longer able to create any animosity
toward people I have struggled with in the past. In fact, I believe that
near-death experience has had something to do with this.
Let me explain.
Everything that people and other living creatures had given me became evident,
and reconciliation following forgiveness, mixed with wistfulness about what
could never be. A life that was about to end. I slipped past people who had
meant something to me and made my farewells. All the regret, aggression and
bitterness, all the self-recrimination and accusations toward others were gone.
This was forgiveness toward myself and toward others.
The next stage I have
called the inner circle. In meeting the dying, this is what often remains: The
core relationships, a wife, children. A nun with cancer, who was dying, spoke
about her encounter with Christ, deep within the courtyard of death. As many
other who come to this place, I was confronted with the depth of my
relationships with my parents and siblings. I was in many ways quite distant
from them at that time. Leaving my parents and my siblings, those who had been
my foundation, went right to the core of my own foundation � a tree deep in my
heart slowly torn up by its roots. These were people who stood closest to me,
who had influenced me most through the first two decades of my life. I saw the
ribbons that bound us and the gaps between us. It was a warm, sad acceptance and
parting. I knew I would never see them again where I was going.
I slipped into a room I
call silence, where there were no words and scarcely any emotions other than the
feeling of silence. The silence had the quality of darkness and stars in the
sky. A few years later I described this stage in a verse of a song I wrote when
the past and future were sucked into a single moment where only silence spoke.
I am
I am the shine in every
star
I am the velvet dream
of darkness
I am the distant mist
Behind the quiet
current of time.
Now there were no more
people, no connection to the earth I knew or the life I�d led. There was only
silence, no karma, no cause or effect. I recall only a thought in the midst of
silence: Freedom. I rested in this place for what seemed like eternity. Then I
was pulled into a spiral like a snail shell. Karin Boye described this part of
the death process in her poem:
THUS DO WE DRIFT...
Thus do we drift, lost
souls,
Within the �seashell�s
voice� was peace, a feeling of coming home. This peace was underneath, behind
and inside, filling me. I had been so incredibly insecure, done all kinds of
things to avoid being rejected � often making sure I was rejected by showing
asocial and unacceptable behavior. Here for the first time I experienced a place
where there was no rejection, no judgment, no high or low self-esteem. It was
impossible to even imagine rejection where I was. Everything fell into place.
The next level that
opened up was a room of love which filled everything. That such love could
exist was beyond anything I could have imagined. Had someone described such a
thing to me, I would not have had the capacity to comprehend it. Every cell
vibrated on its own frequency. Everything in and around me was filled with this
love. I both saw and felt it at the same time. Later I realized I�d had no
memory of my body, nor was I conscious of any life on earth.
Slowly I became
conscious of myself, my body and the room I was in. I lay in pitch black
darkness but noticed that something had changed. �Has someone turned on the
light?� I thought. It was as if the light had been turned on, but I did not see
a lit lamp. It was as though a light was gradually emerging. The light grew and
became overwhelming. I had to sit up and the weariness and pain faded away in
this meeting with the strange light that filled the room. But then I realized
that the light had taken on a physical form. The dark room was lit up by a
figure which filled me and the room � all the rooms. This figure was human, but
it was woven with light and in fact it was light, as if every cell in its
body was created from molecules of light. At this point I refer to Ritchie�s
description: This light was so bright that it could rip retinas to shreds in a
moment. Later I read something from Dostoevsky: �No man can bear the eyes of
God�, and thought:
It�s true. No human
could bear such light.
The small sense of fear
that rushed through me in this sudden meeting was quickly washed away by the
radiance from this being. Whoever or whatever it was, I knew with every fiber in
my being that this being wished me no harm. I noticed that the being turned
toward me and spoke without words in direction communication, cell to cell.
Usual speech was unnecessary.
I didn�t know who this
being was. But all fear disappeared in this encounter with a consciousness I can
only describe with three words: Wisdom, compassion and love. Following this
experience I have carried within me a sort of inner reference concerning the
meaning of these three concepts. This moment is actually the gist of the life I
have since led. Not a memory of something I experienced as a 21 year old, but
that single moment: All I have been and can be, all I need, all I seek is in
this moment. No fear, no want, no loss could be conceived of in this moment. It
was unthinkable to seek anything but this. I have had many confusing and
difficult periods later in life, but the connection with this single moment
always pulls me back to the place where all is perfect. In this moment I was
again shown my life as it had been, but now I saw it as a panorama, a synthesis
of all my experiences and their meaning. I saw all the episodes the my illness
had brought: Being an outcast, only being able to eat at night, breaking in to
steal food, being taken out, punished and made to feel ashamed. Now I saw those
episodes with a deep empathy and understand of the forces responsible: The
longing, the need to exist. I later heard a song by Leonard Cohen that described
my sick behavior:
You know who I am
You`ve stared at the
sun
Well, I am the one
Who loves changing from
nothing to one.
An insight became
clear: You must never judge another person. There is always a reason for what
they do.
At this point in my
experience the moment and the figure formed to make one silent question for me:
�What is the purpose of
your life?�
The answer came
spontaneously and unexpressed:
�This!�
I felt a reply from the
light being:
�Then it shall be.�
And so began a silent
lesson on life�s hidden relationships. The knowledge I received in this moment
was like the lessons I have later read about spiritual science, but it had a
unique quality that I have later tried to impart through classes and seminars.
.
Before this experience
I had spent a year in anthroposophist environments and tried to read the work of
Rudolf Steiner. Again and again I had to concede that I hardly understood a
single word and had to put away the book after a few wasted pages. Following my
experience I started on Steiner�s two most challenging works, �Theosophie� and
�Geisteswissenschaft im Umriss�, and read them as easily as if they were comic
books. I could reiterate and interpret them as well, so I was considered a kind
of provocateur in anthroposophist circles. Without attending the obligatory
study groups, I went straight in and explain Steiner�s ideas in a manner that
must have seemed arrogant coming from a kid like me. Something had changed my
ability to understand spiritual subjects.
After I was shown the
spiritual words and all their connections, a silent question began to form in my
mind:
- �What should this be
used for?�
The answer came at the
same moment:
- �To bless and heal
other people�.
A feeling came over me
that gradually became more physical. Then an insight dawned on me � I had a task
that should and must be carried out on earth.
In a strange way, it is
as though the light being and I made a kind of pact in that moment. A contract
for a plan: The light being made it clear to me that I would get my life back on
the condition that I used it to impart this wisdom and empathy I had
experienced, in order to heal. At the same time I would work to broaden the
field of medicine to include a spiritual perspective. In other words: Offer my
little contribution to a wider audience. It was this inner knowledge that was
given to me as an imperative. It was an order. I had no choice. I saw pictures
from my future life, with me eagerly working as a doctor in a hospital, with
something that looked like healing with my hands. At the same time I saw
pictures of me holding lectures and seminars with big and small groups of people
who were inspired and interested in my message. A message about an integrated
field of medicine with an interwoven spiritual dimension as a practical tool to
relieve symptoms and cure illness. Several times over the past few years I have
suddenly, during a class or consultation, had a strange feeling of having been
in this situation before. A kind of deja-vu feeling. And then I realized I have
been in this situation � that these moments were included in my life panorama.
Is life more planned than we think? I don�t know, but these experiences make me
wonder.
The order (or so it
felt) to become a doctor was surprising, and would have been completely
unacceptable to me before. Because of my good grades in high school, my teacher
told me I ought to study medicine.
- Never � I know I�ll
never do that! was my reply.
All contact with the
health system had been negative, humiliating and disgusting, and I felt
intensely uncomfortable whenever I was in the hospital corridors. Now I had
been told to do something and had no choice. This was knowledge implanted in
every one of my cells. This was my life�s calling, what I was supposed to do.
The overwhelming light faded and my contact with the light being became weaker.
It was as though something pushed me through a spiral, through a cyclone of
levels and worlds. I was barely conscious of it all and then slowly I woke up in
bed.
Although I was still
weak, I gradually regained strength in the days that followed. The stomach pains
which had increased month by month before my experience were all gone. I could
eat again. Something awoke within me. Everyone on the farm noticed my change.
The intellectually disabled began approach me again. That moment I had
experienced was with me day and night. I had previously had some major conflicts
with the leadership at the Camphill farm. Now they offered me a kind of
reconciliation. In the little anthroposophist society there emerged a new
understanding and respect. There was something about me that made it impossible
to treat me badly. I began to eat meals with the others and no longer ate at
night. The growling dog and the children approached me in friendship � like the
final scene of some sentimental American film. When I returned to Norway to
retake the subjects I needed in order to get into medical school, they all told
me they�d miss me, and they meant it.
Earlier I had tried
meditation, but had never been able to do it right � the few times I�d tried.
Now I seemed to understand meditation from within. I started my own type of yoga
and meditation at least two hours every evening and worked on the farm during
the day. Soon I arrived home in Norway to take the subjects I needed and started
medical school in August 1975 � eight months after the most significant life
changing event I�d ever had.
The first couple of
years following me NDE, I must have been intolerable, though I didn�t mean to
be. The classic example of someone who has seen the light and wants to tell the
world about it. I never told anyone about the entire near death experience, only
the short version about the meeting with the light being and its message. I
adjusted my tale for audiences who considered themselves Christians, and they
were told about my meeting with Christ. For the secular audiences I told about a
spiritual dimension and a spiritual being. After my NDE I noticed that my
relationships has changed. At home everyone could see in my eyes that something
had happened. The most significant change during the following years was the
feeling of fundamental love and acceptance toward other people. My decision to
study medicine was met with surprise and skepticism by those who knew me. I was
viewed as too sensitive and uptight to be able to work with people in this way.
Another side effect of the anorexia had been a kind of distancing from my body,
so it took me many years before I was able to master the practical abilities I
needed as a doctor. But from the first moment I began to work with patients, I
was told that I seemed exceptionally empathic, something that surprised me. The
labels �egotistical� given to �the difficult Audun� were difficult for me to
shake, so I hadn�t given much thought to my empathy. But I�ve received this kind
of feedback throughout my career. I think that if it�s true, then it�s possible
that I was given this insight through my NDE, and also from my twelve years of
illness without any help.
from camp-fire hole to camp-fire hole,
know nothing of our next rest
and nothing of the journey's goal,
but know that our hearts are drawn
inexorably, without choice
in towards the sea of an unknown home
that murmurs deep in the seashell's voice.
At the time of
your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?
Yes
Was the
experience difficult to express in words?
Yes The dimensions
and communications need another language to be explained properly. An example:
Thoughts were not "fast", rather multidimensional, all occurring several levels
at once.
At what time
during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and
alertness?
In the meeting with the being, especially in the moment being given my life
purpose
How did your
highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to
your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?
More consciousness and
alertness than normal I was given a new level of knowledge and insight "beyond
the veil". Spiritual understanding has been natural since the NDO in 1974
Please compare
your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had
immediately prior to the time of the experience.
Clear sight, insight,
inner sight
Please compare
your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had
immediately prior to the time of the experience.
Different, able to hear
the language of silence, words and sounds not needed
Did you see or
hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your
consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?
No
What emotions
did you feel during the experience?
First sad acceptance,
then acceptance, in the meeting with the being, words cannot describe the
feelings, which were in a different range altogether. The questions below
therefore seem flat and meaningless
Did you pass
into or through a tunnel?
No
Did you see an
unearthly light?
Yes
Did you seem to
encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?
I encountered a
definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you
encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are
described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?
Uncertain The
being was made of light, compassion, wisdom. Whether it had any connection with
Christ, I do not know
Did you
encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?
No
Did you become
aware of past events in your life during your experience?
Yes I saw a detailed
life review but with a different perspective, highlighting the inner potential
of my deeds
Did you seem to
enter some other, unearthly world?
A clearly
mystical or unearthly realm
Did time seem to speed up or slow down?
Everything seemed to be
happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Did you
suddenly seem to understand everything?
Everything about
the universe
I was given detailed teachings that I finally now have been able to verbalize
the last two years, 35 + years after the NDO.
Did you reach a
boundary or limiting physical structure?
No
Did you come to
a border or point of no return?
I came to a
definite conscious decision to "return" to life
Did scenes from
the future come to you?
Scenes from my personal
future
Also the world`s future. Everything I saw, has been borne out as time has passed
since 1974.
During your
experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting
that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (�life
after death�)?
Yes It was a given
fact
During your
experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a
supreme being either does (or does not) exist?
Yes
During your
experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you
either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?
Yes
During your
experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a
mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not)
exist? Yes
During your
experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding
earthly life�s meaning or purpose?
Yes These were shown
During your experience, did you encounter any specific
information / awareness regarding earthly life�s difficulties, challenges, or
hardships? Yes These were shown
During your experience, did you encounter any
specific information / awareness regarding love?
Yes Love as the fundamental pulse of all creation
During your experience, did you encounter any
other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other
questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?
Yes The importance of understanding the power of
intention
Did you have a sense of knowing special
knowledge or purpose? Yes I was shown the
spiritual realms in detail. After the NDO I could not understand why others did
not have the same knowledge
What occurred during your experience
included: Content that was both consistent and
not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Shattered my belief system, but confirmed basic tenets of spirituality
How accurately do you remember the experience
in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the
experience? I remember the experience more
accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the
experience
My experience directly resulted in: Large
changes in my life
Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that
occurred as a result of the experience? Yes
Are there one or several parts of your
experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?
That I was given life back, but as a contract: To do
the life mission I have since devoted my life to (Physician in integrated
medicine)
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other
special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the
experience? Yes I see and understand the
patterns of energy fields or auras, can read patterns of the deeper psyche,
decipher "past lives" and work directly with group energy fields.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful
or significant to you? That I was given life
back, but as a contract: To do the life mission I have since devoted my life to
(Physician in integrated medicine)
Have you ever shared this experience with others?
Yes 35 years
Did you have any knowledge of near death
experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
No
What did you believe about the reality of your
experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:
Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your
experience at the current time: Experience was
definitely real
Have your relationships changed specifically as
a result of your experience? Yes More
universal approach to relationships
Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices
changed specifically as a result of your experience?
Yes
At any time in your life, has anything ever
reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
Spiritual experiences
Did the questions asked and information that
you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?
No
What could a national organization with an
interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?
Continue exploring in a scientific framework.