Anthony R's Experience
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Experience description:
I had been
drinking since 3:00 p.m. on this particular day. I started with a few beers at
a local restaurant, then proceeded to buy and drink a 12 ounce bottle of vodka
to sip during the two hour drive to my destination at the Pocono mountains in
Pennsylvania. Prior to this day I had not had a single drink in three months,
so my alcohol tolerance was quite low. By the time I reached the Poconos I had
consumed the entire bottle of vodka and was drinking more beer. By 12 a.m. I
started throwing up alcohol, food, and blood, but continued to drink
nonetheless. Any
associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the
experience: Yes
Explanation:
Between 20-30 servings of alcohol - beer and vodka Was the
experience difficult to express in words?
Yes
What was it about the
experience that makes it hard to communicate?
I'm still not sure if it was a vivid dream, a hallucination, or a real NDE.
Many of the events were so supernatural that they could not be accurately
described in words. At the
time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
Uncertain
Describe:
I was extremely drunk, I threw up blood, I blacked out for at least an hour, and
then I passed out. What was
your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?
Initially, my level of consciousness was heightened, even more vivid that in
real life. I could see things in dimensions I never could in real life, like I
had super 3-D vision. There were parts of my experience that seemed cloudy and
dreamlike, although the vision of the girl and of the young boy was incredibly
clear and powerful, maybe even more so than in real life. Was the
experience dream like in any way?
Parts of it were. The part with the tin house seemed somewhat like a dream.
The initial experience was NOTHING like a dream. I thought I was awake. Did you
experience a separation of consciousness from your body?
Yes Describe
your appearance or form apart from your body:
I felt taller and I was able to see things in much more vivid detail than
normally. Everything seemed incredibly detailed and clear, which is unusual
because I have very bad vision. I felt like I was floating over people rather
than standing with them. What
emotions did you feel during the experience?
Confusion dominated the experience. I never once actually had the thought that
I was dead. The most confusing and disturbing experience was seeing my own
body. I look different in three dimensions, which may have been why I didn't
recognize myself initially. Did you
hear any unusual sounds or noises?
No. Did you
pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
Uncertain
Describe:
I passed through the ceiling of the house at which I was staying and sort of
passed INTO space. I cannot explain this feeling other than I was PART of space
- as if I could see every single star in my field of vision. I vaguely remember
the stars beginning to form into a tunnel, but remember nothing after that until
I saw the tin house. Did you
see a light? Yes
Describe:
I saw the stars and the "tunneling" of the sky. The stars were much brighter
and whiter than anything on earth. Also, before I went back into my body, I
looked back and saw the three silhouettes surrounded in an incredible light much
brighter and whiter than anything on earth. However, this light did not hurt my
eyes. It was comforting and serene, and I was sad to leave it. Did you
meet or see any other beings?
Yes
Describe:
I talked directly to who I believe is someone to whom I pray regularly. He
communicated to me things about the tin house that I still do not fully
understand. From what I can make out of it, he told me in a strange way that it
was not my time, that the house "wasn't finished," that "it was a house of
cards." To this day I still do not fully understand these statements. Did you
experience a review of past events in your life?
No Did you
observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that
could be verified later?
Uncertain
Describe:
I saw my friends conversing and I saw a girl pulling out a mattress. I have not
tried to find out if these events happened while I was passed out.
Did you
see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
dimensions? Uncertain
Describe:
Being in the sky with the stars was something totally unlike anything I had ever
experienced here. The tin house location was a place I had never been to,
although its presence was more disturbing and confusing to me than beautiful. Did you
have any sense of altered space or time?
Yes
Describe:
The whole event seemed to take place in 15 or 20 minutes, although over 5 hours
elapsed between the start and end of the event Did you
have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Uncertain
Describe:
The men playing cards seemed to be a vision of a higher order dealing out "life
situations." I can't make out its meaning, but the vision had lots of clarity
and power to it. Did you
reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
Uncertain
Describe:
The tin house seemed to be a boundary to me. I felt that I couldn't go into it
or pass it. It was almost like I was not allowed to be near it. Did you
become aware of future events?
Uncertain
Describe:
I believe the girl I saw will be someone significant in my life - perhaps my
future wife or daughter. The boy I saw is almost definitely a future son of
mine. He looked very much like me. Were you
involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?
Uncertain
Describe:
When I floated back to the house, I felt as if I "had to go back," as if I
almost had no choice. I was very resentful about this decision before I
re-entered my body, but a part of me knew I had to do it. Did you
have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you
did not have prior to the experience?
Yes Describe:
Pennies began to appear everywhere I went. They would pop up spontaneously on
trash cans, on gym equipment, on the ground, in my pockets. Just yesterday a
penny appeared on the passenger seat of my car out of nowhere. No one has sat
in that seat in days and there was no way that penny could have gotten there by
my doing. Did you
have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
No Has the
experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices etc.?
Career choices? I am more
confused now about life than I ever have been. I am still not sure about
whether or not this was a true NDE. I now write down all my dreams to see if I
can make sense out of them or find messages in them. Have you
shared this experience with others?
Yes
Describe:
Nearly everyone thinks it was not an NDE. My best friend said it could not have
been an NDE because he watched me for hours after I passed out to make sure I
was still breathing. What
emotions did you experience following your experience?
I was incredibly depressed for an entire week after the experience. I was also
extremely confused about the experience and its meaning. What was
the best and worst part of your experience?
The best part of the experience was seeing the stars and seeing my own body.
Also, the clarity I felt after I woke up was nothing I had ever felt before.
The worst part about this experience is still with me today - thinking about
whether or not it really was an NDE or just a drunk dream. Is there
anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
No. Has your
life changed specifically as a result of your experience?
No Following
the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or
substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No Did the
questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively
describe your experience?
No
Explain:
There is truly no way to accurately describe this experience in words. Please
offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.oberf.org questionnaire?
It's a good questionnaire.
Most of the events from this point on come to me in bits and pieces. My friends
later told me that I tried to get in my car to drive back home, but I have
absolutely no recollection of this. The only things I remember between 12 a.m.
and 1 a.m. (when I passed out) were taking out my contacts (I don't remember
going to my car to get my stuff) and laying on the couch muttering about how I
just wanted to die. I must have passed out there because that's where I found
myself the next morning.
Sometime later after I had passed out, I recall getting up from the couch,
turning around and actually SEEING my body. At the time I wasn't cognizant of
the fact that it was me - I only saw a person with a blue shirt and khaki pants
laying on the couch. No one else at the house was wearing this. What I found
odd was that I wasn't standing in the room but sort of floating in the room. I
found my perspective of view to be much higher than I normally would, as if I
were seven feet tall (I'm only 5'8). This event of seeing myself makes me
believe that this wasn't a dream or a drunken memory but something else.
Next, I found myself in a circle of people who were all talking amongst each
other. These I knew were my friends, and they all seem worried. I don't
remember anything they said, but it seemed like none of them realized I was
standing there. No one looked at me when I entered the discussion. It was if I
wasn't there.
The next thing I remember was moving upstairs to the second floor, where a girl
was pulling out a mattress of some sorts and arguing with someone. What she was
arguing about I don't know. What seemed odd was that I don't remember going up
the steps to the second floor. It was almost as if I had just thought about it
and I was there, like I had instantly transcended through the ceiling on the
first floor to the second floor.
I looked up and saw a skylight and started staring at the skylight. As I did
this I literally moved through the skylight and was surrounded by thousands of
stars. I could see almost every star in the sky. The sky was much blacker than
I ever saw it on earth, and the stars were big and bright, as if I were much
closer to them than I ever could be.
The next part of this event is hazy to me. It felt like I was in a state of
deep dreamless drunken sleep for about 15 minutes. Then, it was daylight. I
was still outside and floating over the ground about 50 feet up. I approached a
very rickety house that looked as if it were made of tin. It stood on a grassy
knoll, and mountains could be seen in the background. I sort of descended to
ground level and could see the house from a normal perspective.
It was then that I felt the presence of someone behind me. He spoke, and said
"This house is not finished yet." During the event I didn't really know who
this person was, but when I review it now I am positive that this person is a
person to whom I pray and who is dead. I responded with, "No, no, it's time to
rock, it's time to rock and roll!" which was my own code phrase for "I want to
die." I have had suicidal thoughts since I was a child, and every time I think
of dying I think to myself, "It's time to rock and roll," which is my way of
saying "I want to leave this earth." He responded by saying, "No you can't
leave. The house, it's a house of cards." When he said this I instantly saw
several very distinct and clear visions.
The first was of someone's hands shuffling a deck of cards. The next was of
three and possibly four people or beings, dressed in hooded garments, playing
some game of cards at a table in a very dark room. I could not see any of their
faces because of the hoods. All the garments were a brown color. The next
vision was of a blonde-haired girl taking something out of a locker. She had a
bookbag over her shoulder. She closed the locker and walked away from it
towards what looked like a small auditorium. In the dream I thought this place
was a school I had once attended years ago, but now I realize that the structure
of this place does not match the school I attended. I tried to follow the girl
into the auditorium but then encountered my final vision.
This one was of a boy, about one year old, riding one of those kiddie trucks
that kids push along with their feet. His hair was curly and moppy, and he had
a goofy smile on his face. He was riding in a corridor that looked like the
second floor of the house at which I was staying, but I'm not sure of this.
Finally, I found myself outside of the house at which I was staying, floating
about it about fifty feet in the air. I slowly approached the house and floated
through the first floor window and into the living room.
I turned around and saw a very bright light with three silhouettes inside of
it. I was laying on a skateboard (I can't explain why or the significance of
this skateboard, only that it was there). The silhouettes were waving to me.
One was tall and in the middle, and the other two were much shorter and at
either end of the light. I now believe that these three silhouettes were my
guardian angels - my grandmother (the tall one) and two others who are dead and
whose names I do not want to mention here. I believe now that their tallness
signified their spiritual power. My grandmother was extremely spiritual on
earth, so this is why I believe she was the tall one. Then I remember sort of
slipping back into my body, almost as if I had laid down into it.
I then awoke. It was 6 a.m. and daylight. Two things struck me immediately
when I awoke. The first was the fact that I could see everything in the room
perfectly clearly. I have 20/400 vision, and I can barely see without glasses
or contacts. I thought I had passed out and left the contacts in, not initially
remembering that I took them out. For thirty seconds I could see everything in
the room with more clarity that I ever have in my life. The second thing that
struck me as odd was the absence of any exhaustion or hangover for this thirty
second period. I felt more refreshed that I ever had in my life. After this
thirty seconds, however, everything blurred and I started to feel sick to my
stomach again. I then realized that I had awoken and that I had passed out on
the couch.
I have also begun to have incredibly vivid dreams. In these dreams I feel
tremendous emotions - love, sadness, regret. The dreams are incredibly real - I
can feel things, smell things, touch and talk to people.
I seem to have a sense of things happening before they do. A name just pops in
my head and out of nowhere that person will call thirty seconds later.
I will think of a random song that I haven't heard in years and it will appear
on the radio. This has happened to me so many times that I cannot dismiss it as
coincidence.
I have also visited places far away that I know I have seen in my dreams
before. For example, I entered a psychic shop in New Orleans that I absolutely
positively remember in a dream of mine. There was literally no difference
between the shop in real life and the shop in the dream. I had never been to
New Orleans before that day.
Finally, I feel things about people that I never did before. I can feel
tension, happiness, sadness, lies, honesty - I can feel when someone feels these
things if they're in my presence. It's an odd, vague feeling, but it's there
and it confuses me a lot.