"My Previous Life"     

It is very fuzzy but I remember clearly being a young girl.  I lived in a small wooden house on.  It seemed long ago earth time.  I remember no sheet rock on walls, just logs.  I remember a  kitchen area with wood counter tops.  The house seemed dark (all wood).  I was very happy and content with my father.  Can't remember any siblings?  Do not remember my mother?  But do recall being content with my life.  Then it seems my father married, I feel as if I was about 12 years old.  The new wife was pregnant and I remember feeling sorry for her when she went into labor to have the baby.  I remember feeling hurt that my father ha the new wife and baby and felt kind of shut out.  (Probably feeling jealous).  Sometime shortly after the baby was born, I decided to help around the house more with cleaning etc... I remember feeling like I wanted to please my father and try to encourage his new wife to like and except me as a part of their new family.  I was excited about it.  The old roof of the wooden house had a leak.  I decided I would get up there and try to seal it off with something?  To keep the rain from dripping inside.  I do not remember the details of how I was going to fix it?  I do remember falling off the front of the house.  I remember it knocking my breath out.  I have memories of riding in a horse and carriage or buggy laying down.  I was in pain and could not get up or move. 

The next thing I remember about this is laying in a bed, in a small room.  There was a lady I remember that would care of me there.  I guess she was a nurse.  I did get visits from my family often in the beginning.  I am not sure how long I was in there but I feel it was several months.  I could not move or walk.  I was paralyzed all over.  I remember that every hour felt like a week to me.  I was so bored, scared, missed my home and Dad.  Hopeful that I would get well soon and go home.  I remember asking the nurse lady if she thought I was getting better.  She would apprehensively tell me yes she thought I was.  The visits from my family became increasing less and less.  I am sure it was painful and depressing for my father to see me that way.  I began emotionally grasping for the nurse.  She was all I had.  But I feel that she only felt sorry for me and it was her duty to take care of me and that was about it.   I remember trying to be hopeful and hanging on to get better and go back to my life.  Over time I felt lonely and less hopeful.  I began to have this feeling that I wanted to either make some improvement or to go ahead and die.  I remember giving myself some sort of time span that if I hadn't improved by a certain amount of time that I would give up.  

I don't remember how long it was but I think it was a reasonable amount of time.  During this time I had thought deeply about how I could die if I didn't improve.  I knew that if I didn't that I would be no good to anyone and just a burden.  I couldn�t move anything fully paralyzed  and so the only thing I could think of is to stop breathing.  I waited out my time for improvement and had my plan in place.  Well, the time finally came.  I was afraid, very afraid.  I remember trying a few times and failing.  I thought about it some more very deeply.  After several tries, I finally did it!  I held it until I died. 

"MY DEATH" 

My death seemed so instant.  One minute here on Earth, the next minute, there with my real family, Home! 

I felt myself flying very fast as if I was carried and pulled by a strong force.  I didn't feel alone or scared at that time.  It all happened so fast.  Instantly I was greeted and cheered by people (us) outside of physical bodies.  People that had been here before.  They were so happy to see me and full of love.  They were telling me I did great. I felt relief and thought, Wow, dyeing was so easy, it didn't hurt at all!  I could not believe how quick and easy it was after you actually do it.  Although I was relieved, I was also mentally exhausted from the whole experience I had just went through on earth.  I also had great pain and sorrow for having to leave my life so short into it and hurt from how my family had just abandoned me.  I wanted to see what they were doing now (my family), but they said no I didn't need to see.  It would just be too painful.  I was crying immensely and said it wasn't fair that they get to keep living and I could not.  I felt stronger love there than I ever felt on earth, it made the love of my family on earth seem so insignificant.   I felt such comfort, love and more secure than explainable.  My pain turned to anger at how people get when they are in bodies.  I thought getting into bodies made all of us there act and do stupid things and become mean.  I was just very hurt at how I was neglected by my family on earth.  I then remember being taken to rest. I felt more love and I can possible describe, more peace, beautiful resting, so comfortable, no pain, no worries with the strongest power imaginable taking care of everything.  So secure and loved I cannot describe the feeling of satisfaction and comfort of knowing how safe we all are.  I felt no sense of any time.  Didn't exist!  I know that after a period of fantastic resting, I was encouraged to interact with others there. But refused and cried like a baby.  I said that if we act like that in bodies then that is who and what we really are and I didn't trust any one there.  I just wanted to stay right there where I was with my family where I was safe from being hurt and rest.  I still just wanted to rest and bask in my feeling of safety and security.  I felt I was a young spirit because those around me felt like stronger, smarter, wiser spirits that knew more than I.  People that loved me there, Parents? family? I don't know.  So there I was just enjoying it so much. 

I remember my family encouraging me to mingle several times but always getting great anxiety from the thought of it.  Then I remember them telling me that I was going to have to go back to earth.  Although I had been upset after having to leave earth before, that had all changed.  After a short time at home (heaven),  I quickly healed from the pain of leaving my family on earth and the entire ordeal and never wanted to go back to earth again.  I thought it was much too painful physically, mentally and emotionally.  I remember them getting permission or allowing me to keep resting for now.  So I did and was relieved.  Do no knowhow long they let me keep resting (No Time There).  But the time did arrive, and thy were stern but in a sweet, nice encouraging way that I must go now.  I cried!  I threw a tantrum.  They encouragingly told me to pick from some parents or a life?  I would not and it seemed that they worked wit me on that for a bit.  They attempted to get me to go and look at my choices but I refused.  I was extremely upset at the whole thing.  After many attempts, they chose for me.  They said my mother was very sweet and good and I would like her.  I had no choice at this time and I knew it.  They told me I would not remember anything prior to my life but I was determined not to forget.  I remember having to go to some kind of place where you leave there.  Like a tunnel or slide, colorful, clear, full of energy that sucks you downward very quickly.  There was someone there (A Guide?)  to ride with me.  I felt scared, apprehensive and excited all at the same time.  I knew that once I stepped into it that there was no return.  We Went! 

"In My Mother's Tummy"    

I remember now being in my body in my mother's tummy.  I felt afraid but not for long.  It felt to me the same way as when I was resting in heaven.  I was comfortable, secure, relieved and just basking in the rest.  I could also feel her love which made me feel good.  I became very comfortable there but was still aware that it was temporary and that I would have to be born into the world.  I knew at that time, it would be a lot of work to live in a body on earth.  My apprehensions grew as I grew in her tummy.  It became harder and harder to get comfortable and it was growing tighter with less room to move.  I knew that the time was coming near that I would have to be born into the world.  I was once again getting scared.  As I grew, I became more and more uncomfortable.  And then, the urge to get out was within me.  I just felt I needed to get out and that I could no longer live in that environment.  Too uncomfortable, too boring.  Still nervous about what I was to face after birth, I knew it was time to get out of  there.  I remember moving around and trying to figure out ways to get out.  I started to worry again (I'm good at that), that I would be the one not to be able to figure out how to get out of there.  I knew my mother would do a lot of the work in getting me out but I also knew she needed my help as well.   I remember moving around until I got into a good position and began to move, at that time I just remember making progress and continuing with what I was doing until I finally made it out. 

"My Birth" 

When I finally made it out, the lights were so bright,  I remember feeling cold and  so heavy and thinking, I don't like this and crying.    I felt so heavy and could not operate the body I was in.  It scared me.  It felt uncomfortable.  I was exhausted.  But at that moment I remember telling myself over and over in my mind, "I'm not going to forget", "I'm not going to forget", I'm not going to forget this time where I came from.  I remember that I continued this thought over and over as a baby.   I remember a spirit being with me for a short while on and off as an infant.  Then I remember laying in my crib one day, upset and saying to myself, "You told me you would be here with me to help me".  But the spirit didn't come back.  I felt rejected, scared and wondered to myself how I would ever be able to learn this language and operate this body, much less accomplish anything else.  I felt overwhelmed and had no idea how I would accomplish so much.  I was impatient and wanted it all now and wanted it all to be easy.  It was so much work.  Every minute and hour of every day was so much work.  I felt the most work I had ever done in my life was in my first two years.  I could not proceed to anything else here until I learned the language and how to operate my body I was in.  I remember clearly, it was a major, tedious everyday job.  It exhausted me and I slept frequently to rest in between the work and play.  I remember my first bite of food (baby cereal), it was the best thing and I could not get enough after that.  It became something I looked forward to in between my work of learning language and operating my body.

As time grew I began to slowly learn the language and operate my body.  I was so proud and encouraged with every step.

I remember finally taking my first steps and thinking to myself.  Wow I am walking!  I can do it.  If I can do this, then maybe I will be Okay after all.  Another memory I have as a young child is riding in the back seat of the car with my parents, music playing on the radio, some kind of rock song.  My father was arguing at my mother about something.  I didn't like it and thought grown ups are so naive, they think they know everything but they are like children, they know nothing.  That is why they are here, to learn.  But they take it upon themselves to abuse their privileges here on earth and act as if they can do it alone.    I was a small child when I was thinking this.  I have continued through my life to refer to these memories and feel so much comfort from them.  I thank God for allowing me to keep these memories, he knew how badly I wanted to remember and I feel it was a gift from him. 

Many Blessings to all, 

Angela E