Experience description:

In short, I woke from a nightmare, cried the hell out of my soul, and I saw the holy trinity in green light, like a 3 headed cloud at the foot of my bed, and I got comforted by it lovingly, then without looking to my left a 1.5m round portal opened where I could see the earth from space, where the earth was in animation, but I was in a more awakened faster state, and I was filled with overwhelming joy and laughter. But I was facing the right, even though I could see this through my head in the left, as if I was facing left.... and at the time this did not seem strange, until it slowly faded away and I was thinking to myself how I was going to explain this to anyone....

Long story... I woke from a nightmare, one which I've had 2 times prior as a child. I'm reluctant to say what the dream was, but for the FIRST time, I will even though it makes me very uncomfortable.  this would be the 3rd and Last time I've had this dream during my childhood, where I would be a few blocks away from home, trying to get home, but I notice I am being followed by a freaky crippled disabled adult who is able to walk well enough to chase me, and I don't know what he was going to do when he caught me, but each time I lost him around the corners, he would soon catch up and get closer. I run home in a panic, and I always make it home, but I wake up in a terrible upsetting fright. 

I was relieved that it was only a dream, but I was AGAIN tortured this way, I had enough of that topic, I didn't understand why this dream was happening and haunting me, I've done nothing wrong, I'm kind, courteous, caring, helpful, polite, I'm a good boy, etc, I'm religious and go to church all the time, I'm doing all the right things, why is god against me. I hated that there was such a thing as disabled people with difficulty with their body parts malformed or cut off etc, including all those hospital equipment and aids that disabled people go around with to be mobile etc, (I cant go into the detail as I don't want to type or think those words even now as I'm telling you the story.) but it bothered me that all people were always feeling sorry for people like that but hating gay people, specially as kids, I was a gay kid, yet I was excluded harshly from god heaven and the planet and life etc society, when all along I only spread love to the rest of humanity, but my love wasn't wanted just because I loved males, it didn't matter how unconditional and strong and fantastic my love was, I was not accepted in life in the universe, but disabled people were.

these problems kept going around in my mind, and I was sick of defending myself, sick of arguing that there were many loopholes in the biblical texts that can say it was ok to be gay, in many examples of the texts, even though in some places it said it wasn't, meaning the bible was always contradicting itself and every thing had conditions, and very contradictory. 

so I started to bawl my heart out and cried and cried and cried, like I've never cried before, my pillow was wet from tears. I was abandoned by life the universe people and god too, he had no mercy at all, he was all fake and superficial and not ALL might loving as they say he is. so I just gave up, I got sick of fighting, I surrendered.  I vowed to the universe in surrender. I said OK, OK, I will stop being different to everyone, I will just be like everyone else, I will act the same way they do, and be the same way as they are, fake, shallow, superficial, careless, reckless, uncaring, rude, selfish, sly, a liar, and just be interested in the normal everyday things that everyone else is. I wont be special anymore, I wont do unusual or strange things; just be stupid like the regular kids.  BUT I wont get married, that's where I draw the line, I'm not going to love girls just because I'm told to.

then I remembered earlier that day watching Donahue on TV, where this lady had a near death experience while she was in surgery, and she was explaining how she could float in the air and see herself on the bed, how she could hear and feel everyone's thoughts and feelings and concerns as if she was reading everyone's mind also, and that she felt god and that god was not hateful or judgmental, he was love and caring like you couldn't believe. god was good and loves you.

I FELT a see-through green mist in the garden outside my large window (which was to the right of me), and then it was thicker and then when I looked at it with my eyes I could see it too. it was just a light presence of something, (referring to its weight).  

I closed my eyes and kind of ignored it because I was so upset and not in the mood for anything like this as I just didn't care anymore, I was too tortured, and I just promised I wouldn't be different or special anymore.

then after a few seconds, with my eyes still closed, but I'm facing the right side of me, I SENSED that light moved to the opposite side of my bedroom in front of me where my feet were, and this mist light positioned itself above the handle area of my wardrobe mirror, and was about 1m round. it formed into a 3 headed cloud, and inside it was a large eye, with rays radiating from behind it, all green. it was see-through.

but, even though I wasn't looking at it, I could see it clearly as if though with my eyes, but I didn't think about this at the time, as it didn't seem abnormal to see things without looking at them.

I calmed down and said to my self, 'hmm that's god'.  then it started to expand towards my feet. stayed there for a few seconds. it was a tingly feeling, kind of like Goosebumps only stronger.  then it moved up to my knees for a minute.  then for a minute it moved up to my hips.  then for a minute it moved up to my chest feeling all goose bumpy. and at this time I'm feeling happy and comfortable and free of any human-stupidity and judgment.  then it moved down my shoulders and elbows for a minute.  then it moved down to my hands.  then it completely engulfed my entire body up to my head, and at this time I was laughing and feeling overwhelming joy like a 5 year old child running joyfully around the house while his parents are chasing him playing games. 

I was engulfed in extreme joy and happiness.  I could sense there was many other beings to the left of the clouds behind it, maybe these were everyone that lived on earth before and that was like heaven crowded with faces admiring me and my presence, and taking joy in my experience. they were all happy for me.  and then I felt a consciousness of communication that, there was nothing wrong with liking men, don't worry about all that bible stuff, that doesn't apply to you, that's just for the others that don't have anything else better to do with their lives, don't worry about it, don't change yourself, You just be You, threes nothing wrong with you, threes many things wrong with them but your fine, your love and pure. and all I felt was unconditional love to the ends of the universe. and that god loves me like those humans can never imagine, they don't know what their talking about.   

plus at this time I could see the left top corner of my room opening up in some portal about 1.5m wide.  and I could see the earth in slow animation, and I was wondering why everyone on it was moving slowly, (even though you cant see people and cars from high up in space) I could almost see everyone on it moving slowly, driving slowly, acting frantically and stupidly with their shallow fake lies and expectations obligations and businesses silly religions and what ever, wasting their lives on insignificant unimportant things, when they should be focusing on living a better life full of love and freedom and friendliness etc supporting each other all like a family, as one earthly family.  but that wasn't any interest to me, I was together with god and all the souls, I didn't care about the people on earth, even though I was still physically on earth myself, it was as though my soul was in the universe.  the part of the earth I was looking at was mainly Australia, the east coast.   this portal, or even the state I was in, opened up the air the space in my room, but it was more realer than real. it was like a clarity penning, it was everyone being half asleep, not fully awake, for if they were fully , or more fuller awake, they would see the same thing I saw. meaning, that I was more awake than our human awake state. meaning, our human awake state is not even near properly awake as we perceive it to be.   there is a more realer more awakener state to be in. 

while I'm giggling like a little child still, I thought to myself wait on, should I look, or will god be disappointed that I don't believe its him. so I said, I don't need to verify anything as I know what is, but I will look so that incase anyone asks me or challenges me, I can say to them, yes I looked and I saw all of this WITH MY EYES - ASWELL.  remember I was facing the right of my room, even when I saw the portal or more realer more awake clarity open up which was behind me to the left. but I could see this so clearly already without looking there.  so I turned around and looked at the god cloud, and said ok yes its still there, now I can tell them that I saw it with my eyes as well, not just my spirit.

as I kept laughing and feeling awesome, I spoke and said 'oops I better shoosh it down incase I wake my parents', as my door was wide open, but they didn't wake up from my soft constant giggling of joy and comfort in the presence of my god, my grandfather, or as we say in Macedonian 'Dedo-Gospo' (grandpa god).  ok I better keep it down so I don't wake them up.

after about 30mins or so, I fell snuggly asleep.  when I woke up I remembered everything.   I didn't tell anyone for a couple of years. my parents, and 1 friend in the street. 

life being misfortunate and unaccommodating to my needs for the next many years, specially in the romance way, I wanted a better life, my life was too hard, I was in depression, and I demanded that things change.  happiness came and gone, and I would regularly get depression, although I just thought I was sad.  this unhappiness started in high school when I had physical romantic needs, but they were never met, so I grew up as an adult, rather than a child, and this loneliness scarred me, even though I enjoyed my own company teaching my self many things etc, I was lonely like hell and hurting for romance, just 1 partner, my one and only, I never got him, and the dates I eventually got in my 30s were not for me, or I was not for them, for no apparent reason other than cold feet and treating me dishonorably.

so now in my mid 40's I found the book by Anita Moorjani and her book Dying To Be Me about her near death experience, her brother sent her a link on nderf.org, and I thought maybe people might be interested in my experience, which is along the same lines as Anita's, but I didn't have to be ill or operated on to experience it.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No    

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? after a about 7 minutes, till it started fading maybe it had lasted 30 minutes more or less. but I had no track of time

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I could see in 2 directions, AND while having my eyes closed, without facing in that direction, as clearly as if I looked there, and I tested myself during the time, I opened my eyes - turned around - and saw what I was seeing, and it was a waste of time doing it, but I told myself I will only do this as a form of evidence that my eyes were originally closed, then I opened them, and saw the same thing, but the awesome thing is, is that even though I turned my head, my view of everything did not change because I turned my head, I did not see my view turn as I was turning towards it, - I could still see it through my head. 

I was just as alert as normal as awake, but because I was having this experience vision etc, I realized that it must be a more awake state than normal or way more than every one else on earth because its not normal to see the earth in slow animation from out of space 'while you are lying down in your bed on that same planet that you're viewing.... meaning I was more awake than human earth awareness. the things I was viewing were more clearer and sharper than earth awake state, that was my other source of proof for myself. and the rest of my room was like in a blur, its like we on earth awake state see everything in a curtain of blurriness, once this blurriness was moved aside, we would be able to see what I saw easily without effort

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I was just as alert as normal as awake, but because I was having this experience vision etc, I realized that it must be a more awake state than normal or way more than every one else on earth because its not normal to see the earth in slow animation from out of space 'while you are lying down in your bed on that same planet that you're viewing.... meaning I was more awake than human earth awareness. the things I was viewing were more clearer and sharper than earth awake state, that was my other source of proof for myself. and the rest of my room was like in a blur, its like we on earth awake state see everything in a curtain of blurriness, once this blurriness was moved aside, we would be able to see what I saw easily without effort, and thus I could see the god spirit my 'grandpa god' 'dedo gospo' in Macedonian language. gospo being an ancient Macedonian origin of the word ghost.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   my hearing was normal as earth state, I had no audio strangeness, but I could hear in my mind consciousness words sentences conversations thoughts shared to me by the holiness spirit god and all those loved ones passed over to the other side after death, I could also hear a bit of a crowd voices because there were so many spirit of people on the other side watching me

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   as normal - I could hear my parents snoring in the room next door as our doors were left open. I could see everything in my room as normal and outside my window.   even though I was lying in my bed in my room, I could see the earth planet from out of space at the same time. I could finely see cars driving on roads and people scuttle butting frantically with their dreary over-preoccupied lives, but in slow motion.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   extreme joy laughter giggling like a 6 year old child running around the house from his parents who are chasing him tickling him playing. pain free, worry free, FREE, accepted, no judged, comfortable and comforted, I could feel that I was very special but also by the feelings of all those that live in the afterlife. happiness and love. carefree, responsible free, no expectations or obligations, no biblical condemnations, no prejudices, it was absolutely no issue being gay, I was accepted like every one else, so much joy that I could barely stop myself laughing, needing to shoosh myself up because my parents were sleeping.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   Yes   not exactly, my room, or my mental conscious vision opened up like a portal, like veils of blurry earthling curtains being tied aside and I could see through that portal window, as if I was out of space looking down on earth.   but seeing the holy spirit or god, was not in the portal, it was in my room directly, which came from outside as a green see-through mist.

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   a green mist, which I could also feel as a presence. which moved into my room at the foot of the bed , shaping itself as a 1m wide 3 headed cloud, with an eye in the middle and rays radiating from it.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
yes, clearly, which I saw clearly without looking at it, as if I was looking at it with my own open eyes. it came to comfort me and pass the message to me to don't worry about all that bible stuff, that doesn't apply to you, that's for them, you don't need to follow all that crap, you're special, you're loved, you're grandpa gods grandchild and we love you.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   Yes   well seeing a 3 headed cloud with an eye in it and rays coming out of it could only be related to being described as the holy trinity, therefore the father the son and the holy spirit, but to me it was just grandpa god, and he was tickling me making me laugh filling me with joy. but I could also sense slightly see behind them to the left, (their right), so many spirits watching through their portal enjoying celebrating witnessing this event with me with fascination, but I couldn't differentiate between them, who was who, just god Jesus holy spirit as 1 being.. or whatever that was, what it was  it was not important nor relevant, it belonged to me, to us, we belonged to it equally.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Yes   I could also sense slightly see behind them to the left, (their right), so many spirits watching through their portal enjoying celebrating witnessing this event with me with fascination, but I couldn't differentiate between them, who was who, just god Jesus holy spirit as 1 being.. or whatever that was, what it was  it was not important nor relevant, it belonged to me, to us, we belonged to it equally.

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   Some unfamiliar and strange place
while I was in my earthly bed, I was at the same time looking back at the earth through a portal, or the other way around, the earth served as a blur of veils, that prevent us to see from our consciousness instead of just our eyes. so I could see cars going in slow motion and people living their frantic silly judgmental oppressed conditioned socially forced lives

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
it seemed as earth life slowed down, but it could also mean that my existence sped up to normal speed, making earthly time slow down in animation

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about myself or others
I understood some things, but it wasn't significant, because earthlings put so much unimportant irrelevant importance to such things, I didn't need to question anything as I was in my homely realm, a life WAY MORE alive than earth, way more real and permanent, earth life was merely a kind of bad dream. I understood what was happening to me, I understood without needing to question who was in my room, and what I was seeing was realer than real. I had no doubts, I was in knowingness and love, I did not nee to ask questions as I was heartily pure, I had no conflictions needing to ask what this was or that was, that was stupid, because knowledge was a connected source consciousness connected to all of us should we need to communicate something, there was nothing but life and enjoyment on that other realm.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
when we open our earthly eyes, and are awake - THIS IS NOT AWAKENESS, we as earth eyes see blurry life and blurry existence.  the blurriness was removed for me to see clearly sharper than earth reality.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No


Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 


During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   compared to the rest of the universe.... we exist in a slow motion dream, like a silly game run by vandals and culprits full of fear which they label as delusional power strength and dominance and control and manipulation and sly underhanded trickery and nonsense. I was told to ignore all those earthly biblical human laws and judgments and hatreds as they didn't apply to me such as Christian condemnation of gay people and that I didn't need to do anything what any one told me to do that I didn't want to do

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   the 3 joined clouds with the eye in the middle and rays coming out of it see-through and green, loved me to the end of the universe,  and told to ignore all those earthly biblical human laws and judgments and hatreds as they didn't apply to me such as Christian condemnation of gay people and that I didn't need to do anything what any one told me to do that I didn't want to do, my instructions were not to change myself for human society, I was to be the way I was naturally by god and the universe, and if that meant I was gay, then that's holy and correct for me. I just knew it was my grandpa god without needing to ask, needing to ask is an earthly weakness based on fear and stupidity, because I was encumbered by love and all knowledge.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   Yes   mostly just that I was coming to this earth as a spirit being but not much attention was given to it as it was all insignificant to me and irrelevant and useless. only things on earth are made relevant and useful because there are so much people blocked off from knowing about their human  and spiritual powers that each person has naturally, but is conditioned out from other controlling bad humans and the rest of human society

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   our entire existence was mystical and universal and eternal and full of enjoyment and easy Guinness, none of this restricted brainwashed earthly human crap

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes   earthly human existence was full of nonsense and stupidity, irrelevant, cruelty, no justice, falsity, earth human life was frantic and non-peacefully hysterical, brainwashed existence,  oppressed , restricting constricting very limiting and limited, almost insignificant, earth humanness was like a bad dream game with unfair human designed rules forced on others. biblical and religious and political stuff was so wrong and anti-life and so destructive to life and the human existence and spirit, that humans didn't know what they were doing living their daily dreary unholy inhumanly lives, and that I was to disregard them all and live my life as I saw fit

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   earthly human existence was full of nonsense and stupidity, irrelevant, cruelty, no justice, falsity, earth human life was frantic and non-peacefully hysterical, brainwashed existence,  oppressed , restricting constricting very limiting and limited, almost insignificant, earth humanness was like a bad dream game with unfair human designed rules forced on others. biblical and religious and political stuff was so wrong and anti-life and so destructive to life and the human existence and spirit, that humans didn't know what they were doing living their daily dreary unholy inhumanly lives and that I was to disregard them all and live my life as I saw fit

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   love was everywhere and everything, we are all together on the other side out side of this blurry earthly human experience, we are actually on the inside, like in a bubble, but the outside is actually the real side, where there is only joy and laughter and celebration and togetherness comfort

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   just to live my life as I saw fit, from love and hobbies and fun, and togetherness, inclusiveness and fairness and niceness, to help each other live together and improve life for everyone, and not make excuses by singling any one or any thing out. every thing had its needs and needs should be met with equal importance, because we all exist together here, we should be respectful and honoring of everyone's likes and dislikes and not judge

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I believed that the bible was altered and not true, but the bible stories included both true and false and probably guessed examples, but that it also had a lot of ungodly evil in it when it condemned and judged any type of human considered accused of sin, when we are all forgiven and loved by god unconditionally. earth life was so important and needed to be followed obediently strictly, but no it was proved to be all nonsense and hysterical franticly and so wrong and unimportant

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.   I remember some bits n pieces about the day before it happened, watching the Donahue TV talk show from America, about the woman telling of her out of body experience when she was dying in surgery.  I cant remember the next day when I woke up, I don't think anything special happened maybe. but I remember my experience very well

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   even though I continued being religious, it was in the context INCLUDING my experience and the adjustments in truths that I added. I remember becoming more extremist, but cant remember if it was before or after the experience, but not for long as I soon relaxed so much.

My experience directly resulted in:   Moderate changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   same as Q-49. and many others. hard to say. 

yes in that I could not question its existence even if I wanted to, or no matter how bad my life got for me, so that was a definite 'insurance'.  

loving men was fine, and I was loved by god totally, loving men was not a sin as in the human world. so if anyone questioned me, I had my evidence. and whether people accepted it or not was their own demise and unjust ignorance without any evidence against me.

also that not to take life on earth so seriously, even though I still do in a way, because we still face consequences, I cant just do what I want -  all the time, or sometimes any time.  humanity does not recognize or honor innocence and love and purity, and gives exceptions to the wrong people.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   Australia was in a long drought, and when I was on holiday, I felt so emotional about all the heavy drenching rain that tropical Darwin and lush green rich north NSW got, so I cried and blessed Australia to get regular deep saturating rain roughly every 2 weeks, and it has been raining mercifully like that from Jan 2020 to July 2020. now I'm in the process of blessing again, as we've had no rain for a couple of weeks.

apparently I can work with crystals, I can feel some of their energy.

I can send love and light to people, and clear them of bad eyes and non-blessings, but I'm still working on what this exactly is.

I'm an empath.

specially during my teens until my early 40s, I would channel wisdom from the source of the universe, I would be explaining something to people and then all of a sudden the things I'm saying just come straight out of my mouth as if I was king Solomon's wisdom or something, I would speak things I did not know the answers to, and I would help people, or answer peoples questions, without going into a trance or preparation or anything, it would be just as easy as talking, and I don't know that its happened until I've finished saying what I said. or they said.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     I thought it was nice and very special to be selected to be visited by my spiritual family. after having such a shit excruciatingly lonely life it was the least they could do. and that has brought me SOME comfort during the many torturous times.

also the joy and tickling laughing,  even though I wasn't going anywhere, I felt like grandpa god was tickling me and I was running around like a child.  so I should say that he was chasing me around, but because I was not in a near death, I was fully awake, my experience intensity wasn't as detailed as Anita Moorjani's details, otherwise I would have probably suffered some kind of death in my bed, and there'd be no one to see what's happened to me to take me to hospital, but also because I didn't have any medical condition either.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  I remember at 1st that maybe (because of my stupid religious superstitions) I didn't think I should tell anybody.

I'm not sure when the 1st telling was, maybe in the same month? it was a few houses down, she kindly said she believed me, but her response was very light-footed and doubtful.

I may have told other childhood friends, but I cant remember,  and if so it would have been only 1 other, during that era  of my life.

I've told my parents, but I cant remember it when. I don't think I've ever told my brother, he was asleep during the convo when I told my parents, or maybe he wasn't home, and I don't know if they told him, or if they told any of their friends, as we didn't have many close relatives in the country, apart from Melbourne over the phone. that would have been in the same month too.

I've told a cousin or 2 or 3, maybe in the next few years if the subject came up, I wasn't afraid to.

even today I'm not afraid to, but I don't just blurt it out, I select who to share it with, I never needed to gloat about it. I've told my priest who after confession and fasting didn't give me the holy communion bread and wine, and I thought who are you to refuse me, of that which you are not even worthy of. but I played the good boy and just let it go. but his action saw to my unneeded undeserved deep depression getting much worse - now do you see the evil of humanity? he was a priest of god so-called, yet knew nothing of his love or mercy etc.  the priest said I saw the devil, and after some questions decided that it was a karmic thing that my parents may have done which has resulted in my being gay and lonely etc bla bla bla, more human blind nonsense. that priest destroyed me inside. I never felt so nothing. this is one of those times in my life where - if I didn't have my experience, I would have killed myself. (trying not to be emotional right now).